


Meant To Be

by BloodRedTitanium1022



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Hidden Feelings, Horrible at tagging, Pining, Rom-Com-like, Slow Romance, and at writing descriptions, please don't judge this from the tags and description, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRedTitanium1022/pseuds/BloodRedTitanium1022
Summary: It‘s been five years since the Phantom Thieves wrote headlines. But growing up brings its own changes and struggles. Close friends move away and start a new life somewhere else. But no matter how far you go, no matter how hard you try to push it down, some things are meant to be.
Relationships: Sakamoto Ryuji/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 44
Kudos: 98





	1. January

Faint light shone through the dirty windows of the rundown apartment. The sound of a train rolling by one block away caused the young man to stir in his bed before waking up. Drouzy, he rubbed his eyes before swinging his legs out of bed to trot across the cluttered one-room apartment towards the tiny bathroom. After he splashed some water onto his face, he mustered himself in the mirror. There were faint stubbles on his chin and jaw, which he decided to shave off in the next days or so. His black hair was messy as always, not a trace of blonde to be seen anymore since a couple of years now. He yawned once more before walking towards a pile of clothes stacked on an office chair, looking for his running gear. As he tied his running shoes, his gaze fell across a cardboard box standing beside the door, filled with a bunch of clothes and toiletries. He took a look at his watch to check the time. While he would be out for his morning run, his ex would come over to get her things and leave her key. As he left his crappy apartment building, he broke into a run to clear his head while staying clear of all the busy people on their way to work. He was grateful that he started to work a few hours later, giving him enough time to go for runs every morning. As he was on his way back home, waiting for a green light, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. While jogging on the spot, he took it out to find a message from Ren, asking him to go for a work-out this evening. Ryuji typed a quick reply before lightly jogging back to his apartment. As he unlocked the door, he noticed the prepared box missing and a key laying on the kitchen counter beside the door. A small rush of guilt spread in his guts as he stepped into the shower. The breakup hadn‘t been pretty, he painfully recalled while the water crashed down on his body. She‘s a nice girl that had been ready to invest into their relationship only to realize after many months that Ryuji seemed incapable of making any commitments.

15 minutes later, he left his apartment again to go to work. After struggeling to graduate high school, he had been clueless of what to do with his future. After a couple of months of enjoying his freedom, he decided to apply for a part-time job at different stores to be able to support his mom at least. After many refusals, he landed a Job at Untouchable, the store ran by Iwai. Ren had suggested it, of course, and to this day Ryuji didn‘t know if his best friend used up a favor or something to get Iwai to hire him. But since he was working there for almost 3 and a half years and Iwai never complained, he figured that he must be doing something right.

His work day passed slowly as he was mostly busy with stacking boxes and taking inventory. Customer-wise it was a quiet day. It was slowly turning dark outside when Ryuji grabbed his bag and locked up the store. He then made his way to the gym a little further down on Central Street, where Ren was already waiting for him, dressed in suit and tie, a gym bag in his hand. His hair looked a little bit better kempt than in their teenage days. Since he was working at a law firm now, he settled for a more professional style on work days.

„I‘ll never get used to the fancy get-up...“ Ryuji grinned as he went for a handshake.

„Me neither…. It‘s not like I‘m wearing it because it‘s comfortable...“ Ren replied with a grin before they walked inside.

„So, how‘s officer Makoto doing?“ Ryuji asked as they were doing a warm-up on the treadmills.

„She‘s doing fine. Don‘t get to see her much since she started working at the precinct though. Who could have guessed that Makoto would be a workaholic?“ Ren said the last part dripping with sarcasm, causing Ryuji to grin. Ren smiled for a little while longer, as he always did after talking about her. Ryuji could tell by his face, that out of habit he wanted to ask about Ryujis girlfriend, but then remembered their chat a few weeks ago.

„Did you see Harus message yesterday?“ Ren asked instead.

Ryuji knew the one he was talking about. She was the only one reading those magazines. He nodded „Yeah. Looks like she‘s happy.“

Ren agreed „Makoto and her chat some times, apparently she‘s planning to come visit soon.“

„It‘s been a long time...“ Ryuji admitted, trying to ignore Rens careful look. „Think she‘ll bring her guy?“ he continued.

„Would be nice to get to know him at some point, since this seems to be serious...“ Ren shrugged.

„Or maybe we‘re not cool enough for her anymore...“ Ryuji said.

„We‘re definitly not this well-dressed.“ Ren said as he stepped down from the treadmill to start his actual work-out.

„Says the guy who owns 10 different sets of suits...“ Ryuji sighed as they walked over to the weights.

"You know her, she would never be embarassed of us." Ren said.

"Yeah, but we also thought that she would... try to keep in touch a little more..." Ryuji answered.

The rest of their workout was done in silence, as they were both concentrating on themselves. After finishing up, showering and changing, they decided to go for a reenergizing meal at the Beef Bowl. Going there with Ren was always a bit of nostalgic. It felt like this was the place where they really became friends all those years ago, after accidentaly stumbling into a perverted teachers fantasy. Also, Ren always got discount because of his after-school job all those years ago. It was insane how this guy was able to leave his mark everywhere he went. As they sat there, eating their dinner, Rens phone was constantly buzzing with incoming messages. The man was popular…

„Makoto want you to come home?“ Ryuji teased.

Ren cast a quick glance at the display before rolling his eyes „It‘s just work… Sometimes they can be even worse than Makoto. Especially that one colleague I always get teamed up with.“ he sighed, shoving his phone back into his pocket „She does keep asking about you from time to time, you know?“ he threw him a sideways grin.

„Come on, man, after everything you told me about her, she sounds really annoying.“ Ryuji lamented „I talked to her one time, she didn‘t even seem to like me this much. She was totally bossing me around“.

Ren shook his head with a grin „Would it help you if I told you that she actually always needs peoples advice on what to do?“.

„No...“ Ryuji answered before poking at his food „I think it‘s for the best if I take a break from dating for a while...“. He could feel Rens almost pitiful look on him and he hated it. He didn‘t want to be pitied, it was his fault that it fell apart in the first place. As he stared into his beef bowl, Ren patted him on the shoulder „It‘s gonna be okay, Skull.“. It was easy for Ren to say. He had met his soulmate in high school and never had to experience a break-up first-hand. As always, Ren insisted on paying before they parted ways to head home, Ren to his and Makotos elegant place, Ryuji to his crappy little apartment.

As he walked towards his building, he couldn‘t help but reach for his phone and open their group-chat to scroll to Harus text with a photo attached. He cursed under his breath as he tapped the image to enlarge it. There she was, her wavy blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, an honest smile on her lips as she was posing in a fiery-red gown with a low back. Beside her stood a tall guy about the same age, his dark brown hair well-kempt and an elegant black suit with a red tie to match his girlfriend. His arm was wrapped around her waist as he cast an admiring look at the woman beside him. And who could blame him. As predicted, looking at the picture didn‘t lighten his mood, but like he had experienced so often in his life, there was an unseen force pulling him towards her, that he couldn‘t explain. He let out an annoyed grunt as he pushed his phone into his pocket again before reaching for his keys. As he entered his apartment, he turned towards the small kitchenette right beside the door to grab a can of soda before changing into his sweatpants and one of his old T-shirts. He threw himself onto his bed, causing the bedframe to creak dangerously, and made himself comfortable before reaching for the remote on his bedside table to turn on the TV that was placed on the dresser across the room. Recently, he had made it a habit to fall asleep with the TV on. He found that it was way easier to fall asleep with a background noise. After an hour, he could feel his eyelids getting heavy. Before he gave in to it, he thought about the look on Rens face when he started to talk about her. His last thought was that Rens face would have been much different if he knew about the night before Anns departure almost 4 years ago..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I only wrote short stories, so this is my first attempt at writing an ongoing story. I have worked on this for a few months now because I wanted to completely finish before publishing it. And here we are! Chapter 1! I wanted to make it a little bit of a slow start with bits of information here and there, in the hope that it will stay interesting to uncover more of the story. 
> 
> I had the idea to write a story like this while listening to music (I actually wrote one of the last chapters first and then wrote whatever came to my mind...almost like my short-stories...). Anyway, while I was writing this, I came across a lot of new songs (thx Spotify!) and somehow they were really fitting, so I thought that I would do a little "Soundtrack" to each chapter with a song that I think either is really fitting text-wise or just sets a right mood for the chapter. Feel free to leave a comment and thank you for reading!
> 
> Soundtrack for this Chapter: "All I Want To Hear You Say" ~ Sea Girls


	2. Febuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Got so much to prove.  
> Got so much to lose.  
> God, don't let me lose my mind."

„Aaaand we‘re done! Great job everyone!“ the photographer anounced as he put his camera away to applaude the models and the rest of the staff. Soon the rest of the participants were clapping too as the models stepped away from the set. A slender woman sat down at her dressing table to remove the artful make-up that the make-up-artist had skillfully applied beforehand.

„Nice one, Maki!“ a cheerful girl with strawberry blonde hair said as she dropped onto the chair beside her, snagging one of Anns make-up-wipes to rub at her face.

„You too, Beatrice.“ Ann smiled as she stood up to get changed into her clothes. When she returned, her friend was already done as well.

„Some of the girls are going to get some dinner, you wanna come with?“ Beatrice asked while brushing her hair.

„Thanks, but I think I‘m gonna go home. I‘ll eat later, when Josh comes back...“ Ann politely turned her down.

Beatrice pouted for a second before a sleazy grin spread across her face „Ooooh, is it date night again?“

Ann shook her head „I‘m not telling.“ she grinned before grabbing her bag and waving good-bye. As she stepped outside of the atelier, she hailed a taxi to take her home. As she was sitting in the backseat, she took out her phone to find a couple of messages in their group chat. It appeared like everyone had gone to one of Yusukes art exhibits yesterday. Since Ann was too far away to partake in any group activities with them, she had their chat turned to mute. Sometimes, it made her sad to see how much fun they had and how often they met up while she was unable to join. She had been gone for almost four years now, but she still missed them a lot. None of the friends she had made here could ever replace them. She knew that they hadn‘t forgotten her either, as she occasionally was in contact with Makoto or Haru. Sometimes even Yusuke would message her when he stumbled across some of her pictures that he found outstandingly aesthetical. While she pondered about the former Phantom Thieves, the Taxi had made its way to the modern tower building. Ann quickly paid the driver before exiting the cab to walk into the spacious lobby and past the concierges desk towards the elevators. After arriving at the 12th floor, she unlocked the door to a spacious loft. The large open room was disrupted by a few pillars supporting the roof. The whole place was flooded with daylight coming in through the huge windowfront. She dropped her bag onto the small dresser beside the door and took off her shoes before heading to the master-bathroom to step into the big walk-in shower. After being squeezed into a lot of tight clothes today, she settled for loose sweatpants and a fitted T-Shirt before dropping down on the couch to check her social media when she realized that she had received a direct message from Haru with a photo attached.

**Haru** _: Wish you could have joined us, Yusukes art show was amazing. Hugs, Haru_

Ann smiled sadly before she tapped on the attachment. Her heart broke a little as she saw them all standing there, huddled together, smiling at the camera. It was obvious that Futaba had taken the picture, for only the upper half of her face could be seen at the bottom of the picture. Yusuke and his girlfriend Hifumi were standing to the right, his arm placed around her shoulders, both smiling a humble smile. In the middle, Makoto had her arms wrapped around Rens arm, a dignified smile on her lips while her boyfriend cut a grimace. On the left, Haru had her arms slung around her fiance Laitos waist, a lovely smile on her face. And in the middle of it all, she spotted the young man standing between Makoto and Yusuke, one hand stretched out to flash bunny ears onto Rens head with a grin on his face. Although its been years of photos, she still hadn‘t gotten used to Ryujis hair being black again. She had always liked that electric mop of hair of his. It had never been a particularly pretty shade of blonde. But it had always been His colour. Her eyes lingered on him a little longer before she hastily closed the app when she heard the key turn in the lock.

„Hey babe. How was your day?“ Josh said as he walked towards the couch, leaning down to give her a kiss. He came from the office, dressed in elegant dress pants and a button-down shirt with a tie. His dark brown hair was elegantly kempt but lost its shape a little over the day.

Ann smiled at his kiss before she got up „It was good, I think they took some nice pictures. How was yours?“ she asked while hugging him.

„It was chaos…“ Josh sighed, a smile appearing on his face when Ann started to loosen his tie. „I just wanna lay down and do nothing for the rest of the day...“

„I like that idea.“ Ann grinned before getting on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. „We can order dinner and lay on the couch all evening and do nothing.“ she listed.

Josh grinned while he wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her close „Perfect. Like you.“

„So cheesy!“ Ann laughed while her cheeks blushed. They shared a long kiss.

„I‘m gonna get changed, you pick out the place we order from.“ Josh said before letting go to walk towards the bedroom. Ann watched him walk away before she flopped back down on the couch. As she unlocked her phone, she was greeted by the photo of all of her friends beaming at her once more. Her eyes lingered on the picture for a little longer and her heart ached. The homesickness had gotten better over the years, the first few months in the States have still been the worst. And then she had met Josh, who had turned this place into her home as well, but still, she could never completely forget the family she had left behind in Tokyo. She had told the girls that she would try to come soon, but she had told them that many times and never got the time or guts to book the flight. Sometimes she was afraid of visiting, fearing of feeling like a stranger to all of them after being gone for so long. She knew that Haru was reading american tabloids because she was hunting for pictures of her to show the rest of the group. Would they think of her as some snooty celebrity now? She still felt the same inside, but would they see it too? She pondered so long that Josh had returned from the bedroom in the meantime.

„Sad because of all the options?“ he quipped as he noticed Anns bothered face.

Anns head jerked up „Oh! No… sorry, I just came across something else… I‘ll look into dinner now.“ she stammered. In her head, she could still hear the Phantom Thieves making fun of her bad acting, most of all Ryuji, but Josh seemed appeased with it for he only nodded to sit down beside her and turn on the TV.

„Is something bothering you?“ Josh asked as they ware relaxing on the couch after dinner. Ann was laying with her head resting in his lap, watching TV.

„No. It‘s fine. One of my friends from Japan just sent me a photo today. Apparently another friend had an art show in Tokyo and everyone went.“ Ann started.

„And you‘re sad you weren‘t there?“ Josh finished, toying with a strand of her hair.

„Kinda… Sometimes I‘m sad because it feels like they‘re having so much fun together and I‘m the only one who can‘t join...“ Ann sighed as she sat up, hugging her knees.

„Then you should go visit!“ Josh said in a cheery voice.

„But… my job...“ she stammered.

„How often do you have weeks off before a next job? Why not use them to go see your friends?“

Would they even want to see her anymore? She had been a bad friend to them over the past years. „But...“ she stammered for an answer that she could tell Josh. She never talked to him about how guilty she felt sometimes. He would always tell her how everyone would love her and none of it was her fault, when he had no idea. She had messed up, him trying to cheer her up didn‘t change that.

„See? You don‘t even have an argument against it! Come on! You haven‘t seen them for ages! They will totally freak out when they see you again!“

Ann was about to ask how he would know that but decided against it. But he was right in one point at least. She hadn‘t seen them or Tokyo for years. She had been a coward and in a few months she would need to face them at one of her best friends weddings anyway. Maybe it was better if she checked in on them before that, in an environment a little more relaxed. She should definitly clean the air. If there was air to be cleaned. „I might be able to go in April...“ Ann thought out loud.

„See? Problem solved!“ Josh grinned triumphantly.

„Yeah… maybe you‘re right. Thanks!“ she smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. „Do you want to come?“

„I don‘t wanna be in the way of your catching-up. You go have fun. Besides, I will meet all of your friends in a few months anyway at the wedding of… Haru, was it?“ Josh smiled as he put his arm around her shoulder.

„Okay.“ Ann smiled as she shifted to sit in his lap. „You‘re the best, you know that?“ she whispered before going for a long kiss.

They stuck to their plan of watching TV the whole evening before retiring to the bedroom. While Josh was in the shower, Ann was sitting in their walk-in closet, a cardboard box in front of her. When she had moved in with Josh, she stuffed all her memorabilia of the Phantom Thieves and Tokyo into a cardboard box and hid it in there. She would only scarcely look at it for the incredible nostalgia and homesickness that would wash over her everytime. She took a deep breath before lifting the lid of the box to gaze upon the printed out group-shots that used to hang in her room of the shared apartment that she was living in in the beginning. Her eyes wandered to the small trinkets that she had collected over the time and couldn‘t let go. She took another deep breath before taking out the item that took up the most space inside the box. Her heart sank as she clutched the purple hoodie to her chest and a faint familiar scent wafted from the fabric. She had taken this on the morning of her departure before leaving Ryujis place. She wondered if he ever noticed that it was missing. She should have written to him. To him exclusively, since they never got the chance to talk about that night. But she was scared that talking to him would lead to talking about her feelings, would make her regret leaving Japan and taking that huge chance that she was given by this american agency that recruited her. During the first weeks, she would curl up in her bed every evening while wearing his hoodie, tempted to call him, tempted to book a flight back home. But there was no future for her in Japan. Her modeling career was doomed to fail if she had stayed. After some time, she had realized that she needed to gain some distance. She muted their group chat, she banished the hoodie into a cardboard box, swearing that she would give it back to Ryuji and have the long-needed talk during her next visit. But there never was a visit. Until now.

„Ann? Where are you?“ she heard Josh call out from the bedroom.

Ann quickly stuffed everything back into the box before shoving it to the back of the closet again „I‘m here. I just picked out the clothes I wanted to wear for tomorrows interview with that magazine.“ she tried to sound like this was something she did a lot.

„I know you‘ll look great, no matter what you‘ll wear.“ Josh smiled as he pulled back the duvet and got into bed. Ann couldn‘t tell if he really bought her mediocre excuse or if he just went along with it.

„You‘re sweet.“ Ann blushed before climbing into bed beside him. They were laying on their sides, facing each other, when Josh reached behind him to turn off the lights.

„Good night, Ann. I love you.“ He said while gently running his hand through her hair and kissing her forehead.

„Good night. I love you too.“ Ann replied with a smile. Josh was the sweetest guy she had ever met. Sometimes he was able to read her wishes from her eyes and sometimes he came home with the exact same food to eat, that she had been thinking about earlier that day. Josh was a dream-guy and her new home in the US. Before she met him, she was scared that she would never want to leave once she returned to Tokyo. With Josh, she felt like she had a reason to come back again. This would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story picks up, this time we take a peak into Anns new life abroad. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Trouble ~ Cage the Elephant


	3. March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is it gone for good, or is it coming back around?"

They were all gathered at Yusuke and Hifumis apartment for their monthly dinner party. The location swapped between Harus place, Yusuke and Hifumis apartment and Rens and Makotos. Noone expected any cooking going on in Ryujis kitchen, partly because it was Ryuji and partly because of the tiny kitchen. His tiny apartment wasn‘t cut out to entertain many guests over all so he was never elected as the host. Yusukes place wasn‘t the biggest either, but at least it had enough space to place a dinner table and a small lounging area with sofas and a TV in the living room. Their would have been even more room, but a quarter of the space was used up by Yusukes art supplies, although he also rented out a small studio space for his painting nowadays. The group was gathered around the dinner table while Hifumi was still working in the small kitchen and Yusuke was going around the table serving wine to his guests.

„Haru, Laito, only a few months left. How are preparations going?“ Makoto asked, swirling the wine in her glass before taking a sip.

„Well.. So far it‘s been going smoothly. We almost got the replies from everyone invited.“ Haru started.

„Yeah, the cake is decided upon as well, but we still need to figure out the menu.“ Laito continued. You could tell straight from looking at him that he was a nice guy. It already showed on his face before he even started talking. Haru loved to tell the story of how they met, because it had happened in her own cafe.

„We would have decided already, if a certain someone wasn‘t so picky.“ Haru teased in her sweetest voice.

„That can be said about another certain someone as well.“ Laito teased back before turning to the rest of the group „The lady and I appear to have different tastes in quite a few things.“ he explained.

„And you didn‘t know that before?“ Ryuji asked with a furrowed brow while stirring his lemonade.

„Well…. I didn‘t know that we had different opinions on so many vegetables.“ Haru smiled.

„As long as noone cancels the wedding over it.“ Futaba quipped.

Haru and Laito looked at each other and smiled before both saying „Never.“

After spending so much time together, the former Phantom Thieves all had a pretty good image of what the others would say in certain situations. As they witnessed the cuteness of Haru and Laito, they all could hear an „Awww!“ from Ann. Only that she wasn‘t here.

„I‘m sorry to keep you waiting..“ Hifumi emerged from the kitchen with a platter of steaming fish „Yusuke, would you be so kind to get the bowl of rice and the salad?“ she sounded a little stressed while placing the platter in the middle of the table. Yusuke was as laid-back as ever as he moved to the kitchen in his usual pace.

„Everything looks great, Hifumi. Why don't you sit down.“ Makoto gestured to the chair at the head of the table.

„Morgana would love this.“ Futaba said, eyeing the platter of delicious smelling fish filets.

„His loss for not coming...“ Ren shrugged. Morgana had taken on the life of a wildcat, roaming around the streets of Tokyo, sometimes crashing at Sojiros house with Futaba for a few days before disappearing again to return to Ren and Makoto. Since he had emancipated from being carried around by Ren, he started to live his own life aside from the Phantom Thieves. He would still come to hang-outs where it was appropriate or at least not forbidden for a cat to be present, but not everytime. Since their group has expanded by two people who couldn‘t understand him, he also felt uncomfortable. Laito had no idea that he could talk, so a cat constantly meowing would have been more annyoing than anything else to him.

„It would have been nice to see Mona-chan again. But I understand.“ Haru sighed.

After Yusuke returned with the rest of the dinner, they all started filling their plates, light chatter filling the Kitagawas living room and soon every part of the thoughtfully prepared dinner had vanished, a satisfied look on everyones faces.

„That was delicious, Hifumi.“ Makoto had leaned back in her chair a little.

„Thank you. But I had support from Yusuke. He puts a lot of emphasis on the cutting of the fish.“ Hifumi answered.

„The way of a blade slicing through at the perfect angle and speed is a truly magnificent sight. It reminds me of my katana...“ Yusuke explained. It was a subtle reference to their Phantom Thieves days, but to Laito it could sound like he had just owned a katana once. It wouldn‘t even be strange. While he knew everything about Harus past, Haru wanted to keep their identity as the Phantoms a secret. Hifumi on the other hand, did have a suspicion from the start, since she also figured out Rens identity. Yususke too hadn‘t beaten around the bush when he immediatly complimented her about her great strategic moves that she taught Ren and told her about how useful they have been to him.

„That‘s why he only got to cut the fish. I was done with all the ingredients for the salad in half the time...“ Hifumi had a patient smile.

„Sounds like Yusuke...“ Ryuji had to grin.

After letting the dinner sit for a little while, Hifumi brought out dessert. „I hope you don‘t mind me buying these… It was a rather stressful week..“ she apologized as she set down a platter of tartelettes, some decorated with berries, some with chocolate sculptures.

„Of course not!“ Haru exclaimed, admiring the beautiful pastries.

„Are they from that small bakery near Akihabara?“ Makoto asked while reaching for one.

Hifumi nodded while Yusuke served tea to everyone.

„Oh, you mean the one we got that cake for Ann for her farewell-party?“ Haru remembered.

„I think so. We had this huge custom layer-cake made for her.“ Makoto filled in Laito and Hifumi, who hadn't been in the pictrue back then.

Ryuji remembered that cake, among a lot of other things from that night.

„And lucky for us we got to keep the left-overs because she couldn‘t take them to the US with her.“ Ren grinned.

„She will come to your wedding, right?“ Makoto expectantly asked Haru.

„Yes. And she will bring her boyfriend too. I‘m very excited to meet him. So far I only know him from magazines.“ Haru giggled excitedly.

„I bet he's a broker or something else financial.“ Futaba said before taking a bite of her dessert.

„I‘m pretty sure he‘s loaded.“ Ryuji added. He wasn‘t particularly keen on talking about Anns boyfriend, but he needed to act natural.

„Right? He must have super rich parents. He just looks like it!“ Futaba took the bait.

„Isn‘t that irrelevant, as long as he loves her?“ Makoto interrupted their spit-balling.

Futaba and Ryuji shared a knowing look before Futaba rolled her eyes at Makoto „Yes, mom...“

„Whatever he is, we will welcome him with open arms.“ Ren concluded.

„What if he‘s an alien?“ Futaba asked, raising her hands in defense when everyone looked at her confusedly „You said „Whatever he is“, I‘m just making sure!“

Makoto shook her head with a sigh „We could definitly use some more normal people in this round...“

„Are we not normal enough for you?“ Ren asked, feigning hurt.

„Where should I even start?“ Makoto answered with a small grin.

It was 10pm when the group left Yusuke and Hifumis place. Since they weren‘t living far away from Ryujis neighborhood, he decided to walk home.

So Ann would finally return to attend Harus wedding. After 4 years of almost-silence between them. Ryuji wasn‘t hurt, at least he didn‘t want to be. He knew that their one-time fling the night before her departure was meaningless. He had known that she would leave the next morning, probably never returning ever again. They had been the last ones remaining after her huge farewell-party and they had probably spent another hour just talking. She had been nervous and sad about leaving, but she had told him that she had to, if she ever wanted to become a successfull model. She had also told him that she would come and visit at least once a year. Back then they hadn't known how that would turn out to be a well-meant lie. Ryuji had been sad to see her go as well. They have been through a lot together as the Phantom Thieves and their friendship had only deepened further during third grade, after Ren had returned home for a year. They had spent numerous hours studying, preparing for their finals to then finally graduate from high school together. All this time, there had been this undeniable chemistry between them, this hinted attraction that was pulling them towards each other like a magnet. On that crucial night, they decided to give in to what has been building up over these years. It had been like a silent agreement, a Now-or-Never situation in case they would never see each other again. Maybe she had always known that she wouldn‘t return to visit. And so they ended up in his bed, their hands all over each other at the Sakamoto apartment, grateful that his mother was gone for the weekend.

It would have been a lie to say that Ryuji didn‘t remember a lot from that night. He remembered it all. Her ridiculously smooth skin against his, her soft lips kissing him, her fingernails digging into his back, her breath against his chest as she fell asleep in his arms. It had been the best couple hours of sleep he ever had, but they were over far too soon, for Ann got up early in the morning to get dressed and walk out of his life. He had barely noticed when she gently pressed a kiss on his cheek before tip-toeing out of his room and out of the apartment. As he had woken up alone a few hours later, it felt like the last night had been a dream, like she had never been in this bed with him. A feeling of emptiness had befallen him as he had stared at the ceiling for a few moments before angrily rolling out of bed, annoyed with himself for pining over her. He had known that this was a one-time fling from the start. Ann was gone, off to get famous in another country as a model. How much more out of his league could she get? Even if she hadn‘t left, he still had nothing to offer. It was stupid to think about any of this. She started her life somwhere else, leaving them all behind. Maybe it was time for him to grow up too and forget about his stupid teenage-crush. He had looked at himself in the mirror, the familiar mop of blonde hair standing out as always. Maybe it was time to get rid of that too. That was the day Ryuji had stopped dying his hair, slowly letting it grow back to black. It had felt like the end of an era, an acceptance of defeat in the fight against normality, but it was also a new start. Short after, he got the job at Untouchable and a few clients that wanted to get coached by him after meeting him at the gym. Some of them were his friends, but they still insisted on paying him for training sessions. After a few months of working, he had decided that it was time to move out of his moms apartment. He had started to see other girls - with questionable success - and those who had actually gotten involved with him had left disappointed sooner or later. Ryuji furrowed his brow as he unlocked the door to his apartment. He couldn‘t explain why, but everytime he thought about Ann, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Was it the things left unsaid? Were there even things left unsaid? They both knew that this one time would lead nowhere, that it had been a stupid idea. Four years ago, he had wished to see Ann again soon. Now, he wasn‘t so sure anymore. She seemed happy the way things were. And he was happy as long as he didn‘t think about her. At least he thought so.. But yet here he was, laying on the creaky bed to stare at the ceiling like he had done four years ago after waking up to see her gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Fireside ~ Arctic Monkeys


	4. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maybe this time, the good stuff can last"

Anns throat tightened when the airplane soflty hit the landing strip of Tokyo airport. She hadn‘t told anyone about her visit. She didn‘t want to make a big deal out of it and she had feared that someone would want to throw a party. She definitly didn‘t feel like she deserved a party after ditching them for 4 years. Since she was only staying for the weekend, she was travelling light and was able to get out of the airport quick to take a taxi to Shibuya, where she would be staying at one of the many hotels. She explicitly didn‘t book at the Wilton for the memories of the cake buffet and the memories of founding the Phantom Thieves. After checking into her room, she pondered on where to go first. She knew that Shiho was at work in her hometown, so she would probably text her later and meet with her tomorrow, if she was able to come to Tokyo. Her growling stomach helped her to make a decision and soon after, she found herself walking down Yongen towards the small cafe of Sojiro Sakura. Hearing the small bell chiming as she entered, it felt like she was walking into another Phantom Thieves meeting again. Only that the booths were filled up with strangers now.

„Welco-“ Sojiro started as he raised his head to then realize who was standing before him. „My, my...What a surprise.“ he said with his warm smile. A small smile appeared on Anns face as well as she walked up to the bar to sit on one of the bar-stools. „Hey Boss.“

„Look at you…. Futaba didn‘t tell me you were coming.“ he still seemed baffled.

„She doesn‘t know. I wanted to make it a surprise...“ Ann said.

„Well, you succeeded with that. You want the usual?“ Sojiro asked.

Not long after, Ann was sitting in front of a plate of curry and a cup of coffee, pondering her next moves. She felt like such a stranger.

„Everything all right, kid?“ Sojiro asked as he noticed the bothered look on her face as she was poking at her food.

„Yeah…“ Ann started before deciding to confide in him. Sojiro was wise. „I‘m just nervous about everyones reactions. I‘m scared that they might have reservations now, because I was such a bad friend while I was gone.“ Ann said, averting her eyes.

„I‘m sure that they will be happy to see you again, no matter what. After all you‘ve been through, you‘re like a family. And family always sticks together, no matter the distance.“ Sojiros words were kind, but they made Ann feel worse. She gratefully ate the curry and downed her coffee before looking for her wallet.

„It‘s on the house.“ Sojiro said. „But if you‘re in the mood for some sweets, Harus cafe has some very delicious pastries, I heard.“ he told her with a wink.

Ann smiled „Maybe I‘ll try that, then.“ she said as she got up. „Thanks for everything Boss.“

„And hey, don‘t worry about their reactions. Family forgives.“ Sojiro added as she walked towards the door.

The warm midday sun blinded Ann as she stepped out of LeBlanc to head back to the station. Maybe Sojiro was right, maybe she could make everything alright again. After a short trainride, she got out in Harajuku and strolled past the many boutiques that used to be her main source for shopping back in the days. A little further in, she came across a beautifully decorated door sign reading „Noir“ in cursive letters. The little cafe had huge windows and the inside was held in different shades of light pink set with various black accents. As Ann stepped inside, there was not a lot of business going on. Only a few tables were taken. People didn‘t go out for coffee during their lunch breaks. She spotted the fluffy hairdo of Haru in one of the booths in the back. There were binders spread out on the table in front of her and she was typing something into a calculator. _Family forgives._ She remembered Sojiros words before she took a deep breath and walked up to the table. „Is there room for one more?“ she carefully asked when Haru didn‘t look up from her books right away. The woman raised her head in confusion before her eyes went wide as she realized who was standing in front of her. Without a word she stood up to give her a long hug.

„What a surprise!“ Haru smiled as she let her go again, pointing to the chair beside her.

„I thought that I finally needed to keep my promise to come visit. It‘s 3 years late...“ Ann started.

„But we would have seen each other at the wedding anyway!“ Haru said with a smile as she waved one of her employees over. „Would you bring us some of the daily special? We have to celebrate.“

„I wanted to visit at least once before that. I really missed you all.“ Ann said. „Besides, I finally wanted to see the famous cafe Noir with my own eyes. I love it!“ Ann looked around the room once more in appreciation. Of all the Phantom Thieves, she had the most contact with Haru. Maybe that‘s why Haru was acting like everything was okay.

„I‘m glad you like it. I had three different interior designers do drafts before settling on this one.“ Haru reminisced before the waitress returned with two plates of cake.

Sojiro wasn‘t wrong, the cake was delicious. „Did you come here alone?“ Haru asked.

Ann nodded before quickly adding „He said that he didn‘t want to ruin the reunion. He‘s looking forward to the wedding though!“

Haru smiled „He sounds like such a considerate man. I can‘t wait to meet him. Oh! Why don‘t you come over for dinner tonight so you can meet Laito?“ she exclaimed.

„I‘d love to.“ Ann smiled.

„Wonderful.“ Haru seemed delighted and for a moment Ann felt like nothing had ever changed, like she hadn‘t been gone for 4 years. „Who will you surprise next?“ Haru asked.

Ann swallowed. Who indeed? Apparently Haru was thinking along with her „Oh, Yusuke has his studio nearby! Maybe he‘s there right now? And maybe Ryuji is working on Central Street. Ren and Makoto are probably the hardest to catch. They‘re always working… And I think Futaba is away for the whole weekend...“ Haru listed.

„Maybe I‘ll go see Yusuke then.“ she said with a smile before getting up „How much do I owe you?“ she asked while grabbing her wallet.

„Oh, please, friends and family eat for free.“ Haru waved her off before ripping a piece of paper from her notepad, scribbling something onto it. „Here, those are the adresses for Yusukes studio, Ryujis apartment and ours. Why don‘t you come to our place at around 8pm?“ she said as she pressed the piece of paper into her hand.

„Thanks, I will.“ Ann said before giving her friend a quick hug before leaving cafe Noir.

Yusuke was indeed at his small studio space so Ann spent her afternoon with him and Hifumi, who tagged along as well after she was done working at the museum. The tall and lanky man was fascinated by the stories Ann could tell about her life in the US and the art galleries there. They parted ways in the early evening, leaving Ann with a few hours to kill before she would go to Harus place. As she was scanning her note once more, she came across Ryujis adress. She balled her fists as she pulled herself together and walked towards the train station. She needed to get this over with, even if it turned out that he hated her now. She couldn‘t run away from him forever, just because she felt guilty for never writing him. She needed to apologize for her cowardly behaviour. She arrived at his apartment building, her teeth clenched ever since she got onto the train. The building was shabby and run-down with paint crumbling off the facade. The entrance was a big glass door with one of the glass panels kicked in. It was a simple door with a handle and no lock. As Ann rode the creaky and seevy elevator up, she realized that she had no idea of what to say to him, in case he actually was home. She was pondering a little longer as she turned the last corner to stand in front of his door, battling with herself whether she should knock or not. She was about to finally do it when she heard the elevator opening and footsteps approaching. She couldn‘t tell why, but her legs moved faster than her brain, and so she bolted around the other corner, feeling caught despite doing nothing forbidden. She caught her breath again before slightly peeking around the corner. Of course it was him. His once blonde hair was pitch black again but his hairstyle was still the same. There was a slight shadow of a beard visible on his sharp jawline. Ann couldn‘t help it, she only needed to see him to get a fuzzy feeling in her stomach. As he was fumbling around with his keys in front of his door, she almost got overwhelmed by her wish to walk up to him and hug him but then decided against it. It would have been strange to pop out from behind the corner... So she remained hidden, trying to tame the butterflies in her stomach as she watched him enter his apartment. After the door closed behind him, she waited for a few more moments before sneaking past his door and back to the elevator. She was still flustered when she sat on the train before she decided to call Josh to ask about his day before calling Shiho to set up something for tomorrow to take her mind off of things. After two calls, her stomach had settled down again. 

~

Ann spent her whole saturday hanging out with Shiho, who was more than excited about her surprise visit. They had still kept in touch over the years, but nothing could beat a girls day with shopping, chatting and eating. But this day came to an end as well and she faced another evening of discussing with herself whether to go see Ryuji for real this time or just stay at the hotel until her departure tomorrow. Her gaze fell to her small suitcase where the purple hoodie was laying on top of all her other clothes. She had taken it with her to finally give it back to him. She sighed as she picked it up before heading to Ryujis place again. This time, she didn‘t hesitate and knocked on the door before her doubts could get too overwhelming. As a few moments passed by with nothing happening, Ann was about to place the hoodie on the doormat and leave again, when the door opened. When Ryuji realized who was standing in front of him, he stopped dead in his track. He was wearing loose gym shorts and one of his old t-shirts. While his hair was black now, his haircut was still as chaotic as ever. As they were standing in front of each other now, Ann couldn‘t fail to notice how well-defined the muscles on his arms have gotten. She quickly drew her eyes upward again. He didn‘t even try to hide his confusion as he stared into her face.

„Hey, Ryuji.“ Ann tried to sound cheerful and unbothered but failed miserably. She had no doubt that he saw through that too. Her acting hadn‘t gotten any better and while Josh would never call her out on it, Ryuji had never missed a chance to. There seemed to be so much going on in Ryujis head, that he was unable to speak. When he averted his eyes, he came to look upon the purple bundle, that she was carrying in her hands. „I… thought I should return this...“ Ann said as she followed his eyes and extended her arms to hand him the hoodie.

Ryuji still looked incredibly dumbfounded when he slowly reached forward „Thanks… Been looking for that...“ he muttered, still unable to look her in the eyes.

An uncomfortable silence followed before Ann realized that he didn‘t seem happy to see her. This was a mistake. What was she thinking? She cleared her throat before taking a step back „I‘m sorry, this was stupid. I shouldn‘t have showed up at your doorstep like that. So... I don‘t wanna disturb you any longer… I‘m leaving again tomorrow, but…. see you at Haru‘s wedding.“ she said before turning around to walk back to the elevator. This didn‘t turn out like she thought. The worst case she had imagined was him being hostile or annoyed. But complete silence? From Ryuji? It somehow felt even more horrible to think that Ryuji of all people had nothing to say to her anymore. With dropped shoulders, she slouched towards the elevator, anticipating the door closing behind her any moment now. She was almost around the corner when she thought she heard a whispered „Dammit...“ before he called out to her „Ann…. Wait.“ A sudden wave of relief washed over her. She turned around to look at him. He still looked incredibly flustered and confused. „Do you wanna come in?“ he finally asked.

Stepping into Ryujis apartment was like stepping into another world. The small kitchenette was accompanied by a small table with a single chair. The rest of the room was only big enough to house a bed and a dresser with a TV on top. Ann couldn‘t contain it „Looks… cute.“ she said after a look around.

Ryuji snorted „Yeah, right.“ it was a small moment, but suddenly she felt like they were teens again, teasing each other as always. Ann chuckled. „You want something to drink?“ Ryuji asked as he wove past her towards the fridge.

„Okay.“ Ann said.

„There‘s not really a lot of space to sit, so you can sit on the bed if you want...“ Ryuji said, a little bit of red creeping up his neck as he was trying his hardest not to make it sound weird. Ann was slightly amused by his awkward proposition but walked towards the bed nonetheless, flinching when the bed creaked as she sat down on it. „Yeah, it does that… Heads up.“ Ryuji said before tossing her a bag of chips. Ann sat with her legs stretched out and her back resting against the wall at the head of the bed when Ryuji walked over to her and handed her a can of beer before sitting down cross-legged at a 90 degree angle beside her, the bed making even more horrible sounds than the first time. She couldn‘t contain a giggle. Ryuji tore open the bag of chips in the meantime, seemingly relaxing a little more around her.

„So, what brings you here?“ Ryuji asked, offering her the bag of chips.

„I figured that I owed you all a visit….“ Ann tried to quip and sound lighthearted when she actually didn‘t feel like joking at all.

„No kidding...“ Ryuji muttered, but there was no anger or hurt in his voice.

„I know… I‘m sorry...“ Ann said, fixing her gaze on her beer can.

„It‘s okay. Your life‘s somewhere else now...“ Ryuji shrugged and took a sip. Ann realized how horrible this sounded. As if she had toyed with him and then left to never return.

She swallowed before replying „That doesn‘t make it okay. I‘m really sorry.“ there was another silence when they tried to look anywhere but at each other until Ann gathered all her strength to continue „So...How‘s Kaiko doing?“. She had only been told by the other girls that he was seeing someone.

Ryuji looked at her with an expression that she couldn‘t read before answering „Probably better now...“. There was a dark look in his eyes before he knocked back his beer.

„What happened?“

He sighed, talking about his ex wasn‘t something that he liked to do, but it was Ann and he always felt like Ann was easy to talk to, even despite her being quick to scold and a pain in the ass sometimes. „Nothing much… I think she was waiting for me to commit to something… and I couldn‘t...“ he said, remembering their last argument „she wanted us to move in together, find a new place…“

„Why did you say no?“ Ann asked softly. Ryuji was surprised, he had anticipated her making a mean remark or at least calling him an asshole. „…. I dunno…“ Ryuji answered „but I wasted many months of her life by telling her that maybe I would be ready someday...“. He wasn‘t proud of that. He had gone into the relationship not sure if he really wanted to be with her in the first place and over the months, it had started to feel more and more like he was just staying with her, making those false promises, to prove to himself that he was able to maintain a relationship after crashing the one before.

Ann was in thought for a moment before saying „I‘m sorry that it didn‘t work out...“. Ryuji had changed a lot since the last time she saw him. It was almost painful to see this sadness that surrounded him. She had no doubt that he was constantly beating himself up over all the wrongs he thought he did. Back then, they were a little too young to understand what serious dating really was like. When they were teenagers, he always came off as this douche who would stare after every pretty girl, but deep down she had always known that that wasn‘t everything he was about. Maybe he just hadn‘t known at that time but she had. His heart was too big for that. She had never seen him like this. He did try to cover it up, but he seemed so… defeated. With Kamoshida and everything Phantom Thieves-related, he had always been angry and ready to fight back against the injustice, but this time, there was no injustice to fight. Your own feelings can‘t be unfair to you. She wanted to take his hand but decided against it. After another long silence, she shifted a little bit, causing the bedframe to creak once more: „Seriously, what did you do with that bed?“

„It‘s just old. It‘s not like I have money to throw around at will.“ his tone got defensive.

„I'm definitly not lending you anything anymore.“ Ann stated, hoping that he would get that she wasn‘t serious. It was a stupid try to lighten the mood. A desperate attempt to return to their teenage days and friendship.

Ryuji looked at her, baffled, as he realized that she was joking. Had it been anyone else, he would have been angry. But it was Ann, so all he said was „Shuddup and eat your chips.“ He tried to stay serious, he didn‘t even think it was funny and still there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, simply because they had fallen into their old bantering so fast again. Ann grinned as well before saying „No, but for real-“. „For real?“ Ryuji interrupted, a teasing grin on his face. During their third year of high school, Ann had started to demonstrate how often he used this phrase by always immitating him whenever he said it. It had become their inside joke. She started laughing out loud and for a moment, they both felt lighter. Ryuji had almost forgotten how Anns laugh could brighten up the whole room and how those turquoise eyes of hers managed to shine even more. He had missed it.

„What about your guy?“ Ryuji asked as they had calmed down again.

„What about him?“ Ann asked, popping another chip into her mouth.

„I dunno… what‘s he like? Are you happy?“ Ann smiled as she thought about Josh before answering „Yeah. he‘s a really great guy. I can‘t wait for you all to meet him at Harus wedding.“

Ryuji just nodded, the faintest sign of his jaw clenching a little.

„Laito and Haru are too cute.“ Ann decided to change the subject. She felt a little uncomfortable to talk about Josh with Ryuji.

„All of us can tell..“ he sighed before telling Ann about last months dinner party. As imagined, Ann reacted with an Awww.

„And oh my god, Hifumi and Yusuke make a really good couple!“ Ann said, getting excited.

Ryuji grinned „Right? I mean.. who knew that Yusuke would be any girls type..“.

„None of you really were… Except for Ren… He seemed to be loved by everyone...“ Ann stated „Remember that journalist who was so obsessed with him?“ she grinned when Ryuji shot her a look that could only mean an annoyed „For real?“ before answering „She still is. Last time we ran across her at a bar and she wouldn‘t stop talking. She also got really touchy with him..“. His heart managed to flutter and feel heavy at the same time when Ann laughed out loud once more.

„Guess she was lucky that Makoto wasn‘t there.“.

„Oh, she was! She totally looked like she wanted to handcuff her. But she wasn‘t on the force back then.“.

„I can imagine the look on her face!“ Ann laughed.

„It was almost as scary as when she told Kaneshiro to shut up.“ Ryuji said.

Ann smiled as she took in the moment. This was exactly like all of their study sessions in third grade, that had never gone on for long before they ended up lounging around and doing nothing. Maybe that was the reason why they didn‘t do that great on their finals. She saw that Ryuji had relaxed a little bit too, his back resting against the other wall of the corner that the bed was standing in. He seemed to ponder over something

„So… why now?“ he quietly asked, staring at the can in his hand.

„I… don‘t know. I just… felt that it was about time...“ Ann quietly answered back. There was a knot in her throat. Was he going to ask her about that night? Would he ask why she left without saying anything? What would she say then? She swallowed while continuing to observe Ryuji, who seemed lost in thought for a moment.

It felt like minutes passed when he finally looked at her and gave her a small smile „Yeah… It really was.“.

As they were chatting and laughing along, the time flew by and soon they were standing in his door again, saying good-bye. „Thanks for the hoodie.“ Ryuji said as he was casually leaning in the doorframe, his arms crossed. Ann grinned „Thanks for the chips and the beer…. I‘ll… see you in July.“ He nodded before standing up straight again, looking at her, both of them uncertain of what to do next. So there they kept standing, only inches apart, looking at each other in comfortable silence. They both couldn‘t tell who initiated it, but before they knew it, they were hugging each other good-bye, both a little reluctant to let go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so they meet again!
> 
> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Cheetah Tongue ~ The Wombats


	5. May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When you know who's calling, even though the number is blocked."

Ryuji was on his way home after work and a workout when his phone vibrated in the side pocket of his baggy shorts. He was surprised to see that it was from Ann and quickly tapped on the attached photo to see a street artist dressed like a pirate. Below, Anns caption read „Looks like Captain Kidd, right?“

Ryuji grinned before replying „Could be Jack Sparrow… He‘s missing a ship too.“

He was surprised to see Ann immediatly typing an answer. **Ann:** „Ugh, you‘re such a killjoy.“

 **Ryuji:** Okay, maybe it does look a little like Kidd. Gotta find Carmen next.

 **Ann:** I‘m sure none of them have a dress like my Carmen.

 **Ryuji:** Yeah, because you‘d need to censor it.

 **Ann:** Haha, I guess.

 **Ryuji:** It was a nice dress though.

 **Ann:** You‘re such a perv…

 **Ryuji:** I was just agreeing with you!!!

 **Ann:** Uhuh… Sure ;P

 **Ryuji:** Seriously, she had two men on a leash. I wouldn‘t want to piss her off...

 **Ann:** Not into dominant women? ;)

The train had arrived at his station when Ryuji read Anns last text and started to flush uncontrollably. What the hell was she doing? What the fuck was HE doing? He shouldn‘t be writing with her, and how had it gotten so insinuating so fast? He pondered over a response as he walked towards his building. When he kicked the door of his apartment shut, he took out his phone only to realize that Ann had sent another message with a photo attached, showing a black cat roaming through a park.

 **Ann:** Morgana‘s with Ren and Makoto, right? XD

 **Ryuji:** Wouldn‘t surprise me if he found out you visited and climbed into your bag to travel with „Lady Ann“. But he would be all up in your business then…

 **Ann** : I guess you‘re right… It looked like him though.

 **Ryuji:** As much as the pirate looked like Kidd… ;)

 **Ann:** Jerk.

 **Ryuji:** Just telling the truth here!

Ryuji grinned about the nostalgia that hit him from texting with Ann. With his phone in hand, he walked to his kitchenette to turn on the electric kettle and take out a cup of instant noodles. He took a photo of the cup and sent it to her.

 **Ryuji:** You got any of the good stuff in the big city?

 **Ann** : I don‘t remember the last time I ate something like this… There are some good ramen places though.

 **Ryuji:** Too fancy for instant food now?

 **Ann** : Why get the instant version, when you can have the real stuff?

 **Ryuji:** Damn, you must be rich to say shit like that…

 **Ann:** I wouldn‘t put it like that…

The kettle made a click, signaling it was done. Ryuji poured the water over the noodles and put a fork into the cup before walking over to his bed with it. While he waited for his dinner to get ready, he changed into sweatpants and a tshirt, sat down on his bed and turned on the TV. He took another photo of his cup of noodles with the fork in it, standing in front of the TV.

 **Ann:** I do miss eating in bed…

 **Ryuji:** It‘s easier when you don‘t have to worry about dirtying your silk sheets ;)

 **Ann:** How do you know about my sheets?!

 **Ryuji:** I guessed.

 **Ann:** You got the wrong idea about me…

 **Ryuji** : Don‘t take it personal, I also think that Haru, Makoto and Ren have silk sheets.

 **Ann:** I don‘t know about Ren and Makoto, but you‘re right about Haru.

 **Ryuji:** You were in her bedroom??

 **Ann:** Have you never gotten a tour of her house?

 **Ryuji:** I think that‘s a girl-thing. It‘s a big-ass house, I don‘t need to know the details.

 **Ann** : I get your point.

 **Ryuji:** Hope you weren‘t expecting a tour of my place.

 **Ann:** I have a feeling that I‘ve already seen everything there.

 **Ryuji:** You haven‘t seen the effing tiny bathroom.

 **Ann:** Doesn‘t sound like I missed a lot…

Ryuji grinned all the way as he was both texting and eating simultaneously with the TV running in the back. If someone had told him two months ago, that he would be casually texting with Ann again, he would have called them crazy. To think that he had almost let her leave after their first awkward encounter at his doorstep... He had just been overwhelmed with the whole situation. Just seeing her again had been a both terrible and pleasant shock. She was as breathtaking as ever. But he knew that. He had seen pictures. When she had turned around to leave, his brain told him that it was better this way. Because the more time they spent together, the more it would hurt. But it had also hurt to see her go. So he had called her back and invited her inside, without thinking about how messy his apartment looked and how unfurnished it was for entertaining a guest. And somehow she had ended up not minding.

 **Ryuji:** So, what are you up to at the moment?

 **Ann:** Got some time to kill before a casting at midday.

Another photo came in, this time of a coffee cup on a marble table.

 **Ryuji** : It‘s so crazy that my day is almost over when yours is just starting…

 **Ann:** Not to mention the jetlag you get… But I gotta go now… Thanks for keeping me company :)

 **Ryuji:** See ya!

He couldn‘t stop smiling like crazy when he put his phone away and finished his cup of noodles while watching TV.

Ryuji was about to fall asleep at 11pm, when his phone suddenly buzzed again.

 **Ann:** Hope I don‘t wake you up, just wanted to say that it was nice to text like this again.

 **Ryuji:** Yeah, agreed. I‘m about to go to bed now. Good night.

 **Ann:** Oh! You never answered my question about dominant women!

 **Ryuji:** Good night, Ann.

He grinned as he put his phone away and went to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Knee Socks ~ Arctic Monkeys


	6. June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maybe it's the crazy, that I'd miss."

„Helloooo? Earth to Ann!“ a loud voice rang in her ears, ripping her out of her thoughts.

She was sitting in one of the trendy cafes near her agency with Beatrice, her closest friend in the States, but she had gotten lost in thoughts several times today. „Yeah, sorry.“ she said, forcing a smile as she turned towards her.

„Geez, what‘s with you today?“ Beatrice asked, taking a sip of her coffee before saying „You look like you‘ve seen a ghost...“

Ann went through the possible responses in her head. It was kinda like she‘d seen a ghost…

„You‘re doing it again!! Just spit it out already!“ Beatrice was annoyed while waving her hand in front of Anns eyes to keep her attention.

„I can‘t tell you! It‘s… embarassing...“ Ann blocked, flushing a little.

„That makes it soo much more interesting!“ Beatrice grinned viciously while toying with the small spoon in her coffee cup.

Ann took a deep breath. She knew that she was not going to be able to get out of this. „I… had a dream tonight...“ she started before pondering about her next words.

„Okay, you‘ve told me about your dreams before, so I suppose that this must have been a naughty dream…“ Beatrice was amused by Anns nervous squirming. „Was it something about Josh?“ she sang with a wide grin on her face.

Ann gathered herself again, looking straight at her friend „Yes and…. No….“.

„What‘s wrong with dreaming about other guys? I still dream about some of the male models I worked with years ago. That‘s just your fantasy, you don‘t even know them. It‘s not like you‘re betraying your boyfriend.“ Beatrice shrugged, seeming a little disappointed by her big secret.

„But what if I knew the guy I was dreaming about?“ she paused, carefully choosing her next words „What if it wasn‘t really a dream but a memory?“ Ann asked.

„Uuuuh, now I‘m interested again… Tell me all about that mystery guy!“ her friend grinned, visibly enjoying herself.

„I know him from Japan. We went to the same middle and high school. We‘ve been through… a lot… together and he‘s one of my best friends…“ Ann started, trying to sum up her friendship with Ryuji as well as possible without mentioning their time as partners-in-crime when they ran around the Metaverse, changing peoples hearts and ending up going against a god.

„Yeah, yeah, but what about the dirty stuff?“ Beatrice asked impatiently.

Ann sighed before the words started spilling out „We slept together the night before I was off to live here.“. In fear of Beatrices loud reaction, she had squeezed her eyes shut in advance only to notice that her friend was quietly staring at her, her mouth slightly agape.

„WHAT? You‘re telling me that you, Ann Takamaki, had a One-Night-Stand with your best friend from school? On the night before you up and left??“ she was incredulous.

Ann sighed before nodding „It just.. happened… “. There had always been something that drew her towards Ryuji. His loud mouth, his loyalty or just the fact that he had stuck out of the crowd like she had. While she often felt like kicking him out of the orbit for staring down her shirt or doing anything else pervy, she must have caught herself staring at his well defined abs equally as many times. Of course she had done it far more subtle than he had ever done anything.

Beatrice was still staring at her in disbelief. „Oh my god! Who is this person sitting in front of me? I always thought you were a prude!“.

„I‘m not!“ Ann shrieked.

„Fine, fine, whatever you say. So, you dreamed about him again and now you‘re worried?“ Beatrice calmed herself down again and turned a little more serious.

„I feel.. guilty… I mean, why is this coming back to me now? That was almost 4 years ago..“ Ann whined, annoyed with herself.

„Cause he‘s The One That Got Away!“ Beatrice said.

„The what?“ Ann looked at her in confusion.

„You know… The One That Got Away! As in…how do I say this….the guy you would have been together with if life hadn‘t had a different plan? If you hadn‘t left Japan, you probably would be with him now, don‘t you think?“ Beatrice patiently explained.

„But if I hadn‘t left, I wouldn‘t have slept with him...“ Ann replied.

„If you hadn‘t left, maybe you would be dating now. Or even married.“.

„That doesn‘t matter anymore, I left and I have Josh now, and I love him.“ Ann said angrily, more to scold herself for her thoughts than explaining it to her friend.

„You have a clue why you‘re thinking about him again?“ Beatrice asked.

„Maybe because I saw him again two months ago after not talking to him for over three years...“ Ann sighed.

„So you slept with him and then never talked to him again?“ Beatrice was still incredulous „Damn, that‘s messed up… I thought you were friends...“.

„We were.. and we still are. But after leaving, I felt so miserable and homesick that I was scared that talking to him would make me want to return even more… and when that phase was over, I felt bad for never writing and I was scared that if I called, he would tell me how disappointed he was… So I always put it on hold and felt miserable for it...“ Ann explained to Beatrice and recalled her first months here, crying in Ryujis hoodie because she felt bad for leaving him the way she had and being too scared to write anything in fear of learning that he might hate her now. The truth was, that when she had woken up the morning after, she had wanted to stay in bed with him and just turn the alarm off to turn around to go back to sleep in his arms. But she had gotten up and dressed and left. Later she cursed herself for it, but she hadn‘t even woken him up to say a proper good-bye. Instead, she had kissed his cheek before leaving with a heavy heart.

To Anns surprise, Beatrice seemed to be out of witty comments as she was just looking at her „Damn...“ she finally said. „So.. how did he react when he saw you again?“.

„Reserved at the beginning.. But after some time it felt like I had never left and we laughed about our stupid inside jokes...“ Ann smiled at the memory of them sitting on Ryujis bed, eating chips and drinking beer.

„Did you get to talk about that night?“ Beatrice asked, now completely captivated by her story.

„It just.. didn‘t come up… Really.“ Ann shook her head. It sounded strange, but when she had sat there with him, it felt like there was nothing to talk about.

Beatrice looked at her wide-eyed „Oh my god, Ann! This is like one of those super dramatic lovestories.“.

Ann shook her head „No, it‘s not. I‘m with Josh now and I‘m happy. I shouldn‘t even be thinking about this! I‘m glad that Ryuji is not mad at me and that we‘re still friends, but that‘s all it is. Ryuji is my friend, Josh is the man I love.“ Ann said, determined.

Beatrice raised her hands in defense „Okay, okay, I got it. I‘m just saying that this is like the story of a freaking movie.“

Ann sighed „I even have the sarcastic and bitchy friend...“.

Beatrice grinned her vicious smile again „Aww, thanks.“

Ann got home late at night. Josh was already getting ready for bed when she entered their bedroom, tired and exhausted.

„Hey there beautiful. Tough day?“ he smiled a gentle smile as he approached to give her a kiss.

Ann felt strange when he took her into his arms. She had slept through him leaving in the morning, so she hadn‘t seen him since she had woken up from her dream about Ryuji. She quickly pushed the thoughts away to return his hug. „Yeah, I lost track of time with Beatrice and then we were late for the casting and had to wait forever...“ she sighed against his chest.

„Sounds exhausting...“ Josh gently stroked her hair before kissing the top of her head.

„How was your day?“ Ann asked, leaning against him and closing her eyes.

„Nothing special.. Just a bunch of boring meetings..“ Josh answered. „But the thought of seeing my girlfriends beautiful face in the evening helped me keep going.“

Ann looked up at him and grinned before asking „And which one would that be?“

Josh took a step back, visibly confused „You of course. Why would you ask something like that?“.

„Just a joke, it was stupid, sorry.“ Ann apologized. She took a step towards him to close the gap again and gave him a kiss.

Josh took her back into his arms „Don‘t joke about that. You're the only one for me.“.

„I know.“ Ann smiled before stepping out of his embrace again „I‘m gonna go get ready for bed.“ she smiled at him before going to the master bathroom.

After she closed the door and turned on the faucet of the sink, she let out a deep sigh before looking at herself in the mirror. Why did she make those stupid comments recently? It wasn‘t the first time that she had weirded out Josh in the last month. She knew that he wasn‘t the type to engage in this kind of bantering and he often interpreted way too much into it, when it was nothing more than a silly comment. She had never had a problem with that, but today, she felt a little annoyed by how offended he was because of a stupid joke. She stared at herself in the mirror before slapping herself. Had visiting Japan thrown her into old habits that much? Why was she suddenly trying to banter with Josh like she had with her friends, or mainly Ryuji, all those years ago?

_„Can‘t believe you‘re leaving for real..“ he_ _had_ _said. „For Real?“ Ann_ _had_ _teased, she just couldn‘t hold back despite him being serious. Ryuji_ _had_ _raised an eyebrow and sighed „Shuddup! It‘s not like you‘re not gonna miss us.“. „Yeah right.“ Ann_ _was grinning_ _as she playfully punched his shoulder. There had been a short silence as they were sitting on the floor of the big room_ _that_ _Shiho had rented to throw her farewell-party. Ann_ _had_ _thought that she was alone when she sat down on the floor to process the whole evening, when suddenly Ryuji had turned up to sit down beside her. „We‘ll all miss you.“ Ryuji_ _had_ _said, barely audible.. Ann_ _had_ _smiled a wistful smile and placed her hand on his before answering „I‘ll miss you too. For real.“._

She let out another sigh before cleaning her face. Her dream about Ryuji was probably her brain coping with seeing him again after such a long time. For now she remembered again, how the sparks had been flying in front of her eyes when they had kissed. How it had felt like her hand perfectly fit into his, their fingers locking like a key in its lock. There surely was no meaning behind all of this. She shook her head as if that would get rid of her confusing thoughts before changing into her pajamas.

When she got back to the bedroom, Josh was still awake and checking something on his phone. Ann walked across the room and climbed into bed beside him before kissing his cheek. Josh smiled and put his phone away to turn towards her.

„You know how much I love you, right?“ he asked, caring yet serious.

Ann was laying on her side as well „I know. It was just a stupid joke, I don‘t know what came over me...“ she reassured him, giving him a kiss to end the conversation.

„Good night.“ Josh said, giving her a last kiss before turning over to lay on his back and closing his eyes.

„Good night.“ Ann whispered, watching him for a while before closing her eyes as well. He was a good guy, kind-hearted and he wouldn‘t hurt a fly. No wonder he got so confused by Anns teasing. Had she altered her behaviour so drastically when she met him? Was the person she was back in Japan her true self and the person she was right here and now wasn‘t? She opened her eyes once more to look at Josh. His face was relaxed, his breathing flat. She smiled. Josh was the one she wanted to be with. He was sweet and considerate and she had no doubt that he truly loved her. And still, when Ann closed her eyes again, all she could see was Ryujis face back at the empty party location, as he was leaning in to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Turn ~ The Wombats


	7. July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We both know that it's time to go, we both know you're going to stay."

Harus wedding took place in a classy hotel at the beach a little bit outside of Tokyo. The couple had decided to make their wedding a three-day event with arrivals throughout friday and a practice dinner, the ceremony throughout saturday and departures on sunday after breakfast. Ann and Josh walked into the lobby only an hour before dinner due to flight delays. As they stood in the big, spacious lobby, they saw that the hotel had set up a an own reception desk just for the wedding guests.

„Just how big is this going to get?“ Josh was impressed.

„I don‘t know.. but I heard that Laito has a huge family. And Haru seems to have a lot of distant relatives.... And then all of their friends...“ Ann listed up as they walked towards the desk. She assumed that they were one of the last to arrive.

Check-In went by smoothly and they were assigned a room on the fourth floor, sadly without beach view. They settled in before checking the time-table that was handed out to them by the receptionist. Since they got here way later than anticipated, they got ready for the dinner right away before walking downstairs to the big ceremony hall. There were many circular tables spread over one half of the hall, the other half would be tomorrows dancefloor. As they walked around the room, trying to find out where they were supposed to sit, Ann immediatly spotted Futabas red hair sticking out. She smiled as she took Joshs hand to walk up to them, but before she could say anything, Ren had already spotted them, a grin spreading across his face before uttering something to the group, that immediatly whirled around to face them. After a long session of greeting everyone and introducing Josh, Ann found herself standing in front of Ryuji, the only one she hadn‘t greeted yet. She couldn‘t tell if she had ever seen him wear a button-down. Maybe for their graduation ceremony? There was a bit of an awkward silence between them while the others were chatting away with Josh. Ann still had her dream from last month in mind, making it a little uncomfortable to stand in front of him in person. But was he acting awkward too? It felt like they both didn‘t know how to greet each other all of a sudden. Had this always been a problem for them? Last time they had said goodbye, they hugged. Why did it feel wrong now?

They continued making and avoiding eye contact for a few more awkward moments before Ryuji cleared his throat before lightly jabbing her in the shoulder with an uncertain grin. „Hey...“ was all he brought out.

„Hey...“ Ann replied before grabbing Josh by the wrist to pull him up „This is Josh! Josh, this is Ryuji!“ she hurriedly anounced, her voice way too loud.

„Ryuji! It‘s nice to meet you!“ Josh ignored Anns weirdness, as always, but since she was with almost all of the Phantom Thieves now, she knew that not everyone would look past it.

If Ryuji hadn‘t been so relieved to finally get out of their uncomfortable stare-off, he would have called her out on it for sure. But instead, he just took Joshs hand „Good to meet you, man.“

Josh turned towards the rest of the group „It‘s so good to finally meet you all. Now I finally have faces to go with the stories this one told me about her friends in Tokyo.“

Ann laughed a nervous laugh „Oh! Where‘s the bride and groom?“ This time she caught Futaba raising her eyebrow at her. She knew something was off. Probably everyone but Josh realized that something was off.

Ann started to loosen up during dinner. Josh seemed to get along with everyone, only Ryuji seemed to be a little reserved and distant. The two still avoided eye contact throughout the whole evening, as to avoid any more uncomfortable situations. Why wasn‘t she able to chat with him like they always had? Why was everything so weird? In general, Ryuji was very quiet today. Normally, he would be the one to talk the loudest, but today, it looked like the table was divided into many smaller groups who chatted with each other, instead of one big conversation. She noticed how Futaba and Ryuji regularly stuck their heads together, whispering about something. She wondered if Futaba was saying something bad about her. During her visit in April, Futaba had been out of town, so Ann didn‘t get to meet with her. She forced herself to look the other way, where Josh was engaged in a lively conversation with Yusuke, Hifumi and Makoto.

„Having fun?“ the voice startled her.

She turned to Ren, who was sitting beside her. She smiled „Yeah. It‘s nice to see everyone together again.“.

Ren looked around the table „You‘re right. This hasn‘t been the case for a long time.“.

Ann chewed her lip „I know… I‘m sorry.“. She knew that Ren would never hold it against her, but that didn‘t change the fact that she did.

Ren shook his head with his usual charming smile „Don‘t be stupid. You‘re famous over there. I mean, if that doesn‘t mean that you bested Mika, then I don‘t know.“.

Ann had to giggle. She had almost forgotten about her stupid feud with Mika.

„But I‘m not gonna lie, we did miss you.“ Ren continued before smirking at her „I could have used your help keeping Ryuji in check.“. They both cast a glance at him. He was still chatting with Futaba and now also Hifumi, although it seemed like Hifumi had trouble following the topic that the other two had chosen.

Ann took her soda and toyed with the straw „Did he need to be kept in check that much?“ she grinned at Ren.

He grinned in return, sightly shaking his head „No, I guess you did a pretty good job while I was gone.“.

She smiled as she remembered all their study sessions at Shujin during third year and all those times that the librarian had kicked them out because one of them had been complaining too loudly. At one point, they hadn‘t even dared to step foot in there anymore. So they had decided to study at the diner instead, which had also proven counterproductive when they got far too hooked up on eating first before groaning that they were too stuffed to study after. Studying at one of their places had not proven ideal either, there just have been too many things in their rooms to take their minds away from the initial idea (even if it was just Anns disbelief about how high someone can pile up his clothes. They had managed to have hour-long discussions about this). Looking back at it, it wasn‘t really the fault of any of the locations, but probably because of how easily both of them got distracted. One time, they had been so desperate to get away from studying that Ryuji decided to re-bleach his hair then and there after Ann had teased him about his roots starting to show. She hadn‘t stopped him, instead she had sat on the edge of his bathtub, watching him do it, laughing, while her eyes were watering from the ammonium. The more she thought about it now, the heavier her heart got. She glanced over to him before turning her attention back to Ren „That‘s good to hear.“ she smiled.

„But honestly, it‘s good to have you back, Panther.“ Ren lightly squeezed her shoulder. Panther. How long has it been since anyone had called her that?

She smiled back „It‘s good to be back, Joker.“. She noticed how the table had gotten quiet.

Josh turned around to look at her „Joker? How did you get that nickname?“ he asked with a grin, leaving Ann struggling for a response.

Futaba cleared her throat on the other side of the round table before stating „He tells the worst jokes“.

Josh grinned while Ren furrowed his brow „I wouldn‘t put it like that…“ he looked at Makoto, who conveniently found something else to look at.

Josh laughed „Joker.. that‘s a cool name, if you don‘t tell the story behind it.“.

_You have no idea…_ Ann thought to herself. When she looked around the table, she guessed that everyone else thought about as much.

Ryuji excused himself at 9pm, claiming that he was tired. The rest of them sat together until 10pm before they said their good-nights and retired to their rooms. Ann and Josh were about to turn towards the elevators when a flash of purple appeared in the corner of Anns vision. He was wearing the hoodie that she had returned a few months ago and he was walking towards the bar.

„Something wrong?“ Josh asked as she kept staring into the now empty hallway. He wrapped his arm around her waist before stifling a yawn.

„Huh? Yeah, yeah.“ Ann quickly replied.

„Man, I‘m tired…“ Josh yawned once more. „Damn jetlag...“.

„Totally..“ Ann said, absentminded, as they stepped into the elevator.

After Josh got ready for bed, Ann was standing in their bathroom, removing her make-up and tieing her hair into a ponytail. She was about to change into her pajamas when her hands developed a mind of their own as they reached for a pair of running-tights and a hoodie. When she left the bathroom, the bedroom was already dark except for the small lamp beside the bed. Josh looked at her with a quizzical look. „I… I‘m not really tired.. I‘m gonna go for a walk.“ Ann stammered.

„Are you sure? We got a long day tomorrow… Is everything okay?“ Josh raised an eyebrow.

„Yup.. I‘m not gonna take long.“ Ann managed a smile before walking over to him to give him a kiss „Sleep tight.“

_What am I doing???_ he brain was screaming at Ann as she rode the elevator to the ground floor again. How was it a good idea to leave her boyfriend to go look for Ryuji? _The One that got away_ , Beatrice had called him. While this all sounded incredibly dramatic, Ann still defyed the implication that her life turned into a romantic drama. And while she pondered over all of this, her feet seemed to carry her to the bar on their own. While Ryuji was now missing a trademark, his colorful clothes were still the same. He was sitting outside on the terrace with a glass of beer in hand, staring into the distance. Ann ordered one as well before walking out.

„Mind if I sit?“ Ann asked, startled when Ryujis body twitched before his head snapped up to look at her. He seemed a bit confused and maybe a little bit annoyed?

„I‘m gonna go...“ he muttered, starting to get up.

„No, please stay.“ Ann almost begged. She needed to clear the air between them. Ryuji still looked sceptical but remained seated while Ann settled into one of the chairs. There was a long silence again before Ann gathered her strength. „I‘m sorry...“ she started, looking for words „if I made things weird today..“.

Ryuji took a sip before shrugging „You don‘t need to apologize.. I was acting weird too...“.

„I‘m sorry that I never called...“ Ann blurted out. Her talk with Beatrice made her realize, that maybe she needed to bring it up.

„Geez, Ann. That was years ago.“ he sighed.

„Yeah, but we never got to talk about it...“.

Ryuji sighed, throwing her a look that could only mean that this was not something he wanted to do, before muttering „If you wanna talk about it, I‘m gonna need something stronger.“. He didn‘t wait for her reaction and got up to return with a tray with six shots. He put three down in front of her „You wanna talk about it? You have three turns.“

Ann raised her eyebrow but grudgingly agreed to his terms. If this was going to help them have an honest conversation, so be it. Ryuji had downed the rest of his beer before he motioned for her to continue. Ann took a deep breath before taking the first shot „Urgh, that‘s disgusting….I‘m sorry I didn‘t say good-bye before leaving.“

In a swift motion, Ryuji emptied his first shot as well. Ann could tell that he was trying to look tough and keep his face steady, but she still noticed his eye twitching. He put the glass down before looking at her. „Don‘t be so melodramatic. You‘re acting like you‘ve broken my heart or something..“ he rolled his eyes „You didn‘t. We both knew how this would end and we were aware that you were leaving. I‘m a heavy sleeper, maybe I wouldn‘t have woken up, even if you had tried.“ Ryuji shrugged.

Ann eyed him suspiciously. Had she always interpreted way too much into their one-time thing? Had he really not cared at all? Or was it just an act? If this had been the first time that she saw him again, she would have been sure that he hated her. But he didn‘t. Why would he have invited her into his apartment a few months ago then? Why have they texted so much in the last months, if he had hated her all along? After all those questions flew through her head, she knew what her next question should be. „You have to tell the truth, right?“ she asked. Ryuji reluctantly nodded. „After that night, have you ever been mad at me? Like really mad?“. Ryuji pointed at the second shot in front of her. „Dammit.“ Ann cursed, she was so on edge about his answer that she honestly forgot. The beer and the first shot, added with the wine they had for dinner already started to go to her head.

„I never was. We both knew that you would be off to somewhere better. You had your plan made out and that night was not a part of it.“ Ann wasn‘t sure if she heard a little bit of disappointment in the last part. Ryuji took his second shot. _The guy you would have been together with, if life hadn‘t had a different plan_. Beatrices voice was in Anns head again. Had she actually been right? If she hadn‘t gone to the US that day, if she had given in to her desire to stay in bed with Ryuji back then, would she be attending Harus wedding with him today? She was afraid to admit it, but she feared that the answer was Yes. The realization also made her see once more how incredibly wrong it was to sit here with him, while her boyfriend was sleeping upstairs, thinking that she just went for a walk. She had always had this tiny little crush on him. And even after all these years, the attraction between them hadn't gone anywhere. His damn face that could produce the most stupid and handsome smiles at the same time. That idiot who was able to drive her mad both ways. That loud mouth who could talk so much shit and still managed to be charming somehow, in his very own way. The loveable jerk who would always have her back while being the first to make fun of her. While her bad conscience urged her to say good-night and leave and go to bed beside Josh, the rest of her wanted to stay around him, ask her last question and then laugh about stupid stuff together. _You had your plan made out and that night was not a part of it._ How did he mean that? But something held her back from asking further, unsure of what she would do if she knew the answer. She took a deep breath before asking „Why do you think we acted so strange today?“ she reached for the last glass, downing it quick. Even after number 3, it was still gross.

That seemed to catch Ryuji by surprise. She couldn‘t tell if he either pondered over his answer or if the alcohol was reaching his head by now. He took his last shot too before answering „Josh just seems so… flawless.“ he said the last word with distaste „Ya know, like all those rich kids that used to look down on us… I‘ve always been wary of people like him.. But that‘s my problem. What‘s yours?“

Ann was a bit taken aback, she wasn‘t comfortable with being the respondant now. But she guessed that she had it coming by asking. She thought about it for a second before answering „I guess I wasn‘t sure how to act around you with him around… It‘s stupid, I know.“.

„So he doesn‘t know that we...“ Ryuji said.

Ann shook her head. „It‘s not something that randomly comes up…“

Ryuji remained silent, but he seemed understanding.

„Do you regret it?“ Anns tongue was faster than her brain. But she wanted to know. Maybe she was only imagining stuff, but he did sound like he had cared.

Ryuji looked at her with a blank expression, his brown eyes fixed on her. It seemed like he was struggling to find an answer until his eyes darted down to the empty shot glasses. A both triumphant and relieved grin spread across his face „You‘re out of questions.“.

„Then I‘ll get another round.“ Ann challenged.

„That‘s not what we agreed to.“ Ryuji leaned back in his chair, visibly relieved that he got to dodge that one.

„What? No! Come one, just one more!“ Ann insisted but she was falling on deaf ears. Defeated, she crumpled up a napkin and threw it at him. Ryuji chuckled before looking at the pool and beach ahead. Ann did the same, blinking a few times when her brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton. She definitly had too much to drink tonight. „You know… Last month, I had a dream about us...“ her mouth started talking. Normally, she would have been embarassed to talk about it. It was already horrible enough when Beatrice had forced her to tell. She would have never even dared to tell Ryuji, of all people, about this. But the alcohol had changed her mind, and now the thought about her insinuating dream appeared incredibly funny to her. She suddenly started to giggle uncontrollably.

Ryuji froze for a second before the alcohol seemed to loosen up his tongue too. He turned to grin at her „For real? What was it about?“

Ann grinned before propping up her elbows on the table, leaning in a little closer towards him „I really shouldn't tell....“

Ryuji leaned closer as well so they were face to face over the small table, having a stare-off. „Coward.“ Ryuji teased. Their foreheads were almost touching.

„Shut up. I reeeeaally shouldn't talk to you about this.. And you can NEVER tell Josh, okay?“ Ann had a wicked look on her face and wouldn‘t budge.

Ryujis eyes went wide all of a sudden and a knowing grin spread over his face „No way! I know what kind of dream you had! Whaaaaat?“ his voice rose excitedly.

Even though her inhibitions were lowered, her face still turned red as she quickly clapped a hand over Ryujis mouth „Be quiet, you idiot! It‘s a secret!!“ It was enough to look into Ryujis eyes to see how amused he was by this. Their faces were still a few inches apart from each other as she removed her hand from his mouth again.

Ryuji calmed down a little before looking at her with a challenging grin „Well now I‘m curious. You gotta tell me everything.“

Ann drew back from their close encounter, crossing her arms in front of her chest „NO!“. Ryuji continued to stare with that provocative grin of his until Ann threw her hands up in defeat. „If you wanna talk about it, I‘ll need something strong.“ she imitated his statement from before.

Ryuji grinned in triumph as he almost jumped to his feet „On it!“. As he walked past her, he messed with her hair before wavering towards the bar.

Ann had to giggle as she watched him walk away. _what are you doing??!!_ The voice in her head had a hard time making itself heard after the shots. She downed the remains of her beer and looked out at the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> I don't know why I like you, but I do ~ The Wombats


	8. July, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You keep me wanting more"

The smell of coconut tingled in his nose before the full realization about its origin hit him. His eyes flew open to examine his surroundings. He didn‘t have a complete blackout from last night, he knew how they ended up here. After some more shots and embarassing stories, they suddenly had the stupid idea to watch the sequel of a movie that they had seen at the movietheater with Ren back in the days. Of course they hadn‘t made it through without falling asleep. He knew that what they had been doing last night could be seen as flirting. Hell, they ended up talking about their embarassing dreams of each other. Even despite the amount of alcohol he had had, he still knew that it was wrong to go to his room with her to watch a movie, even though nothing had happened. _Seriously, you need to give him a chance. He is so awesome. And he‘s fun and he‘s sweet.._ _And he dresses soooo good_ _…._ A fragment of last nights conversations came back to him. His head turned to his left, where Ann was laying curled up in the big blanket. After she had fallen asleep, Ryuji had tucked her in. He himself was laying on top of the blanket on his side of the bed, trying to create as much distance to her as possible - even if it was just psychological - without having to sleep on the floor. Her hair was a mess and there was the faintest line of drool visible, tracing from the corner of her mouth to the pillow. He imagined his teenage-self telling her that her sleeping face so wasn‘t cute, but even his sometimes stupid teenager-self would have known that it was a lie. Even in this state, she was breathtaking. He quickly turned his head away, reaching for his phone to look at the time. It was 6 in the morning. _I love him so much._ Ryuji felt sick. He should have just left when she appeared at the bar. But he didn‘t, and then he was hooked again. She had someone better sleeping in another room right now, but here she was, sleeping in his bed. _We gotta find someone for you too! And then we can go on a double date!!_ What was he even thinking? He had given in to the charm of the old times. Their old bantering, their endless teasing and that sizzling tension whenever they got too close. He was addicted to it. But the sizzling had gotten dangerous. Ann was now in a relationship. He wasn‘t a homewrecker. And even if he wanted to, there was no chance that Ann would ever settle for someone like him, when there was a man like Josh, who could give her anything she needed and more. But why was she sleeping in his bed then? Had he manipulated her? Was he a bad guy, luring her into her demise because of his twisted desires? She was out of his league. She always had been and always would be. She deserved so much better than him. She wasn‘t that overbearing teenager anymore. They both had grown up while they were apart from each other. And still it felt good to fall into old habits with her. He startled a bit when Anns eyes flew open.

She sat up straight in the blink of an eye. „What time is it?“ she asked, a little panicked. Her face was pale, the peacefulness from before was far gone. She scanned their surrounding, her main focus on the bed. She was clutching the blanket to her chest before relaxing a bit when she realized that they both were dressed. Did she have a black-out?

„We just fell asleep after the movie. It‘s 6.“ Ryuji tried to calm her down.

„Shit, shit, shit...“ Ann cursed before her face turned even paler and she jumped out of the bed to run to the bathroom.

Ryuji sat up, trying to ignore his pounding headache and the muffled sound of Ann retching in the bathroom. He felt bad, but there was nothing he could do to help at the moment beside holding back her hair, but he felt like he had no place being by her side. Her horrified face as she woke up was enough proof for him that this was a drunk mistake for her. After a few minutes, Ann got out of the bathroom again, looking destroyed. She dropped down on the edge of the bed, burrying her face in her hands. Ryuji took a deep breath „You okay?“.

Ann turned around to look at him „I just puked my guts out. Okay is not the right word....“ she chewed her lip before adding „ I should get going. I hope that Josh hasn‘t woken up until now…“ she got up from the bed and gathered her phone and roomkey. „This stays our secret, right?“ she asked as she slipped into her sneakers.

He nodded. This whole conversation felt a lot like they had done something forbidden. They hadn‘t. But they damn well could have. „Promise.“

~

It was only a few hours later that all the wedding guests gathered at the beach. Ryuji was already standing there with Hifumi and Yusuke, covering his eyes with sunglasses for the time being. Ann and Josh were the next to arrive, her blonde hair skillfully swept up and decorated with some glittering hairpins, wearing a light blue, strapless cocktail dress. As they joined the rest, Ryuji stole a glance at Ann. She had done a better job with covering up her hangover, but she still was paler than usual. She looked back at him for a second with a bit of envy for his sunglasses, while she tried to shield her oversensitive eyes with her hand.

„Wearing a suit to the beach truly must be the most impractical thing..“ Yusuke complained quietly as he shuffeled around, fidgeting with his tie.

Besides him, Hifumi was clinging to his arm for support since she had chosen far too high heels that now sank into the sand. „Ann, are you okay?“ Hifumi worried when she saw the color in Anns face coming and going.

„Yeah! Yeah.. Just.. really tired..“ she nervously replied, copying Hifumi and clinging to Joshs arm. Josh smiled at his girlfriend, visibly enjoying being her support. Ryuji wanted to gag and this time not only because of his hangover.

„Guess we‘re both still fighting the jetlag. I slept like a log tonight. Ann went out for a walk before going to bed, I didn‘t even notice her returning…“ Josh explained. Ryuji felt a little lighter, it seemed like Ann didn‘t have to make up a - probably terrible - lie about her whereabouts of the night.

„Whose idea was it to marry on the beach?“ Futaba cursed as she trudged through the sand in her flat sandals, Makoto and Ren walking close behind her.

„I see that we are all equally bad equipped...“ Makoto remarked as she looked at the girls shoes.

„I‘m tempted to take them off...“ Hifumi sighed.

„It‘s not like our shoes aren‘t uncomfortable with all the sand falling in...“ Yusuke remarked, leading to four girls‘ heated objections.

Ren shook his head with a grin „Big mistake Yusuke...“ he eyed Ryuji „You look like shit, man...“ he muttered while everyone else was occupied with the shoe-discussion.

Ryuji sighed „It‘s nothing… Just a migraine or something… Feels like my head explodes if I take the glasses off...“ it was only half a lie. His head did give him a hard time. The excuse of not being able to remove the glasses would also keep the dark circles under his eyes well hidden. Ren was a little sceptic but seemed to go along with it.

„Guys, I think we should look for our seats.“ Makoto anounced after a look at the clock and started to make her way to the set up chairs.

As luck would have it, Ryuji ended up between Ann and Ren. As they were waiting for the ceremony to start, the sun was burning down on them. „Man, I‘m glad that I didn‘t drink more yesterday. Imagine how horrible it must be to sit here with a hangover...“ Ren elbowed Ryuji.

„Yeah...“ Ryuji replied, tempted to flash his best friend the finger. So he had seen through his lie. In the corner of his eye, he saw Ann leaning forward to raise an eyebrow at Ren as well. Ryuji figured that she would have liked to do more, but they both needed to keep their face today.

Josh decided to chime in. „Right? Even I‘m feeling it although I only had the wine for dinner...“. Ann and Ryuji stared dead ahead, working hard to contain the remarks boiling up inside them. Luckily, the ceremony started when Laito took his place in the front.

After an hour of an overload of romance and cheesy lines about love, the bride and groom invited to the reception at the hotels pool terrace for champagne and hors d‘ouvres. The sound of both these things made Ryujis stomach revolt. It also was like returning to the scene of the crime when yesterday he and Ann were sitting on this very terrace, talking about the weirdest things. _I always liked your natural hair color too..._ he needed to stop remembering all this stuff. They had been much too drunk to say anything truth- or meaningful. Or had it been especially truhful because they were drunk? He‘d rather not think too much about it. It didn‘t matter anyway.

„What a beautiful ceremony.“ Hifumi said as their group slowly processed towards the hotel.

„It was a liiiittle cheesy...“ Makoto admitted.

„And still you cried..“ Ren grinned.

„I think I saw a tear running down your cheek too“ Josh teased, his arm around Ann.

„Yeah, but I do that at every wedding.“ Ann replied with a grin. „I just can‘t help it.“ she shrugged.

„I mean… my bosses wedding sure wasn‘t that big of a deal...“ Josh reminisced.

„He did give a cute speech though.“ Ann defended herself.

„Maybe, but I already heard it a few years ago, at his second wedding.“ Josh grinned.

As the rest of the group walked along with them, listening to Josh and Anns trip down memory lane, Futaba nudged Ryuji in the side. „Okay, he sounds like everyones favourite character in a movie.“ she whispered.

Ryuji just nodded, he could see how Futaba thought that. Everything about him just seemed so… polished. Not only his outfit, but his smile, his attitude, everything about him was made to be likeable. His „fun“ stories, the „cute“ memories with Ann, his approach to everyone, immediatly considering them as friends. It looked like he had never experienced anything bad in his entire life. _Lucky him_ , Ryuji thought, realizing how stupid it sounded to dislike someone for having a nice childhood. But the bad memories and being treated horrible by others was what had brought their group together in the first place. Sure, by now they were pretty well adjusted, but still, deep down, everyone had their scars. Was it wrong to assume that Josh didn‘t have any? Maybe he was as fucked up as them, but was better at hiding it? _I never told him anything about Kamoshida and all that crap. I don‘t want him to pity me. And I think it would really_ _mess_ _up his world-view… He acts like there‘s nothing bad…_ _Sometimes, I hate that..But I also admire it…It‘s good to have someone who isn‘t as fucked up as me… Probably.._ _._ What a specific memory of last night. His head was still pounding when they arrived at the terrace, immediatly greeted by waiters handing out champagne flutes and tiny sandwiches. Ryuji was about to politely refuse everything, when Ann pushed a glass into his hand „You know, maybe the alcohol helps with your headache? At least that‘s what I heard.“ she said innocently, clearly insinuating that maybe drinking a little bit would help with both their hangovers.

„Where did you hear that?“ Makoto asked in disbelief.

Ren leaned over to Ryuji „And how does she know about your migraine? The only time you mentioned it was when Ann was busy explaining the pains of wearing open high heels on the beach to Yusuke.“ he muttered.

„To Haru and Laito!“ Ryuji anounced and quickly raised his glass. Thankfully everyone jumped onto it, first of all Ann, who appeared to have caught Rens whispering. Maybe drinking had been the cure, or at least the aditional alcohol helped numb the pain in his throbbing skull. After two flutes of champagne, Ryuji felt a little happier again in general, even though Ann and Josh acted like they were competing for a couples-award beside him. Overall, it seemed like the three couples among them had a lot of fun, while Ryuji and Futaba got to stand at the side, like children at an adult party.

„At least I‘m not the only one getting to stand at the sidelines anymore…“ Futaba sighed as she watched the couples in their element. „Wanna hit the bar?“.

Ryuji was quick to nod, eager to get out of Single-Hell. „Was I like that too?“ he asked as they made their way across the terrace, weaving through the wedding guests.

Futaba tried to remember for a second before shrugging „I don‘t really remember… You never brought your girlfriends along to anything…“ she said when they finally arrived at the outside bar. Ryuji was about to object, but he knew that Futaba was right. Kaiko, his most recent girlfriend, who he‘d been together with for almost one year, only got to know Ren and Makoto and only because they pestered him about it for so long, until he finally gave in. „Come to think of it, why did you never introduce us to any of your girlfriends? I get it, Inari is weird, but are you this embarassed by all of us?“ Futaba asked while waving the barkeeper over to place an order. She had really come a long way.

„You sound like Ren...“ Ryuji sighed after ordering a gin tonic. „You wouldn‘t get it...“.

„Try me.“ Futaba hopped onto one of the free bar chairs while waiting for their drinks.

Did he even get it himself? Why did he never go to any of the dinner parties with his girlfriends? The others sure never missed the chance to ask about her. But something had always held him back fom asking them to come with him. A gut-feeling, that he didn‘t want them in this part of his world, of his life. He sighed at the realization „Guess that‘s just another of my commitment-problems….“ It was almost funny, how connected all his problems were. The bartender placed the two drinks in front of them. He took his glass, eager to find out if this would help him with not having to think about this.

„Oh boohoo. So emo...“ Futaba rolled her eyes as she stirred her Pina Collada.

„See? I told you that you wouldn‘t get it!“ Ryuji replied, annoyed.

Futaba sighed as she hopped of the chair again with her glass in hand „Maybe you don‘t have „Commitment problems“ but just haven‘t found the right person to commit to yet?“ she lectured as she walked past him, heading back to their group, who were standing on the other side of the pool. „Or, in other words: Maybe you haven‘t stolen the right heart yet.“ she raised her eyebrows „Or maybe you‘ve missed the chance to steal the right one.“. She didn‘t wait for a response and disappeared into the crowd.

„What? Hey! Wait!“ Ryuji spluttered. Did she know something? He hurried after her. Had she seen something yesterday? They didn‘t make it a secret by drinking out on the terrace. Might she even have seen how they went to his room together? That would look really bad. He had almost reached Futaba to make her talk, but she was already too close to the others to interrogate her without looking suspicious.

„There you are!“ Ann said as she spotted the two returning. As she noticed the glasses in their hands, she raised her eyebrows „And why didn‘t you get us something too?“.

Ryuji was grateful that Futaba got away with sarcastic remarks without being labeled as jealous or lonely. „You were so annoying with all your couple-cringe that Ryuji and I needed to get away and get more drunk.“

Makoto looked at her like a mother whose child had just sworn for the first time. Ren just chuckled and Ann suddenly looked a little embarassed, shuffling to get away from Joshs arm that was placed around her waist. „I‘ll go. What would you like, babe?“ Josh was quick to volunteer while Futaba turned around for only Ryuji to see to make gagging motions about Josh uses of pet-names. „Anyone else want something?“ Josh asked around the group.

„I will join you. I have to know how your story about the stolen artwork ended.“ Yusuke stepped forward. After taking everyones order, the two men left.

„Futaba, that wasn‘t nice.“ Makoto scolded, causing Futaba to roll her eyes in annoyance.

Like magic and reliable like clockwork, Ryuji and Ann managed to end up standing beside each other once more withouth actively doing anything. „How‘s your head?“ Ann quietly asked.

„Better… How‘s your stomach?“ Ryuji muttered back.

„Empty.“ Ann replied before glancing at his glass „Whatcha got there?“ she asked, clearly insinuating that she wanted a sip.

As if on instinct, Ryuji held his glas away from her, replying „Go get your own.“. It just came naturaly.

„Come on, just let me try! You can have some of mine too!“ Ann tried to argue. When her voice slipped into the classic pitch that she would only get when she was het up, it felt almost like a reward to him.

A smug grin spread on his face as he took a demonstrative sip, topping it off with an overacted „Ahhh.“.

With an unnerved grunt, Ann tried to use the element of surprise as her hands darted forward to get a hold of his glass. Ryuji was quicker though, pulling his hand away and to safety. They both must have known how silly they looked, but at the same time he had no clue why they kept going and why they couldn‘t seem to stop. As Ryuji evaded Anns hands, he thought about how Anns behaviour had changed as soon as Josh was gone. Before his heart got the chance to flutter at the thought that Ann might not be this happy with her current relationship, her words from yesterday rang in his head again on how much she loved Josh. While trying to dodge Anns hands, he had absentmindedly taken a few steps back and forth, always having in mind that he got the edge of the pool at his back. Ann however seemed a little too invested in their antics when she took a step too far and stepped into the pool. All Ryuji heard was a short gasp before the chaos unfolded as Ann tried to cling to his free arm for balance, but ended up pulling him down with her. Only miliseconds after hearing the splash caused by Ann falling into the pool, he found himself surrounded by cool water. They both made it back up to the surface at the same time, both a little disoriented while they rubbed the water out of their eyes. After looking into the shocked faces of their friends, Ryuji held up the glass, that was now filled with pool water. In the heat of the moment, he had held onto it tightly. „Still want a sip?“ Ryuji offered her the glass. With a laugh, Ann smacked his hand away before pushing a strand of hair out of her face, that had become loose in her dive. As they took their eyes off each other, they realized that not only their friends were staring, but also half of the wedding guests. In silent agreement, they moved to the edge of the pool. After Ryuji pushed himself up and out, he reached down to offer Ann a hand. He singlehandedly pulled her up, when he heard a voice from beside him.

„Ann? What happened?“ it was Josh, his voice full of worry. Feeling caught, Ryuji almost let go of Anns hand again.

After helping her out, Ann wrung out her dress before adressing Josh „Don‘t worry, everything‘s fine.“.

„Are you sure? How did that happen?“ Josh sounded worried, looking her up and down as if he wanted to check if she was hurt. Ryuji gulped. If she told Josh that he had something to do with their dive, would he freak out? Why was he so overreacting anyway? They just went for an involuntary swim. 5 years ago, Ann, armed with a whip, had helped defeat a god. Why was he handling her like a porcelain doll?

„Oh, I was just clumsy and took a wrong step. Ryuji tried to help me, but I pulled him in too...“ Ann put on a forced smile that made Ryuji fear that Josh would call her out on her BS any second now.

But he didn‘t. He just smiled and said „That does sound like you...“.

„You should probably go and get changed….“ Makoto was in full-on mother-mode today. But she was right.

As the two blondes were entering the hotel, Ann decided to get rid of her shoes and to walk to the elevators barefoot. As a dripping-wet Ryuji and Ann stood in the lobby to wait for an elevator, she started to pull out the hairpins, causing her blonde hair to flow down her shoulders strand by strand. Ryuji tried hard to look anywhere else, but he couldn‘t help but watch those blonde curls flow down her shoulders. As the elevator doors opened, they were greeted by a look in the mirror. Ann chuckled before stepping in, hitting both hers and then his floor number.

There was a brief silence when the elevator doors rolled close before she turned to him, asking „What are we doing? Why are we acting so strange?“ it both sounded helpless and playful. „Or do I have to take another shot for that answer?“.

Ryuji turned to face her as well, only then realizing how close they were standing to each other. „I dunno...“ he thought about it for a second before adding „Seems like we just can‘t help it...“. Every ounce of propriety in his body yelled at him to stop when he reached out to gently move a strand of hair out of her face. Unconsciously, their heads moved even closer. Ryuji could almost feel her soft lips on his when the elevator stopped with a deafening DING!, ripping them out of their trance. As if woken up from hypnosis, Ann looked at him in shock before quickly leaving the elevator, almost running down the hallway. When the door closed again, Ryuji couldn‘t help but let out an annoyed „Fuuuck!“, his fists balled. What was he doing? Annoyed, he stepped out of the elevator on his floor, heading to his room to get changed. Since he didn‘t even own a second change of dress-pants, he was forced to put on a pair of jeans with the button-down shirt that he had worn yesterday. When he stepped onto the elevator again, he passed Anns floor without a stop. Ann probably wasn‘t ready yet. And maybe that was for the better. Ryuji cursed himself for letting it go too far again. Last night, they had done nothing wrong, but probably only in their eyes. The truth was, that Ann didn‘t return to her boyfriend that night, but stayed at his room instead. That fact alone cast a pretty bad light on both of them, and they knew it, hence the guilty conscience that they both had had in the morning. As they were standing by the pool, bantering about something stupid, like in the old days, Ryuji had been glad that they were able to drop the awkwardness that they had held during the ceremony. But maybe the awkwardness was what they needed to not end up in a situation like they just had on the elevator.

As he stepped off the elevator in the lobby, he saw that the pool-terrace was empty now. As he walked around the ground floor, he came across the others in the game-room. Ren, Josh and Makoto were playing a round of darts while the others were sitting on one of the inviting corner-benches. Ann wasn‘t here yet when Ryuji dropped down beside Futaba, Hifumi and Yusuke. It took half an hour for her to return. She had put on her casual dress from yesterday and she had blow-dried her hair before tying it up into her iconic twin-tails. While she looked radiant, there was a little unease in her eyes. And had she been crying? Ryuji wasn‘t sure if he saw a little red in her eyes.

„There you are.“ Josh put down his darts to walk over to her to greet her with a smile and a kiss, pulling her towards him with his arm around her waist.

To the untrained eye, it actually seemed like she was happy and didn‘t have a bad conscience that she was battling with on the inside, when she gave him a smile before returning his kiss „Sorry for keeping you waiting so long..“.

„Oh, I played Darts with Ren and Makoto. Makotos aim is insane!“ Josh excitedly told her as he walked over to the board with her in his arm. Ryuji watched the whole situation. So far, he had thought that Josh was an egotistic jerk who loved parading his beautiful model girlfriend around, showing off how great he had it in life. Maybe he wasn‘t like that. Maybe he was just as proud as he himself would have been, if someone as beautiful and kind as Ann Takamaki chose him over anyone else. Maybe he just wanted what Josh had, starting with the girl in his arm. Or maybe only the girl in his arm. He felt like punching something.

When the time for dinner arrived, the group moved to the big ballroom. After course over course of excquisite dishes, Haru and Laito opened the dancefloor with their first dance as a married couple. Like the ceremony, the speeches and everything else so far, it was incredibly cute and romantic. As far as he could see in the dark, both Makoto and Hifumi were shedding a few tears. Ren held his girlfriend in his arms, slightly amused by her emotional reaction. Yusuke on the other hand, seemed kind of indifferent about Hifumis outbreak, awkwardly patting her arm. After a big round of applause, the music picked up and more and more people filled the dancefloor to dance with the newly-weds. With a lot of persuasion, Ren, Makoto and Ann got everyone to dance, including a rather reluctant Ryuji. He wasn‘t in the mood for a party, but since Ann and Josh were mostly concentrated on themselves, he started to relax a little as he stood in a circle with the rest. His relaxation went out the window when the first slow song started playing and everyone started to couple up around him. Ryuji was about to make his way past Ann and Josh to leave the dancefloor when he noticed that Haru appeared, tapping Josh on the shoulder „May I steal him for a dance?“ she asked sweetly.

Josh and Ann shared a look before he shrugged with a grin „Can‘t deny the bride...“ he said, giving Ann a quick kiss before suddenly turning around to Ryuji „Take care of this one for me, will you?“ he pointed at Ann over his shoulder.

Both Ryuji and Ann were grateful for the lighting that hid how pale they suddenly both turned. „Who‘s Laito going to dance with?“ Ann hastily asked Haru, only to see Futaba dance past them with the groom a moment after.

„I think he‘s been taken.“ Haru giggled.

Josh grinned as he pushed Ann a little towards Ryuji „It‘s just one dance. Go on, have fun!“ he said before galantly taking Harus hand to lead her a little further in.

There was an embarassing silence and helplessness as they stood in front of each other, not knowing what to do. To his surprise, Ann finally sighed before reaching for his hand and placing her left hand on his shoulder. A little perplex, Ryuji carefully placed his right hand a little above her waist as to not give off any vibe of intimacy. As they started swaying together, Ann softly said „We used to dance like this at my farewell-party...“. She was right. At one point, Shiho had put on one of those romantic songs that played during this prom-scene in one of those cheesy american teen-romances. As luck would have it, it had been those two that ended up dancing together to a song that was about falling in love with your friend. As he found out from Ann, that whole movie was about two best friends who found out they were in love with each other after both of them had gotten into relationships with someone else. _Their one true Love was right under their noses all along!_ _Isn‘t that the cutest love story ever? Shiho and I love that movie. I think we‘re watching it at least twice every year._ She had gushed as they were slow-dancing in the dim room. _And then the moment when they realize it! I have to cry every time._ Her face had suddenly turned dark _I wonder if Shiho and I will still get to watch it like we used to,_ _now that I‘m leaving_ _…_ she had looked hurt when she unconsciously squeezed Ryujis shoulder. _I‘m sure you will._ Ryuji had tried to cheer her up. _Yeah… you‘re right. I‘ll make it_ _work_ _. It‘s not like I‘m on the other end of the world._ Ann sounded determined before her expression turned soft again _Thanks._ She had smiled before making a step towards him to put her chin on top of his shoulder.

„I saw that movie last year...“ Ryuji confessed. He wasn‘t sure wether he should adress their incident in the elevator. He wanted to apologize to her, if she felt pressured by anything he had done. Had he forced himself upon her? But then… she had also leaned in. He decided to let it rest since she didn‘t seem to bring it up either.

A grin spread on her face „You did? How did Ryuji Sakamoto end up in a cheesy chick-flick?“.

He felt how the hand on his shoulder started to relax a little. „There was this girl..“ Ryuji replied.

She seemed to check her timeline before saying „You did that for Kaiko? That‘s pretty committed, I‘d say...“.

„That‘s not how she saw it… Seems like occassionally watching the movie she wanted isn‘t enough in the long run...“ he started to feel a little down, like everytime he was reminded of the wrongs he had done in his life.

Ann closed the distance between them a little bit. „Maybe she just wasn‘t the right one for you…. You‘re a good guy, Ryuji. You‘ll find someone.“ Was he imagining things or was she looking a little sad when she said the last words? Ryui managed a small smile and a nod. This conversation left a bitter taste in his mouth.

There was a long silence before Ann attempted to change the subject „Makoto sure shed a lot of tears today.“ she grinned.

„As if you weren't crying during the speeches.“ Ryuji teased.

She gasped in fake outrage before agreeing with him „Yeah.. I‘m a wuss… and a sucker for rom-coms.“ she shrugged.

Ryuji suddenly saw how this weekend was one big rom-com-trope. Beautiful girl returns to her hometown with the perfect boyfriend only to run into her high-school crush and have her feelings messed up. If he ever even was something like a crush for her.

It was scary how alike they were thinking from time to time when Ann suddenly said „This whole weekend would make a great movie...“.

„How so?“ Ryuji innocently tested.

„You know, like one of those flicks about a group of high-school-friends who each started their own lifes to then see each other again after years because of a huge event.“.

„Maybe you‘re right… Although, most of us have just seen each other last week when we had dinner at Rens and Makotos place...“ Ryuji recalled. When he saw the hurt in Anns face, he immediatly realized how he put his foot in his mouth again. Of course it was at this moment that the song stopped. As if being freed, Ann immediatly took a step back. She gave him a curt nod before turning on her heels and hastily walking out. „Dammit.“ he cursed under his breath before weighing his options. If he kept standing there, what would he tell Josh if he came looking for her? But what was he about to do? Run after her? That seemed like such a boyfriend-thing to do. And that was Josh… While his brain was still pondering about his possibilities, his feet carried him out the ballroom on their own. Where should he even start looking? What if she just ran to her room? He certainly couldn‘t show up there. As he was walking along the hallway with the glas-front viewing the pool terrace, he noticed a pair of high heels standing at the stairs that lead to the beach. _It‘s so beautiful…. I really missed the beach…_ he recalled her saying yesterday. Without thinking of what to say or do when he actually found her, he stepped outside and slipped out of his sneakers before padding across the cool sand.

She was seated on one of the benches that were hidden from view, put up against the wall of the plateau that was the hotels terrace. „Hey..“ Ryuji carefully said as he walked up to the bench.

Ann looked at him with sad eyes before quietly saying „You should go in again. You belong there more than I do...“.

„Eff that. You‘re as much a part of the group as I am.“ Ryuji answered, a little more resolute than he intended.

„I‘m not, don‘t you see? You‘re right, the only one who‘s fulfilling the rom-com trope here is me. I‘m the only one who hasn‘t been here in years. I lost my place in this group.“ Ann said.

„Oh yeah? And why do you think that? Is it really because you weren‘t welcomed back with open arms? Or is it because you don‘t feel like you deserve it?“ Ryuji asked before adding „Quit bringing yourself down. Noones mad at you for following your dream. And you shouldn‘t be either.“

Ann looked up at him before meekly saying „But I missed out on so many things here...“.

Ryuji sighed as he sat down beside her „So? None of us know EVERYTHING about the others lifes. And you‘re here now. And you‘ll be here for other special occassions.“.

Ann cast a sideways glance at him before sighing „Ever since I returned, I keep wondering how things would have turned out, if I hadn‘t left.“.

Ryuji looked out onto the open water, thinking about a response before eventually saying „Doesn‘t that make it worse? Thinking about the what-ifs over and over will just make it hurt more, believe me. What‘s done is done.“ he spoke from experience. The first months after Anns departure, he had re-lived the same scene over and over again, pondering wether he should have followed her to the airport, asked her to stay, told her he loved her. But in the end, he would have only brought her down. But no matter what he imagined he could have done, ultimately, Ann was still gone. She was meant to be a model, famous and popular, while he was a troublemaker with a bad hair-dye. Even if she had wanted to be with him, he wasn‘t someone to be proud of. It took a few painful months to learn to forget and he still wasn‘t able to do it every time, when the memories tried to resurface. What would have happened if she hadn‘t left? Would he be the one she shared a room with this weekend? Or would she have ended up hating him for convincing him to stay instead of following that huge chance?

„I guess you‘re right...“ Ann sighed „Sorry, for storming out like that. That was a little overdramatic...“. Ryuji playfully jabbed her in the shoulder instead of a response, trying to tell her that she shouldn‘t worry about it. „We should probably go back in...“ she said before reluctantly getting up. They were about to round the corner and come into the field of view of the hotels windowfront when Ann suddenly stopped. „Ryuji?“ she softly said, causing him to turn around to look at her. „Thanks“ she had a small smile on her face when she reached for his hand to give it a light squeeze before she let go and started to walk again.

Back inside, the party was still going on. Ryuji decided to fall back a few steps before entering the ballroom, so it didn‘t look like he returned with Ann. As soon as they hit the public again, they fell into their old roles. Ann walked back to Josh, dancing with him while Ryuji sat down at the table where Hifumi and Makoto were taking a break.

„There you are! We were wondering were you and Ann took off to...“ Hifumi said.

„I had to get something from my room. Dunno what Ann did..“ Ryuji was quick to lie.

Makoto looked a little sceptic before saying „I think Josh didn‘t even get the time to worry too much… Haru demanded a lot of dancing from him...“. While his face remained blank, his insides tensed up. Did Makoto see something? Was she starting to get suspicious? Did she think she needed to assure him that their secret was safe from Josh?

„He must be a pretty good dancer...“ Hifumi giggled before they all looked at the dancefloor again, where Ann and Josh had their arms wrapped around each other, Anns head against his chest, swaying to the music together. When her eyes met Ryujis, a small smile appeared on her face. He quickly looked away when he caught himself starting to wonder about the what-ifs again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter  
> Ice Cream ~ The Wombats


	9. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is this the life you've been waiting for?"

**Ann:** I just had the grossest Curry ever!

Ann was sitting on their couch at home. Josh was on a night-out with his friends, so he wouldn‘t be home until late at night. She had tried to stay busy for several hours now, talking with her parents, going for coffee with some friends and still, she was home by 8 pm with take-out curry that turned out to taste horrible. Staying occupied with something had gotten more and more necessary over the last few months, but ever since they returned from Harus wedding, having something to do or someone to talk to had become crucial. For when she was alone and got the time to think, she started to doubt. She started to remember. When she had woken up in Ryujis hotel room the day of the wedding, she had had a blackout and couldn‘t remember anything after Ryuji had taken off to get the second round of shots. Back then, she had thought that this was the worst that could have happened, but about a week later, she started to remember fragment after fragment and that was even worse than not remembering. She had really bared it all to him – verbally of course. And the more she remembered, the more she wondered if he remembered too? She had told him some pretty embarassing stuff, one of them the dirty dream she had had about him. If he remembered, how did he act this normal towards her the next day? And still - while her stomach was in knots everytime his smug but still kind of cute grin appeared in front of her inner eye - now that she was alone at home with nothing to do, the first one she wanted to text about the gross curry she just had was Ryuji. She wasn‘t even sure, when he would reply. Here, it was friday evening when in Tokyo it was saturday morning. Maybe he would be sleeping in… _Seems like we just can‘t help it...…_ Besides their drunk confessions, their moment in the elevator was still gnawing at her too. As she had ran to her room, she was horrified when she had to admit to herself that she would have kissed him if the door hadn‘t opened at that moment. The way he had stroked her hair back, how the air had sizzled between them as they got closer and closer, how she had wanted to feel his lips on hers one more time after missing them for so long. Because she had missed them. She would have been ready to return downstairs far earlier, hadn‘t she broken down crying as soon as the door of her room fell close. She had been confused and scared of losing control, if this situation would ever occur again. Because once this happened, there was no turning back, no excuse to be made and no explanation that wouldn‘t hurt Josh if he found out. Ann almost jumped when her phone buzzed.

 **Ryuji:** Nothing like Leblanc… ;)

Ann couldn‘t help but smile before hating herself for it. Her heart shouldn‘t be fluttering when texting with him. She could have left it with that and leave this conversation be. But she didn‘t.

 **Ann:** Totally… How are you up so early?

She remembered waking up besides him and that short second before she realized that Josh was sleeping in another room. It felt somewhat like home. But it shouldn‘t have. In general, she shouldn‘t even be thinking so much about this. And him. And how they sat on the beach, talking about what-ifs. _What‘s done is done._ Maybe she should leave it at that too. Maybe they had missed their chance of getting together 4 years ago. Or had she thrown it away? It was her who left all along. _What‘s done is done._ They could still be friends, maybe they just needed to avoid situations like the elevator. She nodded, as if to encourage herself. Her phone buzzed once more, but this time, she didn‘t feel so conflicted anymore.

 **Ryuji:** Gotta work… What about you?

 **Ann:** Sitting at home, being bored…

 **Ryuji:** Sounds lame. No red carpet tonight?

 **Ann:** You don‘t think I go to a red carpet every week, right?

 **Ryuji:** How should I know what it‘s like to be famous? Isn‘t there always a party going on somewhere?

 **Ann:** Probably. But I‘m not invited to those.

 **Ryuji:** You‘ve been too complicated again, huh?

It was a low jab at something that had happened sometime in middle school, where one of the girls had told her straight to her face that she hadn‘t invited Ann to her birthday party because it would have been „too complicated“. Of course Ann knew that that was just code for „I don‘t want you there.“ At first, she had been hurt. Then Ryuji had come along and actually managed to cheer her up again. She couldn‘t remember what he had done, but it must have been something incredibly silly. After her mood had brightened up a bit, she had told him about the „complicated“-excuse. Of course Ryuji had been rolling with laughter. She had no idea why, but as she watched Ryuji wheezing about how funny it was that someone had called her „complicated“, she had eventually found herself giggling about it too. Making her laugh about the unfunniest things was just one of the things that only Ryuji Sakamoto was able to do.

 **Ann:** Like you‘re one to talk!!! What‘s the last party you‘ve ever been invited to?

 **Ryuji:** Oops, gotta go, there‘s a customer.

 **Ann:** Hey, get back here!!

Ann couldn‘t contain a giggle as she set her phone away. When it buzzed once more, she thought that Ryuji came back for Round 2 but it turned out to be a text from Beatrice.

 **Beatrice:** Maaaakiiiii, get your ass over here! You‘ll never guess who‘s here! Serious A-list celebs!!! Put on your dancing shoes!!!!

Ann looked at the clock before starting to type her response. While writing, her phone buzzed once more, this time with a message from Ryuji with a picture attached. When she tapped on the picture, she shook her head with a faint smile as she saw a photo of an empty space in one of the shops show cases with Ryujis finger pointing at it. The text underneath it read:

 **Ryuji:** Guess who just sold one of the most expensive models of the shop!

She rolled her eyes while responding. **Ann:** Not bad. I thought you just wanted to dodge the argument.

 **Ryuji:** Shuddup.

She pondered a moment before typing. **Ann:** Does Iwai still sell whips?

While waiting for his answer, she finished her answer to Beatrice. **Ann:** I don‘t really feel like it… Take some pictures for me though!!

Her friends response was immediate. **Beatrice:** Boooooring!!! No pics for you.

Ann rolled her eyes. She could have just gone to the party, there wasn‘t really anything holding her back. But when she weighed her options, sitting at home and texting with Ryuji seemed more appealing than going out partying. _Am I getting old?_ Ann wondered before deciding that she didn‘t care and got comfortable on the couch. She caught herself waiting excitedly for Ryuji to answer. While deep down she knew that she shouldn‘t be this excited. She still gave into it, telling herself that she was alone at home and noone would ever know. _Once… I accidentally called one of my girlfriends by your name…at a very inconvenient moment..._ she suddenly remembered Ryuji saying. She tried to shake the memory away while her cheeks started to glow. _Stop, stop, stop._ When her phone buzzed once more, she felt almost relieved.

 **Ryuji:** A few.. Guess they didn‘t sell so good.

 **Ann:** That‘s a shame. I loved that training whip. I was so sad when it broke that one day in Mementos….

She turned on the TV to watch some american casting show.

About an hour later, she heard the door open for Josh to walk in. „Hey! You‘re back early. I thought you had a guys night?“ she smiled as she got up to greet him.

„I did.. But I‘m really tired so I called it a day early. I just wanna hang out on the couch a bit before going to bed..“ Josh sounded tired as he took off his shoes. He gave her a quick kiss before walking into the living room. „Did you have curry?“ he asked before he plopped down onto the sofa.

„Yeah, I went to that place down the street. But it was terrible...“ Ann said as she sat down beside him.

„You mean that one near the park? That one‘s amazing.“ Josh said.

„You can‘t be serious! It was so… watery! You have to try Sojiros when we visit Tokyo again. You‘ll never want to eat anything else ever again!!“ Ann debated.

„Okay, okay. You‘re really raising my expectations for this Sojiros Curry.“ Josh sighed before closing his eyes.

„And you won‘t be disappointed. And you have to try the coffee too. And Haru has a super cute cafe with the best desserts.“ Ann started to list up before her phone buzzed beside her.

„Then we should go back there soon. Besides, I wanna see where you grew up and where you went to school….“ Josh grinned.

Ann herself actually had no wish to ever see Shujin again. The third year was probably the most normal of it all, but this place would always be associated with Kamoshida creeping up on her, making some disgusting remarks about her body. But Josh knew nothing about that. In his world, high school was super fun and full of teenage pranks and parties. It was both admirable and annoying to see how someone could have such a perfectly protected childhood. Ann smiled back at him before sliding over to the other side of the sofa to check her phone. Ryuji had sent another photo, this time of a whip that was the exact same model as the one she first had when she was Panther. She had to smile before answering

 **Ann:** I‘d love to see that in action one more time…

It took a few minutes before he answered with another photo. When she opened it, she couldn‘t help but burst out laughing when she saw Ryuji holding the whip, attempting to pull off her usual battle stance.

„What‘s so funny?“ Josh asked from the other side of the couch.

Ann tried to hide her flushed cheeks before quickly adding „Oh, nothing.. Beatrice is just texting me… She seems to be on a pretty bad date...“. Luckily her convincing worked and Josh focused on the TV again while Ann couldn‘t take her eyes off of the photo of Ryuji, holding up her whip. She had to try hard to contain her giggling as she typed her response.

 **Ann:** OMG! Nice posing!

 **Ryuji:** Ya think I should start modeling?

 **Ann:** Haha, definitly. I‘m afraid that there aren‘t a lot of photo-shoots with whips though… Believe me, I checked.

 **Ryuji:** I guess those shootings would also require a latex-suit…

 **Ann:** Normally, I would call you a perv, but you‘re right… I‘m just going to not ask how you know…

 **Ryuji:** Dude, that was your effing Metaverse-Outfit!

 **Ann:** I know. And I rocked it.

 **Ryuji:** Is there an answer I can give that you won‘t call rude or pervy?

 **Ann:** Probably not…

She looked up when Josh stood up from the couch. „I‘m gonna go to bed… Are you coming too?“. Her phone buzzed once more.

 **Ryuji:** It was kinda your idea to have that outfit…

Ann quickly scanned the message before looking up at Josh again „I‘ll stay up for a little longer.. I wanna know when Beatrice is home safe...“ she lied. Josh gave her a tired smile and nodded before walking over to plant a kiss on her forehead. When he disappeared into the bedroom, Ann started typing an answer.

 **Ann:** No!? I mean.. technically… but still! It‘s not like I got asked if I wanted to run around in a tight, red latex-suit with a cat-tail!

 **Ryuji:** You ended up liking it. Just admit it.

 **Ann:** Fine… It took some getting used to.. but I ended up liking it.

She chewed her lip before typing a second message.

 **Ann:** I liked your outfit too.

 **Ryuji:** And why am I not allowed to say that to you without being called a perv?

She grinned. **Ann:** I don‘t know… It just feels weird when you say it. Nothing personal ;)

 **Ryuji:** How is that not personal?

Ann grinned as she watched Ryuji typing a second message.

 **Ryuji:** Screw it, I‘m gonna go get some lunch.

 **Ann:** Oooh, whatcha gonna get???

 **Ryuji:** I dunno… Maybe I‘ll go to Big Bang Burger.

 **Ann:** Ugh, jealous. Take me with you!!!

 **Ryuji:** Isn‘t it like… super late for you now?

 **Ann:** It‘s not that late. Come one, let‘s go to BBB!

 **Ryuji:** You mean I go to BBB. Having to carry you there sounds like something a complicated person would demand… ;P

 **Ann** : Ugh, shut up and go!

 **Ryuji:** Fiiine. I‘ll text you when I‘m there.

She was giggling like a little child when she impatiently stared at her phone, waiting for a new message from him. _The first date I ever had was at a Big Bang Burger… I had no effing idea where else to go…_ Ann almost dropped her phone. Was this somehow like a date? She went to lunch with another guy, even if it just was over text. On the other hand, maybe this was the only way they could do anything with only the two of them without this romantic tension between them. _Thinking about the what-ifs over and over will just make it hurt more, believe me._ And still she found herself slightly jealous of whoever the girl was that got to be Ryujis first date. She would have loved to make fun of him for taking her to Big Bang Burger for a romantic dinner. But she also knew that she would have enjoyed herself, no matter where he would have taken her. She jumped when her phone buzzed with another photo from Ryuji. It was his tray, showing a huge burger with big fries and a soda.

 **Ann:** That looks sooo good! All I had today was this disgusting Curry…

 **Ryuji:** Too bad you won‘t be able to taste it.

Another photo came in, this time a selfie of Ryuji biting into his burger.

 **Ann:** Oh Skull.. you still have no table manners....

 **Ryuji:** You sound like Morgana. And still you insisted on joining me.

 **Ann:** Because I missed BBB, I didn‘t come here to watch your sloppy eating!

 **Ryuji:** Well now you get both. Oh, I know! Shall I send you a vid of me chewing with my mouth open?

 **Ann:** NO! Pls, stop!

Ann laid on her back, laughing so hard her stomach started to hurt. It was so stupid to laugh about his childish humour. It was so stupid to feel butterflies because he was texting with her while he was having lunch. All of this was stupid. And it didn‘t matter.

 **Ryuji:** Nah, we‘re not teenagers anymore.. I would like to think that I changed over the last years.

 **Ann:** You did. And I think I did too. I guess we both grew up.

 **Ryuji:** Yeah. Isn‘t it strange how we start to act completely different when we‘re around each other again?

Ann swallowed. Did he only mean their usual bickering that had ended up in the pool, or was he also talking about the elevator?

 **Ryuji:** Whoah, that turned dark fast. Gotta get back to work now. You wanna get some dessert or are you good? ;)

Her cheeks started to heat up again. **Ann:** I‘m good. Thanks :)

She remembered Ryujis words again, how thinking about the what-ifs only made it worse, and still she couldn‘t help but imagine a scenario where she met up with him for lunch, him during his break at the shop and her inbetween appointments. When she went so far as to imagine them kissing good-bye, she quickly shoved those thoughts away again. She shouldn‘t imagine anything with him. It was too late, fate had lead them away from each other. But it had also brought them back together again. At this moment, Ann wished that she still had his hoodie. She also wished that she could lay beside him once more, but she deliberately tried to ignore that desire. _I still feel bad for hurting all my exes._ _It was me who fucked up every time_ _. I thought I would eventually fall in love, but I didn‘t. It really sucked having to admit that to myself and to them…_ She wondered if she had hugged him after he had told her this on the terrace. She wondered what kind of girls his exes were, but as she had heard, none of the Phantom Thieves had actually gotten to know them very well. Makoto had told her once, that they had met Kaiko and that she was a very nice girl. Because apparently that was Ryujis type... In third grade of high school, Ryuji had told her in a game of truth or dare that he used to think of her as overbearing and annoying. When he had told her, she couldn‘t tell if he still felt like this, but it had made her realize that his dream girl was someone who wasn‘t like her. He probably wanted someone he could protect, someone nice and sweet and not loud, obnoxious and headstrong like her. Her fingers started typing on their own.

 **Ann** : Do you still think I‘m overbearing and annoying?

She chewed her lip. When she looked at the clock, it was midnight. It took another 10 minutes for Ryuji to finally respond.

 **Ryuji:** You still remember that? Of course you‘re annoying. But I‘m annoying too. We‘ve both been far too loud and bright-haired for japanese culture and you seriously ask me, if I think you‘re overbearing after ordering me to take you to Big Bang Burger with me? But you know how I mean it, when I say stuff like that. Also… besides Ren, I always felt like you‘re the only one who‘s able to take all my bullshit and actually handle it instead of just ignoring or looking down on me.

Anns heart was beating so fast, she almost started to feel sick. Where was this coming from?

 **Ann:** That.. was actually really sweet…

 **Ryuji:** Turns out it‘s kinda hard to find someone like that..

She forced herself to not think about the possible implications of his last message. _I‘ve never really brought up the guts to ask a girl out before… ya know… our thing… Maybe because I was a coward. Maybe because I thought that we would figure out this Will-They-Won‘t-They stuff one day. But maybe what happened after you_ _r_ _party was all there was supposed be. Because look at us now. You‘re successful, you‘re happy with Josh, you got it all and I… would have never been able to give you any of that._ Ann clutched her head. Remembering all of this wasn‘t as physically painful as awakening to her Persona had been, but it certainly felt like something inside of her was torturing her by making her brain recall everything that Ryuji had said. Ann was staring holes into the ceiling, trying to keep the tears that threatened to break out in her eyes. Her phone buzzed once more.

 **Ryuji:** But seriously, I‘m almost done with my shift, what are ya still doing here? It must be super late for you! You‘ll get wrinkled if you don‘t sleep enough.

Ann wiped away a single tear that rolled down her cheek before looking at the clock. It was 2 in the morning. Why was she still up indeed? Because again she preferred the company of Ryuji – even just over text – over going to sleep besides her boyfriend. Why did she choose torturing herself by being reminded of what she had left behind? And how did it feel so bad and so good at the same time? She suddenly recalled something that she had said on the terrace. _Sometimes I feel that I don‘t really belong into this new life. I mean, I l_ _ove_ _modeling, but everything around me just feels so.. wrong.._ _like it was meant for somebody else.._ Deep down, she did think that. In the beginning, she had brushed it off as normal under the circumstances of her just moving here without knowing anyone and it had really gotten better after meeting Josh, but since she returned to Tokyo in spring, she felt like she was reminded of who she really was, and who her real family was. She started to realize, that she had donned a new mask, when she moved here. And now here she was, living the life that she thought she had always wanted and thought she should have. The cute boyfriend, the designer apartment, friends that went to parties with her. And now she started to think that this life might have been what she thought she wanted, but it wasn‘t what she truly needed. But she had sworn to herself to never tell anyone. Had she really told Ryuji during their heart-to-heart? On the other hand, she had told him far more embarassing things too, so that little uncomfortable fact probably wasn‘t that much of a big deal to him, if he even remembered. She looked at the screen of her phone again.

 **Ann:** I dunno… Guess I just felt like hanging out. I had a lot of fun. Thanks.

 **Ryuji:** Hey, I‘m not complaining. It was fun.

 **Ann:** Good night, Ryuji.

 **Ryuji:** Night.

Ann locked her phone and put it on the coffee-table before sliding down on the couch so she was laying on her back, facing the ceiling. _What am I doing?_ She asked herself while clutching a pillow to her chest. Nothing had happened, they just had an innocent chat. But it had meant so much more to her. She could tell anyone that they were just friends, but she would know that that‘s a lie. There was more. There had always been more. Maybe, she had subconsciously postponed her visit because she was afraid of this exact scenario. Maybe she had always known that as soon as Ryuji was in the equation, she would be tempted. _I‘m a horrible person…_ Ann thought to herself. The thought of going to bed with Josh felt wrong all of a sudden. She had sort-of ditched him when she continued texting with Ryuji instead of going to bed with him. Sleeping was off the table for her anyway, she was far too confused by her guilty brain, the butterflies in her stomach and her heart, that was somehow caught in the middle feeling both. Greatful to be in her comfortable clothes already, Ann turned to her side to zap through the TV, looking for something to fall asleep to. A bitter laugh almost escaped her when she stumbled on a rerun of her and Shihos favourite movie. Only now it also reminded her of Ryuji and of how he had told her that he had watched it with his ex. Telling him that he would find someone while dancing with him had been hard for her, especially when there was this little part in her heart that wanted to be that someone, but it had felt like the right thing to say in the moment without compromising her own confused feelings. While saying it, she just hoped that she was convincing enough and that he didn‘t notice the conflict inside of her. But she couldn‘t be sure. Her friends have always been able to tell when she was lying. Ann took her phone once more to snap a photo of the TV-screen to send to Shiho.

 **Ann:** Can‘t sleep, but guess what‘s on TV? :)

She didn‘t expect an immediate response. Shiho wasn‘t as glued to her phone as most other people were. With the pillow clutched to her stomach and huddled into a blanket, she eventually fell asleep to the movie, that she knew the lines of by heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Ask Yourself ~ Foster the People


	10. September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shouldn't have stood that close to the fire"

_They were standing on the beach again, about to walk back to the wedding, when she leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. It wasn‘t a quick kiss, but she lingered close to him for a few more moments and before Ryujis brain could work against it, his arms were around her, holding her against him. Her hands found their place on his chest as they stood there, their foreheads touching. It felt surreal, it felt like the world had stopped moving around them. He never wanted to let go again, but he also knew that what they did was wrong. She wasn‘t supposed to be in his arms, she was supposed to be with Josh. But the closer she was, the more tempted he got and before he realized it, his lips were on hers. Careful and soft at first before turning desperate and wanting when Anns hand wandered up his neck to weave her fingers through his hair, that had been blonde the last time she had done that. When their lips parted, they remained standing in a tight embrace, their foreheads leaning against each other. „I can‘t do this… You have to stop...“ she whispered, her voice shaky. „I can‘t. I can‘t let you go again.“ he whispered back. Her voice suddenly turned shrill and panicked when she pulled back, trying to break free from his embrace „You have to! What can you give me? I can‘t throw my life away with you!“_

Ryujis eyes flew open to find himself in his apartment, staring at the ceiling. It took a few moments to process that this had been another dream before he turned around to press his face into his pillow to let out a distressed grunt. It wasn‘t the first dream of this kind, in fact, they had gotten more and more over the last weeks. Sometimes, he dreamed about their moment in the elevator and sometimes he dreamed about them dancing but no matter where, it always ended with him not wanting to let her go and her telling him that she could do better. And right she was. He was a high-school graduate with no other qualifications and an almost empty wallet and she was a model with a fancy apartment on another continent. Ann and he were texting regularly since the last month. It was like a drug. It destroyed him while also being the most enjoyable thing of his days. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before swinging his legs out of bed. After getting back from his shower, he noticed a text message. Since it was far too early for Ann to text him, he guessed that it was Ren, who must be on his way to work by now.

 **Ren:** So, Josh is in town and wants to hang out tonight. You up?

Ryuji furrowed his brow. **Ryuji:** He and Ann are here?

 **Ren:** Just him. He said it‘s a secret. Apparently Ann thinks he‘s on a business trip?

 **Ryuji:** wtf…

 **Ren:** That‘s all I know. Guess you gotta ask him if you want to know more…

 **Ryuji:** Nah, thanks. I‘m good.

 **Ren:** We‘re meeting at the diner. Come over when you‘re done with work.

 **Ryuji:** But I don‘t wanna.

 **Ren:** Grow a pair and come. He asked all of us to be there.

 **Ryuji:** Maaaan....

He sighed as he tossed his phone onto his bed. He had no desire to socialize with Josh. He already had a feeling that he was a far too good and kind person to hate. Besides, he was kinda texting with his girlfriend. A lot. He wondered if Josh knew. Not that they were texting anything bad, but still, it felt like something he shouldn‘t be doing. Because he wasn't just texting with her as a friend. No matter how much he wanted to just be her friend, in the end, he would still dream about kissing her. As he got dressed, a peculiar feeling spread inside his gut. It reminded him of their time as Phantom Thieves, where he used to get this strange gut-feeling before something big happening. What was Josh doing here behind Anns back? Her birthday was somewhat close, was he planning a surprise for her? No matter his plans, him coming here alone was suspicious enough. He grunted, unnerved by Rens demand to come meet up with him too.

As he closed up shop later that evening, he was inclined to just walk to the train station and go home without saying anything to Ren. But he knew how this would end. He would even entrust his best friend with the capability of gathering the group to invade his home as payback. Tired and unwilling, he made his way towards the diner. He was greatful that Ann hadn‘t texted him today, he had been unable to shake off this feeling of unease. Texting with her surely would have only made it worse. He hesitantly walked up the stairs to be greeted by the bustling diner. It didn‘t take long to spot the probably biggest party of tonight, sitting at one of the round tables in the back. It seemed like everyone was there already, gathered around Josh and chatting. Anns boyfriend immediatly got up after spotting him, greeting him with a tight handshake and a friendly smile „Ryuji! I‘m glad you could make it, man. Seems like we‘re complete now.“

„Yeah, good to see you.“ Ryuji replied, trying to sound chill before sitting down at the end of the bench beside Ren.

After ordering drinks and food, Josh put on a serious face before starting „So, I asked you here in secret because I have planned something very big and I want you to know in advance so you can safe the date.“ The atmosphere around the table changed all at once when everyone was staring at Josh in excitement. „I‘m going to propose to Ann on the 25th of November. I know how much this city and you all mean to her, so I want to do it here in Tokyo.“. He had to put in a break when Haru gasped for air, excitedly digging her fingers into Laitos upper arm. Ryuji felt awfully calm for the size of the bomb that just had been dropped onto him. He felt affirmed and impressed, that his gut-feeling that he had since Ren told him about tonights meet-up was right after all. There was something bad happening. And also, there wasn‘t. It wasn‘t like he ever was a competitor for Josh anyway. They weren‘t fighting for Anns hand. Josh was with Ann. Ryuji wasn‘t. And he was never supposed to be. He tried to keep his face as passive as possible while it felt like a pit was opening up beneath him.

„What a beautiful idea.“ Hifumi smiled when noone spoke.

„I agree, it is a beautiful gesture that Ann will surely appreciate.“ Yusuke nodded.

Ryuji caught Ren and Makoto sharing a kind-of serious look before Makoto turned around to Josh with a smile.

„I‘m setting everything up this week, while Ann thinks that I‘m on a business trip. I actually wanted to ask you guys for some input on the location...“

„We‘d love to help!“ Haru burst out.

„Great, thank you so much! So I did some research online and I read that the Wilton is really good? Have any of you been already? It says they have a great dessert-buffet, which I‘m sure Ann would love...“ Josh started.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ryuji saw Rens mouth twitch before he suddenly spoke up „I heard that it‘s not that great anymore...“. Why did Ren lie? He had told Ryuji only a few weeks ago how he had went there when his parents visited, and that everything was still as great as it was years ago.

Josh looked a little disappointed „Oh.. That‘s too bad. I thought that this was the perfect pick. The view seemed incredible too and I wanted to pop the question on a roof or a terrace or something..“. Haru seemed like she was about to faint.

„Well, Haru and I have been to this nice rooftop-bar… It‘s also near Shibuya...“ Laito started.

„Perfect! Could you send me the details or something?“ Josh quickly said. "I‘m leaving the day after tomorrow, so I'd like to check it out beforehand… Before coming here, I actually flew to Europe to meet Anns parents and ask for her hand…“ Josh sheepishly said.

„Are you trying to make us look bad?“ Laito joked as Haru still seemed in a coma from all the cuteness and thoughtfullness she had just witnessed.

„Haha.. I‘m not, I‘m sorry. I just.. want to make this right.“ Josh seemed genuinly nervous. „So.. No word to Ann, understood! This stays our secret.“ he grinned while looking at everyone at the table.

„We won‘t tell.“ Makoto solemnly pledged.

After dinner, one after the other anounced that they would be leaving until only Ryuji, Ren, Makoto, and Josh remained. Ryuji had actually attempted to get up and leave many times but Ren had always held him back, shooting him death glares until he complied. „While I‘m here, I was actually planning to look at real-estate too. I think Ann really enjoys getting to hang out with all of you again, so I thought it would make it even easier if she or we had a place to live here instead of always having to stay at a hotel...“ Josh started.

„You want to buy an apartment for her?“ Makoto asked incredulous.

„You really are starting to make us look bad...“ Ren stated before knocking back his drink.

Josh laughed „I‘m really not… It was just a thought I had, but it turns out that it‘s harder than I thought. I would have liked to show it to her on the day of the proposal, but that won‘t work out because I haven‘t found anything fitting yet...“ he stirred his drink with a straw. „Ryuji, you‘ve been quiet all night, man. Everything okay?“ he eventually asked.

Ryuji was almost startled when he got adressed directly. „I‘m good.. just really tired from work, that‘s all.“ he said, forcing a yawn to accentuate his point.

„I know that you are Anns best friends and I really hope that I have your blessings too.“ Josh said.

„Well, you definitly have Harus.“ Ren joked.

„But do I have yours?“ he insisted.

„You have our blessing.“ Makoto said and received a grateful look from Josh before his gaze wandered to Ren.

After a few moments of them staring at each other, Ren too said „Go for it.“.

When Joshs gaze landed on Ryuji, he already had an answer in store „Whatever makes Ann happy.“ he said, while trying to hide his gritted teeth. It felt almost childish, but he just couldn‘t bring himself to directly give him his blessing. Whatever made her happy… It was the truth. Ryuji knew that he wouldn‘t be able to make her happy. He had gotten her into those situations because he was weak and couldn‘t resist. But he was just messing with her luck. And also with his, because while hearing from her made his day, it also made him wish for stuff that would and could never be possible. He should be moving on. Why couldn‘t he move on? Why couldn‘t he just be friends with Ann? It was getting harder and harder to keep a straight face with all the emotions boiling behind it.

Ryuji couldn‘t tell wether he was that good an actor or if Josh really was that oblivious when he said „Thank you. I promise to always do my best to do just that.“

After Josh insisted on paying for everyones food and drinks, they left the diner at about 10 pm.

„So, I‘m gonna go to Shibuya Square. Where do you guys need to go?“ Josh asked as they stood on Central Street.

„Good question, Ryuji, where are you going?“ Ren asked, giving him a purposeful look.

„Uh.. this way?“ Ryuji was confused as he pointed to the stairways leading to the underground farther down Central Street.

„What a coincidence, we need to go there too.“ Ren stated in fake surprise, much to Makotos confusion. After saying goodbye to Josh, the three walked towards the stairs together.

„Why did you lie to him about the Wilton?“ Ryuji asked.

„Well…. It‘s kinda petty, but I thought that this place is already very special to her, you and me… And I wanted it to stay that way….“ Ren shrugged before asking „You‘re sure you‘re doing okay there, man?“.

Ryuji looked at him in surprise „Yeah. Why do you ask?“.

„Because there‘s obviously something that we all have missed. Between you and Ann.“ Ren said.

„I don't know what you‘re talking about...“ Ryuji shrugged.

„At the ceremony, you obviously were both hung-over.“ Ren knitted his eyebrows.

„And you both went off while Josh was dancing with Haru.“ Makoto added.

Ryuji sighed, he needed to get them off his back before they made him talk about everything „Look, maybe Ann and I have had a little too much to drink the night before the wedding. But we just ran into each other at the bar, there‘s nothing more to it. And the other day, I said something stupid while we were dancing, so I went after her to apologize. That‘s it.“ Ryuji explained. Ren and Makoto didn‘t seem convinced at all, but it appeared like his half-honest alibi at least didn‘t leave any holes for them to interrogate further. Makoto grudgingly accepted her defeat while Ren still eyed his best friend with furrowed brows. He knew something was up, but it seemed like he couldn‘t put a finger on it.

As they arrived at their parting point, Rens face seemed to lighten up. „Okay. Just wanted to make sure that we can all look forward to Anns magical engagement.“ Ren smirked before he fistbumped him goodbye.

After Ryuji hugged Makoto goodbye, he brought out an answer for Ren „Sure.“.

„Saw you grit your teeth there.“ Ren muttered to him before turning around with Makoto and walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Too Late To Say Goodbye ~ Cage the Elephant


	11. September, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You already know"

While Ryuji just learned about his evening plans with Josh, Ann had a very special girls evening. Since Josh had anounced his business trip last month already and Shiho had planned to visit her anyway, her best friend had decided to keep Ann company while he was gone. It was the second evening and they had already rewatched all the movies that they had planned on watching. Ann came up with the idea of doing a wellness evening.

„I really missed this.“ Ann smiled as she watched Shiho, who was focused on painting her toenails.

„Me too. I think Josh should go on business trips more often.“ Shiho giggled.

„He is gone a lot recently, but I think you wouldn‘t be able to get so many days-off from work.“ Ann replied with a grin before she returned to apply the finishing touches to her deep-red toenails.

„Don‘t you get lonely when he‘s gone?“ Shiho was concerned.

She shook her head. „I‘m good. It‘s very rare that he‘s gone for an entire week. Also, sometimes it‘s nice to have everything to myself for a few days. I don‘t need to worry about anything, I can order all the stuff to eat that he doesn‘t like...“ she grinned.

Shiho seemed apeased „Okay, I just don‘t want you to be lonely.“ she said in her kind voice.

Ann put on a smile „I‘m not. Besides, I can always text you and the others in Tokyo.“

Her best friend nodded. „Oh, speaking of, I ran into Ren and Makoto a few weeks ago. They look so cute together. It‘s hard to believe that the once so stern student council president is such a warm and kind person now.“

Ann grinned „Yeah.. She really came a long way. It‘s so unbelievable that I used to despise her.“

„I bet that they will get married soon. I mean, Haru made the start, the other guys are under pressure now.“ Shiho continued giggling. She had always been a romantic.

„I definitly don‘t see Yusuke dropping down on his knee anytime soon.“ Ann snorted. At Harus wedding, she had noticed that Hifumi was touched by all the emotional speeches and the event, but she feared that Yusuke wasn‘t aware of that. And even if he was, she doubted that he was someone who saw marriage as something important.

„You never know. Maybe deep down he‘s a romantic after all.“ Shiho smiled.

Ann rolled her eyes before she rummaged around in the shopping bag that they had dropped onto the coffee-table. „Mask Time!“ she grinned as she tossed her a sheet-mask. When both had their masks on and reclined into a more comfortable position on the couch, Shiho turned her head so she was looking at Ann „I bet Josh is gonna propose soon too! And you will have the most beautiful wedding!“ she sang with a teasing grin.

„Geez, Shiho...“ Ann laughed nervously to buy some time. Would he? What would she do then? Earlier this year, there would have been no doubt that she would say Yes. But now, with her head and heart all over the place, she felt like she wasn‘t in a place to get married. But Shiho was still staring at her with her innocent eyes, expecting to giggle about proposals and the prospect of getting married like they were young girls again and that everything hadn‘t become so effing complicated. Effing.. She started to sound like Ryuji. She had spent far too much time texting with him over the last month… It had been far too much fun… It felt like she had spent more time on the phone with Ryuji than with Josh. Everytime he went to bed without her because she‘d rather stay up to chat with Ryuji a bit longer, she knew that she did wrong, but she didn‘t regret it. Ann swallowed. It made no sense to lie about it to Shiho. She was probably the best person to talk with. „I don‘t know“ she finally said a little stressed, a pitch in her voice.

Shiho seemed a little perturbed but tried to stay cheery „What are you talking about? We've been talking about our weddings since for ever!“ When Ann couldn‘t give an immediate response Shiho immediatly sensed trouble for she now leaned in closer to her „Did something happen?“ she carefully asked.

Ann chewed her lip before shaking her head „No! Everything‘s fine.“ she forced a smile as she looked at her best friend „I‘m just… not sure if I even want to get married… That‘s all.“ as she spun the lie, she could hear Ryujis annoyed groan that he always did whenever he witnessed her acting. It had always driven her insane when he had that pitiful look on his face. It was his favourite thing to bring up when he wanted to tease her. But she knew how to get back at him and that‘s how they always got entangled in their bickering, that then drove everyone else insane.

Sadly, Shiho saw through her bad acting too. Ann should have known, after all, Shiho had never been the one to hold back the truth either. She definitly didn‘t have a problem with calling out the new girl on her bad painting. Her voice was patient and soothing „Ann….“ she continued looking at her best friend, giving her time to sort her thoughts, waiting for Anns honest answer.

Ann fidgeted with the mask on her face in an attempt to stall for time while her thoughts went wild. Should she tell Shiho about Ryuji? What should she even tell her about him? What was there to tell? She had just texted with him over the last months, but they had been friends since high school. Friends… right? But they weren‘t just friends. If they were just friends, she could have just told Josh who she was writing with instead of always making up lies on the spot whenever he asked her what she was laughing about. If Ryuji was just a friend, she wouldn‘t feel like doing something wrong. If he was just a friend, why did she daydream about him so much? And not to mention the dreams at night. Sometimes she would dream about wandering through Mementos with him, weapons in hand and ready to strike, fighting shadows together with that feeling of power flowing through them as if they were invincible. Panther and Skull. It was an odd one, because that was the whole dream and they had never walked through Mementos just the two of them on foot in real life. And still, she had woken up with a warm feeling in her chest. Was she just missing her teenage days? Did she unconsciously miss being a Phantom Thief? Was hanging with Ryuji just something she did to feel like a teenager again? But then she realized how much she had hated school, how much she loved living on her own and working in the fashion industry. But something was missing. Sometimes she caught herself wishing to be in Tokyo, even if it was just to hang out in the underground mall with Shiho, go for a chat at Harus cafe or go get some ramen with Ryuji. Or just hang out with him somewhere, talking about the silliest things. She missed her roots, and as someone who grew up not having any, that really meant something. And while her head continued rambling, Shiho still looked at her with patient eyes, waiting for her to sort it out. Ann took a deep breath before saying „I don‘t know what I want anymore...“

Shiho tried to look understanding but Ann could see that her best friend was puzzled by her cryptic messages. „What happened?“

„I returned to Tokyo...“ Ann answered.

„I don‘t understand.. Don‘t you like living here?“

„I do… but ever since I came to visit in spring, I realized how much I left behind...“

„But Ann.. You can always come visit… So what‘s the real problem?“

Ann chewed her lip „There's someone I can't get out of my head...“

Shihos eyes went wide „What? Who?“

„Have you ever heard of the term „The One that got away?““ Ann asked. While in spring she had vehemently tried to deny it, by now, after all those hours of texting and wrecking her head about things, she had come to the decision that it was about time to call the issue by its name.

Shiho gave her a puzzled look before nodding. It didn‘t take long for her to make the connection. Her eyes managed to get even wider „You don‘t mean...“

Ann simply nodded, a little ashamed.

As always, Shiho didn‘t freak out. She took a few moments to process the information before continuing in her calm voice „Doesn‘t this story remind of you of something?“

Ann shot her a look „It does… And I hate it.“

Shiho gave her a compassionate smile „Maybe even cheesy chick-flicks hold a spark of truth in them...“

Ann buried her face in her hands „I can‘t believe that you‘re making this connection...“

„Wouldn‘t you normally do the same?“ Shiho asked, kindness in her voice. „But jokes aside... I thought you were over this.“. Of course Ann had told Shiho about her last night in Tokyo. Back then, she would call her when she was on the verge of buying a ticket home again, after she had calmed down from sobbing into Ryujis sweatshirt from homesickness. Shiho had always listened to her rambling and sobbing, calming her down again. She had always reminded her of her goal to become a famous model, to become successful. Had she really gotten over her homesickness when she met Josh? Or did he just come at a time where it had stopped hurting so much? Ann let out an unnerved grunt „I knoow. I thought so too! I just went to give him back his sweatshirt back in April and then we ended up talking and then texting and then we got drunk at Harus wedding and I slept in his room and I don‘t know what‘s happening anymore!“ the words were flowing out of her mouth until she needed to catch her breath again. „It‘s like I can‘t stop. And I don‘t want to stop. What am I doing, Shiho? Josh is an amazing guy, shouldn‘t he be perfect for me? What‘s wrong with me?“ she was desparate.

„Do you know if Ryuji feels the same?“ Shiho asked.

Talking about it made her feel trapped. She pulled the mask off of her face and flung it aside. „I… don‘t know… But that‘s not the point. The point is that I should be thinking about Josh when I‘m thinking about him!“

Shiho looked at her with compassionate eyes „I don‘t know Ann… Maybe you were never over Ryuji in the first place? Maybe all these times that you thought you were homesick, it really was about him?"

Ann sighed. She had come to think as much. It had taken 2 years of complete radio silence to make her believe that she was ready to move on and it only took one evening chatting on his bed, sharing a bag of chips, to send her head spinning and her heart fluttering again. Who was she trying to fool, it had only taken a peek around a corner. Just the thought of that both adorable and idiotic grin made her heart giddy again. It almost made her sick how often she thought about the what-ifs, that he had told her not to think about. She wondered, what they would be up to, if she was with him right now and she started picturing herself sitting on his creaky bed in his apartment, leaning against his shoulder and watching TV while eating instant ramen. It was a heart-warming imagination. Her attraction for Ryuji was so much deeper than just the desire to grab him by the shirt and press her lips onto his. She wanted to be with him to prove him wrong about his claim that he messed up everything. She was a little grossed out by how cheesy it all sounded. „Shiho… What am I going to do?“ she asked, almost pleading for help.

„That‘s for you to figure out…. But no matter what you do… You should make up your mind soon or you will end up hurting both of them...“. Shiho calmly said, giving her a hug from the side.

„I know...“ Ann whispered, her gaze falling onto one of the framed pictures standing on the bookshelf. It was her and Josh, standing in front of some landmark. She had to smile. They had had a good time back then. Wherever he went, he made new friends because that was just the kind of person he was. He didn't have any reservations towards anyone and Ann admired that. After seeing how cruel and despicable people could be, it had fascinated her to meet a man who was so convinced that deep down, everyone was a good person. Kind, sweet and caring Josh, who had talked her up at a party and made her laugh from then on, giving her the support and confidence she needed to get by. Sometimes it almost felt like he was too good for this world. He certainly didn‘t deserve a girlfriend who secretly was in love with another guy. She imagined his kind smile and guilt washed over her. Because now all she thought about was Ryuji and the conflicted looks he had thrown her whenever he must have thought that she wasn‘t looking. She knew him well enough to know that he always thought that he was bound to bring people down. He wanted to protect the people he cared about, even if it meant hurting himself in doing so. She wondered if he felt like her, scared by the sheer force of emotions that they made each other feel with only the smallest of gestures. If she only knew what was going on in her head… Did she love Ryuji? Or was this just some messed up trip down memory-lane? Ann looked at her best friend. Shiho was right, she needed to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter  
> You Already Know ~ Bombay Bicycle Club


	12. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We crave the fiction when we need the truth"

**Ryuji:** We need to stop talking…

He sighed before deleting the draft again. That wasn‘t the right start. He had spent his entire morning thinking about what to write. He had had the idea since Joshs visit last month, but this morning he finally decided that he couldn‘t go on like this anymore. It had been another dream, but this time she was wearing a wedding dress, screaming at him to let her go, that she had to get married to Josh to be happy. That he was manipulating her. After waking up, drenched in sweat, he had forced himself to face the truth. Ann loved Josh, and no matter how hard he wanted to try, he would never be able to be indifferent about it. He would never be able to not care. He would never be able to be „just“ friends with her. They had too much history together for that. They had too much chemistry for that. He was absentmindedly typing away. He almost dropped his phone when he read

 **Ryuji:** I love you,

He quickly deleted it again. He wasn‘t going to pull the pining-move on her, telling her that he couldn‘t talk to her anymore because he loved her too much and that it pained him to see her with another man. It was kind of true, but it seemed like such a cheesy move. Not to mention the situation that Ann would be put into. What was she to do with that information? She wasn‘t going to blow everything off with Josh to rush to him. That only happened in movies. And even if she did, at some point she would realize the mistake she had made and she would despise him for telling her about his feelings. She would regret leaving Josh and the life of luxury he gave her. She would hate him and leave him, forever blaming him for ruining her life. He sighed.

His head shot up when the door opened but he relaxed instantly when he saw that it was Futaba, carrying a paper bag of some take-away shop. „Lunch time!“ she anounced. It had become a ritual that whenever Futaba was around at lunchtime, she would stop by with lunch when Ryuji was working alone.

„Hell yeah!“ he groaned, forcing himself to put his phone away. Maybe he just needed to get his mind off of things.

Futaba walked past the counter to drop the bag on the table in the back office and unpack. „Tadaaa! Burgers.“ she anounced with a grin.

„Awesome!“ Ryuji said as he dropped down on Iwais office chair. He tried to put on an unbothered face as he unpacked his lunch, but it was difficult. The weight of todays plan was always in the back of his head. A pressure that constantly squeezed his ribcage together.

„Did you read Prince Charmings text?“ Futaba asked while chewing.

He had noticed, but he hadn‘t paid any mind to it. After today, he wouldn‘t be a part of this anymore. He would need to make up a good excuse for not being at the proposal. He shrugged „What was it about?“.

„Just a reminder to keep quiet and that he has booked the location now.“ she said before popping a few fries into her mouth „Are you really okay with all of this?“.

He stared at her wide-eyed „What…?“.

Futaba rolled her eyes „There‘s obviously something going on with you and Ann…. Since forever….“

He was so perplexed that he had no response for her. He eventually studdered „How did you know…?“.

Futaba threw her arms up „Everyone knows! But noone wants to say anything! Haru is so wedding-obsessed that she almost faints whenever someone as much as talks about something wedding-related. Don‘t get me started on Inari. And I never thought that I would say this, but Ren and Makoto don‘t know how to handle this! Can you believe it? Ren and Makoto! But we all know that you and Ann are crushing. Hard.“ When he didn‘t respond, she waved her hand in front of his eyes „Heeeey! Stop lagging!“.

He blinked before he looked back up at her „Right, sorry...“. He was surprised by Futabas sudden outburst. He had no idea that she cared so much, especially when it came to something so trivial like who loved who. „I told Ren and Makoto that there was nothing going on...“ he muttered.

„Yeah, but you suck at acting as much as her.“ Futaba snorted.

„Why do you care so much about this?“ he asked, defensive.

Futaba pondered for a moment „You guys have always been my OTP. You two just seem so… fitting. I always thought that it was just a matter of time until you figured it out...“ she sounded genuinly sad „but it‘s been years. And now someone else wants to marry her...“.

Ryuji stuffed the burger into his mouth, trying to buy some time to process everything she just said. Was he really getting a lecture by Futaba now? He gathered his thoughts before answering „I don‘t know what you want to hear. She‘s happy with Josh. I guess you‘re wrong about your OPT or whatever.“.

She rolled her eyes „It‘s OTP – One True Pairing!“.

„Eff that! Maybe you were right when you said that I missed the chance to steal her heart. I couldn‘t make her stay so she left and found someone better.“ he defiantly said. Talking about this managed to feel even worse than just thinking about it.

„So you‘re just going to let her go?“ Futaba asked.

„This isn‘t some stupid Mementos-Fight! Josh is a good person, he‘s not our enemy. She‘s better off with him.“ Ryuji groaned.

„Then why was she always stealing glances at you at the wedding?“ Futaba asked „Why did she blush so furiously when you pulled her out with one hand? That was a serious show-off, by the way.“

„What are you talking about? You‘re just imagining things. Did you read too many fan fictions again?“ Ryuji brushed it off while trying hard to remember if he saw Ann blushing, but it was no use, all he remembered was almost dropping her when Josh came around again. Futaba looked at him like he was being stupid, but he wasn‘t. The truth was that Ann loved someone else, and sometimes the truth hurt. And in this case, it hurt a lot.

„But… don‘t you...“ she stammered.

„I do. But it‘s too late.“ his voice was firm. He didn‘t know what Futaba thought was going to happen. As if he was going to crash the wedding, bursting through the church door in the exact moment that the pastor asked if anyone had any objections. What a ridiculous thought. The rest of their lunch continued in silence. Futaba looked like her favourite character in an anime had just died. Ryuji almost felt bad before he realized that this was ridiculous. There had always been this chemistry between him and Ann. They both couldn‘t deny it. What had happened in the elevator was a moment of weakness on his side. Ann must be the only person who still managed to look breathtaking even after taking an involuntary dip in a pool. If that elevator hadn‘t stopped right then, he would have messed everything up for her. She was in a relationship. She had a perfect life on another continent. She had been fine without him for 4 years now. She would be fine again. He was so lost in thoughts that he barely noticed Futaba leaving. After the door fell shut, his gaze fell onto his phone again. He started typing away.

 **Ryuji:** I‘ve fallen for you. I can‘t bare to see you with another man. This is good-bye.

After reading it again, he deleted it once more. It sounded so desperate. If he told her that he loved her, she would want to talk to him. And since it was Ann, she would probably feel bad for making him feel this way although it was not her fault. She could be like that. She cared too much about everyone. If she just wouldn‘t care about him, maybe it would be easier on her. But he couldn‘t bring it over his heart to make her hate him. He didn‘t even know what he could say that would hurt her so deeply that she would never want to talk to him ever again. They were used to insulting each other, it was one of the pillars of their friendship. They had teased and annoyed each other so much over all those years, that he couldn‘t even think of something that Ann could say that would actually hurt him. Even if it sounded like it to bystanders, they have never been out to hurt each other. They have always been the two loud-mouths in a far too quiet society. Them standing out together had somewhat been like a special connection. He had pushed those feelings down, but he had missed her over all those years and it had never stopped. He had missed their moments of friendship. He had missed those playful jabs in the upper arm that she would do with a grin whenever he teased her. She didn‘t look like it, but she could throw some serious punches. And damn was he confused when he suddenly realized that this was hell of attractive. His idiot teenage-self had no idea. He had missed that adorable smile that would send his heart leaping when it was directed at him. He had missed how the room would always light up whenever she entered. He pulled a face when he realized how cheesy this sounded.

 **Ryuji:** Maybe we were meant to be together, but we missed the right time. I can‘t stop thinking about what-ifs. I can‘t stop thinking about you. But I have to. And you have to stop thinking about me. We need to go different ways again to do that.

That was even more desperate and pitiful. He let out an annoyed groan as he deleted the text once more. Who knew that it could be so difficult to break up with someone you weren‘t even together with. He should have known. It was Ann and cutting ties was more difficult when there was a small, uncontrollable part that desperatly tried to cling to whatever it was that they had now. He felt like banging his head against the wall.

It was starting to get dark when he closed the shop. As he turned around to walk away, he was approached by a hooded figure. He squinted his eyes to make out her face. „Shiho?“ Ryuji asked, confused. He couldn‘t remember when he had seen her the last time. Maybe two years ago?

„Hello Ryuji.“ Shiho smiled but he could see that there was something troubling her behind that smile. „I‘m sorry for showing up like this...“

„No.. it‘s okay. What brings you here? How long have you been in Tokyo?“ he asked, still confused and surprised. As far as he knew, she lived somewhere in the country-side now.

„I‘m… just here for today. Can we...talk?“ Shiho asked and the way she said it made Ryujis stomach uneasy.

„Yeah, sure!“ he said, suddenly feeling nervous. „Shall we go to the diner?“ Shiho nodded.

It took a few moments of uncomfortable silence until Shiho finally started to speak after they sat down at the diner. „I‘m… not sure how to put this...“…

„Shiho, did something happen? Are you hurt?“ Ryuji asked, worried.

She looked at him wide-eyed „No! I‘m okay, I promise! This.. is not about me.“ While it was taunting to listen to her vague explanations, Ryuji saw how hard she was struggling for words too.

„Did something happen with Ann?“ was his next question. Why else would Shiho actively come looking for him?

„In a way.“ she muttered. „I visited her last month. She said that you‘ve started talking a lot recently.“

Ryuji was even more confused. He assumed that Shiho was aware of their history. Was this an intervention? Did Shiho figure out that he was messing with her head? Did she come to tell him what a bad influence he was and that he should stay away? He felt sick.

„Ryuji…. Do you… like Ann?“ Shiho carefully asked, her fingers fidgeting around her glass of soda.

She sounded far too concerned or caring to tell him to back off. Now it was time for Ryuji to struggle for words. He knew. But should he really tell Shiho straight to her face?

„Because I think she‘s in love with you.“ Shiho continued.

It felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs. It felt both good and horrible. She couldn‘t be. What had happened at the hotel was a mistake. It was a slip-up. She couldn‘t be in love with him. She shouldn‘t. „But… She can‘t be….“ Ryuji brought out, dumbfounded.

Shiho looked at him with patience „It seems like she doesn‘t want to believe it either.“

„Because we‘re not supposed to be together! She‘s with Josh. He‘s proposing to her next month!“ Ryuji blurted out.

„I heard….“ Shiho stirred her soda with the straw. „But do you think she should be marrying him when she‘s in love with someone else?“

„No, but she shouldn‘t be in love with me!“ Ryuji argued „She should be with him…. I would only bring her down.“

„That‘s not how love works, is it?“ Shiho asked „I just felt like you should know.“

Ryuji absentmindedly toyed with his straw „Have you seen Josh? I‘m not even in the same league! I‘m not fancy, I‘m not rich. How am I supposed to give her any of the things that he gives her?“

Shiho looked at him for a moment before saying „There must be something that you have that he doesn‘t. Maybe you just don‘t see it yourself.“

Ryuji burried his face in his hands. This morning he woke up with the decision to cut ties with her, which had proven to be far more difficult than he expected. And now, Shiho was telling him that Ann could actually love him back. And still everything it made him feel was that he was too late. That if he had only brought up the guts earlier and let her go earlier, she maybe wouldn‘t have come to the realization and married Josh without ever thinking of him anymore. It would have been for the better. Until now, Ryuji thought that he needed to cut communication only for his sake. Because no matter how much he told himself that they were just friends and that they were just having harmless chats, his heart would still do backflips whenever his phone would buzz with a text from her and he would go to bed every night dreaming about stroking a strand of hair out of her face. Had she really started to feel like him along the way? When had she started to feel like this? It didn‘t matter. He needed to cut ties with her for her own good. Josh was a better choice in any regard, no matter what Shiho said. She had managed to get over him over the past 4 years. She would be able to do it again. He would be able to do it. She just was confused after seeing him again after such a long time. She would get the life she deserved and he would stay in his. They would stay in their respective leagues. He just needed to find the right words.

As he sat on the train home, he stared at his phone screen. He tried to think about something to write but got hung up on his past texts with her. He had to smile as he scrolled through. Was he really about to give all of this up? He remembered his last fight with Kaiko. She had shouted at him, asking him if he was able to love at all. Did he love Ann or was it just his teenage brain drooling over the memory of her? No, he loved her. It had always been there, deep down, sometimes it remained dormant and sometimes it was loud. When he had told her that he felt like she was one of the only people who could actually handle his mess, it was true. None of his exes were able to do it. He had always thought that he wanted someone who needed him, who he could protect and be strong for. Him and his stupid hero-complex. But he needed someone strong to rely on too, whenever he got angry at the world and its injustice or when he woke up screaming after reliving the day that Kamoshida almost beheaded him in his creepy palace-dungeon.

When he got off the train, he threw in a sprint towards his building to clear his head. He couldn‘t falter now. He needed to do what was right, even if it hurt. She loved Josh, she had told him so many times at Harus wedding. He could never be the right one for her and nothing would ever change that. He needed to say goodbye, stay away and get over her or at least put those feelings to sleep again. He needed her to hate him, if that made things better for her. Her life would turn for the better if he wasn‘t there to mess around with her thoughts anymore. As he slammed the door to his apartment shut, he typed away.

 **Ryuji:** I can‘t be your friend. I can‘t keep pretending that I can. Maybe it‘s time to let this go an move on. On our own.

He didn‘t think as he pressed Send, standing in the middle of his apartment. The answer was almost immediate. His phone started buzzing. She was trying to call him. His heart felt like it stopped as he looked at her name on the screen. He pressed the red icon, ignoring the call before letting out a sigh. He dropped down on his bed, when it started buzzing again. This time, it was a chain of text messages.

 **Ann** : Ryuji, pick up!

 **Ann** : What the hell?

 **Ann:** Just talk to me!

 **Ann** : Come on, please!

Ryuji felt sick as he watched her pleading messages flood their chat. As he read them, he could hear her voice. It was for the best, right? She needed to forget him again. He felt like screaming.

 **Ann:** Ryuji please!

His eyes stung as he hurled his phone across the room in a fit of desperation. He could hear the display cracking when it hit the wall. It was oddly symbolic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Emoticons ~ The Wombats
> 
> Bonus Track:  
> Your Body Is A Weapon ~ The Wombats


	13. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is the end of the line"

Ann was standing in front of the bathroom mirror in their hotel suite, curling her hair. Josh sweeping her away to Tokyo had come as a surprise. An even bigger surprise was when he anounced this morning, that he would take her out to some fancy new place along with all her friends. All of her friends. She was pretty sure that one particular friend wouldn‘t be there. She dropped another curl, staring at herself in the mirror. Her eyes looked kind of… empty? 50 texts. It had taken 50 unanswered texts and many unanswered calls until Ann finally admitted defeat and stopped trying to get an answer out of Ryuji. In the beginning, she texted him over 5 times a day, pleading, bargaining, begging for an answer, an explanation. As the days passed, she gradually reduced her messages, until one and a half weeks later, she decided to stop. It was too late. She had read his text over and over again, she knew it by heart by now. _I can‘t be your friend._ Another curl dropped down her shoulder as she absentmindedly continued to do her hair. She had done it so many times, by now it was muscle memory. _I can‘t keep pretending that I can._ Another curl. _Maybe it‘s time to let this go and move on._ Another one. _On our own._ A tear ran down her cheek before she hastily wiped it away. She needed to keep it together. After finishing her hair, she stared at herself in the mirror. It felt like she was incapable of putting on a happy face. Maybe everyone was right and she was a bad actress. She was looking forward to see her friends again, but something was missing inside of her. It felt like a hole in her chest. She took a deep breath and started to put on her make-up.

„Wow… you look stunning.“ Josh was in awe as she stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in a tight red dress and black high heels. It took everything out of her to put on a smile when he walked up to her to give her a kiss. The first week after Ryujis last text, she avoided any body contact with him to a point where he started to worry. She was able to put him at ease by telling him that she wasn‘t feeling well. After that, she had tried her hardest to cover up the hole in her chest and acted as normal as possible. She figured that it must have worked, for Josh was back to his normal, carefree self again, making jokes, smiling and complimenting her. But she started to think that he was easy to convince in general. Would the others immediatly know that something was wrong? Did Ryuji tell them something? Her thoughts went wild while Josh put his arm around her waist and pulled her close „I can‘t wait for tonight. It will be great.“. Ann cast him an absentminded smile before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Josh didn‘t lie, the place was extremely fancy. It felt even fancier when it turned out that he had actually rented the VIP-lounge that had its own private terrace, granting an incredible view over the city. As Josh lead the way to the lounge, they were greeted by the group and even Shiho had made the trip to the city. During their ride in the taxi, a tiny part of her heart still hoped that maybe Ryuji would be there too. That for some reason he wasn‘t able to bail on this one. That Ren made him attend. When she looked into the beaming round of her friends, she couldn‘t help but feel sad to not see him among them. And still, she put on the bravest face she could muster. If she slipped up now, everyone of them would know. Because they were able to read her like a book.

As she started to go about greeting everyone, she was met by Ren and Makoto. After hugging them tight, she needed to ask „Did you hear anything from Ryuji?“ she tried to sound indifferent.

„He told me he‘s not feeling well.“ Ren answered.

„Oh, that‘s too bad.“ Ann tried to sound cheery but she could see Ren and Makotos eyebrows rising by the second. They were suspicious.

Before Ann could come up with an elegant escape-trick, Ren placed his hand on her upper arm, looking at her with concern „Ann, are you okay?“.

That was faster than expected. It was do-or-die now. Ann put up the most contempt smile that she could muster before cheerily answering „Yeah, sure! Just wanted to ask. It‘s so quiet here without him.“ she grinned before frantically looking around the room to look for a reason to leave this conversation without seeming awkward or rude. Sometimes it seemed like Shiho and her had a telepathic connection, for her best friend chose the exact right moment called her over. As Ann excused herself, she made a mental note to avoid ending up alone with Ren and Makoto because as soon as she turned away, she could see Makoto worriedly whispering something into Rens ear.

„Thanks for getting me out of there.“ Ann muttered to Shiho, who eyed her with concern. „I have no idea why Ren and Makoto are so worried...“ Ann hadn‘t told Shiho about Ryujis text, but she still seemed to sense that something was of.

„You don‘t?“ she asked her with her patient voice.

Ann decided not to falter when she answered „No, why do you all think that something‘s wrong?“.

Shihos gaze already explained it all, but she still said „Because your eyes look empty.“.

Her words actually made Ann take a step back, as if this would dampen the blow. She knew that Shiho was right. It had felt like an eternity since she felt truly happy without feeling bad for it after. She couldn‘t even remember the last time she had laughed from the bottom of her heart, with nothing else on her mind. Was it back in April? Was it at Harus wedding? She felt like the closest she had been to thorough hapiness was when Ryuji was involved. But now she would never be able to talk with him again. Or text. Or anything, for that matter. She dragged her mind out of the downwards spiral it threatened to go down and put on a smile again, although now she knew that everyone had realized it‘s fake. Except for Josh maybe.

Shiho gave her a quick hug before whispering into her ear „You‘ll find your way.“. She gave her a contempt smile before walking away, leaving behind a confused Ann. What was she talking about?

Before she knew it, Haru and Laito were standing in front of her. Haru seemed to be even more excited and giggly than usual. It seemed like her husband did his best to calm her down without making it too obvious. „Ann! Isn‘t it a beautiful evening? What a lovely location too, Josh is such a tgentleman.“ the words came out of her mouth like a waterfall.

„Yeah. Everything is really great.“ Ann tried even harder to sound happy, maybe if she just tried hard enough, it would stick at some point. Or she would at least be able to trick everyone.

Haru was on the verge of bouncing up and down when she said „It‘s truly a night to remember.“.

Laitos grip on her hand tightened when he put on a nervous smile to tell his wife „Darling, why don‘t we get something to drink?“. Whithout waiting for a response, he steered her away. Ann could only hear fragments of what he whispered to her as they walked away. Something about ruining. She wondered what that was about, but before she could think about it some more, Hifumi and Yusuke were standing in front of her.

As they stood there together, Hifumis arm hooked into Yusukes, they looked so incredibly dignified and noble. A king and his queen. They would make a great portrait. Or even a statue. And even though they looked so terribly dignified, they were radiating with admiration for each other, and Ann hadn‘t even been present when they started dating. They just looked so happy and harmonic without doing any grande gestures and Ann admired that.

Hifumi seemed to have caught Ann staring at them, lost in thoughts. „Is everything okay?“ she asked and Ann wondered if everyone had teamed up to ask her the exact same question today.

Ann put on a smile. It started to feel a little more natural. Maybe Fake It Till You Make It was actually valuable advice. „Yeah, I was just thinking how much I adore you two. You look so happy and so perfect for each other. Like you were meant to be together.“.

Hifumi faintly blushed while Yusuke let out a soft chuckle „It‘s funny you should say that. For the longest time I thought the same about you and Ryu-“ he didn‘t get to continue when Hifumi low-key ellbowed him in the ribs, shooting him a panicked look. While Ann felt the color draining from her face, she also didn‘t fail to notice how Yusuke had improved with interpreting social clues, for he immediatly added „My apologies, the elbow in my ribs tells me I am out of line.“. Hifumi still looked a little shocked while giving a reassuring nod to her boyfriend.

Ann wondered if this was what the verge of a panick attack felt like, when her chest started to feel tight. She let out a distressed giggle before forcing to compose herself again. Yusukes remark didn‘t help with dealing with her problems, but it didn‘t matter. She needed to accept the truth. _Turns out it‘s kinda hard to find someone like th_ _at_ _._ She remembered his text and wanted to scream. She turned around to look at Josh standing with Laito and Ren, visibly enjoying himself. She tried hard to muster any feelings for him that exceeded mere sympathy. And she couldn‘t. It felt like she was unable to feel anything anymore, like she was trapped in a water-bubble, a mere spectator in what was supposed to be her life. She turned back to Hifumi and Yusuke, who seemed a little uncomfortable with the situation. Ann snapped back to reality when she put on a smile „I better say Hi to Futaba too.“ she said before hurrying off to the other side of the room, where Futaba was lounging, observing the scene.

„Hey Futaba, what‘s up?“ Ann asked as she sat down beside her. She realized that she hadn‘t talked to her at all at Harus wedding.

„I‘m bored! Your boyfriend is making everyone so sophisticated. Wish Ryuji was here, he doesn‘t transform into a stuck-up when he‘s around...“ she didn‘t beat around the bush.

„He‘s not as over-the-top as you seem to think.“ Ann suggested. She knew that Ryuji wasn‘t the biggest fan of Josh, but she hadn‘t noticed that Futaba had such a strong opinion on him too. _I‘ve always been wary of people like him_.

„He‘s just not my kind of person.“ when Ann didn‘t have an immediate response, Futaba added „No offense.“. Ann decided to keep quiet and joined Futaba in watching the scene in front of them. Josh was laughing about something that Ren said, slapping him on the shoulder as if they had been friends forever. Beside her, Futaba let out a short cackle „Looks like we all leveled up our social skills along the years. Who‘d have thought that one day we would be able to blend in with the normies.“. Ann had to smile and decided to ignore the fact that she was clearly talking about Josh when she talked about „normies“.

„Yeah… I guess you‘re right.“.

„If you look at us now, noone would suspect a thing….“ Futaba made a short pause before her voice changed. „Normal young adults with the usual problems. But beneath the mask Ren still sees a therapist regularly because of how the police tortured him. Makoto failed her final exams twice because she had panic attacks. Haru almost blew off her wedding when Laito said something that reminded her of that douche she almost was forced to marry.“ Ann wasn‘t sure whether Futaba was talking to her or if she made an observation to herself. „And who knows what‘s wrong with Ryuji, he sure as hell doesn‘t tell. But all that talk about him being a delinquent and a bad influence has left its mark, whether he admits it or not. I think he believes that he‘s messed up and only tears people down. He‘s so scared of effing up that he effs up.“

Ann stared at her dumbfounded. Who was this girl and when did she learn how to give speeches? And what was she saying about Ryuji? Was that the reason why he dropped all communication? _Besides Ren, I always felt like you‘re the only one who‘s able to take all my bullshit and actually handle it instead of just ignoring or looking down on me._ Her stomach turned into a knot. _There are better things awaiting you._ She swallowed „You‘ve gotten really good at people watching, Oracle.“

Futaba shrugged „Inari taught me. But he only sees „art“ in people. Whatever that means.“ she rolled her eyes when she put the „art“ in air quotes.

After a few moments of silence, Ann felt like she needed to ask „Are you mad at me for something?“.

Futaba looked at her out of the corner of her eyes „Nope.“ It was a rare sight to witness Futaba Sakura thinking about her next words instead of just blurting them out „It just feels like you put on this facade whenever you‘re around him. Like you‘ve moved on from everything that made us us. Like you don‘t want to be who you really are. I know how that feels. But in the long term, it will make you sad.“. Her fingers were constantly tapping on the table, as if she was unconsciously writing something on her computer while talking to her. „In the end of the day, Makoto knows why Ren has trouble falling asleep, Ren knows why Makoto bites her nails down to the beds. Hifumi knows why Yusuke has trust issues. And Laito knows what phrasing he needs to avoid to not send Haru into an anxiety fit. Does Josh know how to help you with your shadows?“.

Ann couldn‘t help but stare at her. And while Futabas question was about Josh, the first question that popped into her mind was if anyone was helping Ryuji with his own demons. What was going on here? When did Futaba become the sage of the group? Must have been Rens influence. „I don‘t want him to know. I don‘t want him to pity me.“.

„But wouldn‘t you want to spend your life with someone who gets you and knows you? The good and the bad things? Because I know that I still wake up screaming sometimes and I don‘t know what I would do if I had noone to talk to about it.“ Futaba gave her a weak smile before getting up „But let‘s put on our masks again.“.

Ann couldn‘t help but stare after her when she walked away. What had just happened? And how had Futaba hit the nail on the head with such precision? She chewed her lip. She was wearing a mask for Josh. She told herself that she didn‘t want to worry him by telling him about Kamoshida and everything else. But the truth was that she had a pretty good idea of how his reaction would be. He would pity her and he would handle her like she was made of glass. He already had that tendency now, it would only get worse. She remembered talking about that to Ryuji. _It‘s good to have someone who isn‘t as fucked up as me…_ Was it though? Maybe Futaba was right. Maybe it needed someone equally messed up to understand her. Maybe it needed someone who had been through the same. Maybe it needed Ryuji. But there was no Ryuji and her anymore. It felt like the walls were closing in on her when she started to hurry for the restrooms to lock herself into a stall. She took a few deep breaths as she leaned against the wall, her eyes squeezed shut to stop the tears from spilling. She couldn‘t cry. If she cried, they‘d know for sure. Everyone would know, because all of her closest friends minus one were standing in that room. They would see right through her. _Sometimes, I wish that I could have been good enough for you._ Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes shot open, tears running down her cheeks uncontrollably. It had been a whisper, maybe he hadn‘t even wanted her to hear it. It had been in his hotel room and she had almost fallen asleep in his bed when he had said it. She needed to stop. She needed to get back. She exited the stall and freshened up at the sink.

When she returned to the lounge, Josh handed her a glass of champagne with a smile „Hey, you wanna go out on the terrace?“ he beamed at her but he also seemed… nervous. Ann slowly nodded as she took the champagne flute from his hand. She would get it together again.

As they all stood outside on the terrace, there was a sudden change of atmosphere. It felt like everyone was on edge except for her. Like she was left out of a big secret. Especially Haru seemed like she was bursting with happiness. Josh had sent all of them ahead, claiming that he needed to settle something at the bar. As Ann leaned against the glass railing of the terrace, she took in the magnificent view of the city and for a moment she was able to shut out everything around her. She followed the bright lights on the streets below and tried to make out some landmarks in the distance. It was oddly calming. She felt like she got shaken awake from sleep when Josh lightly touched her shoulder. As she turned around to look at him, she noticed how everyone was huddled together a few steps away, all eyes on her and Josh.

When she shot a confused look at Josh, he cast her a shy smile. She almost dropped her glass when he rubbed the back of his neck and his face blurred into Ryujis in front of her eyes. Before she could question her sanity, it was gone again.

„So...“ Josh started and Ann thought that she had never seen him this nervous before.

A voice in the back of her head suddenly went off yelling _Oh no…. No, NO, No, no, no, no, no...._

„Ann… The last years have been the best of my life. I can‘t believe how lucky I am to have found someone like you.“ he smiled at her before reaching behind his back.

 _No, no, no, no, no, no,nonononono_ Anns face froze when he went down on one knee, revealing a black ring box.

„Ann Takamaki. I love you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?“

 _N_ _ononononononono_ _!_ She was in shock as she looked at the diamond ring before looking over to her friends, who all looked at her in anticipation. They had known. They must have known. Had Ryuji known too? Was that why he broke everything off? As her eyes wandered back to Josh who was still kneeling in front her, patiently waiting for an answer, she couldn‘t help but feel trapped. He had set it up to be a grand gesture, surrounded by all her friends. He had meant well, but at that moment, she hated it. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second to clear her head before looking at him again. „I...“ she started before she realized that she actually had no clue of what to say. As she was stammering away for words, her friends must have caught wind of the sudden change in atmosphere. She saw how Ren and Makoto exchanged a concerned look.

Josh seemed to catch onto it too when he got up, looking concerned „Ann…?“.

She thought that she had never heard so much uncertainty in someones voice.

„Guys, let‘s go inside.“ Ren and Makoto ushered the others inside, leaving her and Josh behind on the terrace.

„Ann? What‘s wrong?“ Josh gently placed his hand on her upper arm.

„I… I can‘t….“ Ann studdered „...marry you….“ her heart dropped when she looked at Joshs face faltering.

„It‘s… It‘s okay… We don‘t have to get married.“. Ann slowly shook her head, hoping that he would understand that this wasn‘t the only problem. „I don‘t understand… Did I do something wrong? _“_ he looked sad and confused and it was the hardest thing for Ann to keep going when all she wanted to do was run off and disappear forever.

„You didn‘t…“.

„Then what‘s going on? I thought everything was okay. I thought you were happy?“ he sounded desperate.

Anns chest tightened once more „I was…“.

„I thought you loved me?“.

Looking at the conversation she was in, she was surprised that she didn‘t manage to cry. It would have been appropriate and yet her tearducts felt empty while her heart was so heavy she felt like it could drop any second „I did...“.

„When did you stop?“ Josh looked so incredibly hurt that it twisted her guts.

„I.. don‘t know...“ _Liar!_ She had an idea about when it could have started. But she couldn‘t bring it over her heart to tell him.

„I… really don‘t understand…“ Josh repeated, disbelieving. She saw how it was eating at him from the inside.

„I‘m so sorry….“ a sob escaped her.

„Can I do anything to make you reconsider?“ he asked, almost begging.

Ann looked at him in shock. Why was he still holding on? She had just told him that she didn‘t love him anymore. Did he really still want to marry her after this? Ann shook her head. They continued to stand on the terrace, united in silence, an arms length distance between them.

„So this is it then?“ he almost whispered.

„I think it is….“ she whispered back, her arms wrapped around herself as if that would keep her organs in place.

„Okay...“ Josh nodded, trying his hardest to sound resolute and failing miserably.

„I‘m so sorry….“ Ann choked before her legs started moving beneath her, carrying her away. As she burst through the door, the heads of all her friends snapped into her direction, looking at her with concern.

Shiho was the first to get up and hurry towards her „Ann! Are you okay?“ That question again.

As she looked into the shocked, uncomfortable and nervous faces of her friends, the tears started to flow again. But she couldn‘t stay. She couldn‘t handle talking to them. She couldn‘t handle anything. Before Shiho reached her, she broke into a run to grab her purse off the table. As she went through the door and towards the elevators, she saw Ren trying to hurry after her before being intercepted by Shiho, gently holding him back, muttering something she was too far away to hear. She only realized as she stepped outside of the building, that she had forgotten to take her coat. The night air was starting to cool down and she shivered as a gust of icy wind blew around the corner. She took one last look at the building she left behind before hurrying into the nearby train station. Inside, she dropped down onto a bench to burry her face in her hands. When she caught her breath after a few minutes, she started to pull out the hairpins in her hair. Her fresh curls already looked messy. She must have looked like a crazy person. Sobbing on a bench with crazy hair. She took a few more deep breaths to calm herself down and get herself to think clearly. What she did was horrible. She had broken up with him because she had fallen for someone else. While he was proposing. She cursed herself for being undecided for so long. If she had ended it after Harus wedding instead of wavering around and pitying herself over her confusing thoughts, maybe it wouldn‘t have been so painful. But she figured Joshs reaction would still have been the same. She thought about the awkward situation that she left her friends in now and remembered their nervous faces when she was at a loss for words. Haru had looked like she was about to have a breakdown. As she sat there, reflecting her lifes decisions, she wondered where she should go now. A snort escaped her when she figured out that there was really only one place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Someday ~ Two Door Cinema Club  
> EDIT: Champagne Problems ~ Taylor Swift


	14. November, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've tried my best to move along, but I can't"

It was late at night when a knock on Ryujis door dragged him out of bed. His neighborhood wasn‘t the safest, so he reached for the baseball bat beside his door before opening. He dropped it as soon as he saw her standing there. She looked flustered, her blonde hair loose, flowing over her shoulders.

„Ann?“ Ryuji asked, blinking sleepily.

„Hey… Can I come in?“ she said.

He was confused but stepped aside none the less to let her enter.

„Josh proposed earlier today...“ she started after Ryuji closed the door. She kept standing.

Ryuji looked at her with a blank expression. Did she want his congratulations? He had stayed away for a reason. He had lived with the fact that Ann and him wasn‘t supposed to happen, despite whatever was happening whenever they were around each other. She deserved better than him. She deserved someone like Josh.

„I said No...“ Ann continued after realizing that he wasn‘t about to respond.

That did get a reaction from Ryuji. „What? Why?“

Ann chewed her lip before answering „I think you know why...“ she looked at the floor, protectively crossing her arms in front of her body.

Ryuji remembered Shihos words. „Ann, he‘s a well-dressed manager, I‘m a guy working at a gun store who barely got through graduation. Trust me, you‘re better off with him.“ he started.

„Then why can‘t I stop thinking about you?“ Ann burst out.

„I don‘t know.“ Ryuji said. He should have stopped her from letting it go too far. He should have controlled himself. Maybe he shouldn‘t have even invited her in back in April. But it has always been like this with him and Ann. Back in their Phantom Thieves days, their Personas had developed resistances against each others element. In real life, Ann was his biggest weakness. They both knew perfectly well of the effect they had on each other. He cleared his head before continuing „It doesn‘t matter. Josh is a good guy. He loves you and will give you anything you want. You‘ll be showered in presents. Hell, that guy is even looking for property in Tokyo so you can come visit more often. He‘s the real deal.“

Ann took a step towards him „You think I‘m this shallow?“ she had a challenging tone.

„No. But it sounds like a nice life to have.“ He stood his ground.

„So, that‘s it? Everything that happened was just a mistake?“ Ann probed, inching closer with every sentence. „You want me to go back and say Yes to him? Would you sit there and watch me getting married to the „Real Deal“ and applaude with the rest after we kiss?“ their foreheads were almost touching when she said „Would that make you happy?“

Ryujis fingers were tingeling, itching to reach out and pull her close and weaving his fingers through her hair. Even without them directly touching, he could feel the heat from her body mixing with his. And like it had happened so many times before, the switch flipped and he wanted nothing more than to hold her. He struggled to keep his thoughts under control before pondering about her questions. She was right, he would never be able to enjoy watching her getting married to someone else. He wouldn‘t even want to be there. But this wasn‘t about him. Of course it would hurt, but he would get through if he just stayed away from her. Like he had planned before. But she just had to come back and play her mindgames with him. He turned away and took a few steps towards the center of his crappy apartment to create some distance. He couldn‘t be near her or he would give in again. „That‘s not what this is about.“ he finally said. „This isn‘t about me.“

„This IS about you! Why don‘t you get that, you idiot?“ Anns voice rose in annoyance. „How can you tell me that there‘s nothing happening between us? Was this really just a game for you to wreck my life?“ she accused him while tears stung in her eyes. She was at her wits end. She was standing in his apartment in the middle of the night, telling him that she broke up with her boyfriend because she had feelings for him and he still acted like she was undecided, like he could tell her to make it okay again if she just went back to him.

„Bullshit! I told you that we need to stop! I told you! I held up my part, you are the one who came back and now you‘re calling me the asshole?“ Ryuji spat back, hurt by her comment on him playing with her feelings. He never wanted to hurt her. The whole reason they were in this goddamn situation was because he didn‘t want to hurt her.

„That‘s it? You want me to go away?“ Ann couldn‘t stop the tears from falling now. Was she so wrong about him?

„I want you to make the right decision.“ Ryuji said, calm when on the inside he was dying to walk over and console her. He didn‘t want her to go. He never wanted her to go. But she had to. There was a better life waiting for her on the other side of that door.

Ann was yelling so loud that he got worried that the neighbors would come knocking any second „Uuuugh, you idiot! Why don‘t you get that I‘m not going back? Stop acting like you need to protect me from yourself!“

Ryuji was quiet when he stared into her eyes that were now glistening with tears. It hurt seeing her like this.

„I‘ll ask you one last time: All these „moments“ that we had the past months, you didn‘t feel anything? Say No, and I will leave. I will never come back. We go our different ways, I will go back to the US and you will never hear from me again. That‘s what you wanted, right?“ Ann composed herself, staring him straight in the eyes.

„Ann look at me. What do I have to offer? Look at this place. I‘m not someone you can take along to red carpets or pose for pictures. I‘m the nobody from your high school. I -“

„Shut up and answer my question.“ Anns voice turned dark as she cut him off.

Ryuji was at a loss. He couldn‘t bring himself to tell her to leave. But he knew that in the long term he would make her unhappy. Like he had with all the girls before. As if on instinct, he started moving towards Ann. The closer they got, the stronger the force pulled him towards her until he held her face between his hands and their lips found each other in a passionate and rough kiss. Ann grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling herself towards him.

„I can‘t make you happy.“ Ryuji muttered between kisses.

„Ugh, shut up.“ Ann responded, wrapping her legs around his waist when he lifted her up to carry her over to his bed. The bedframe creaked when he put her down on the matress, causing both of them to chuckle for a second when they simultaneously remembered months ago, when they had their first talk again after all these years apart.

Ryuji used the moment to look at the woman now laying below him. She chose him over a life of luxury and a dream husband. Was he really worth it? Or would she regret it and come to despise him soon? He was brought back to the moment when Ann pulled him down by his shirt once more, her lips crashing against his in an attempt to get rid of the bad feeling that lingered on the bottom of her heart after breaking up with Josh only hours ago. Was it trashy to immediatly go make out with the next guy? At this moment, she found that she didn‘t care. She should have known since that stupid fling four years ago, that it had always been him she was supposed to be with.

The next morning, Ann woke up with mixed emotions. There was the feeling of guilt after the events of last evening, mixed with butterflies and relief that for the first time she would be able to stay instead of getting up and leaving while he was asleep. She took a deep breath. Everything, from the bedlinen that was surrounding her, to his t-shirt, that she was sleeping in, had this familiar smell. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she looked up at Ryujis peaceful face and slightly agape mouth before she nestled up to his side again, resting her head on his chest to listen to the beating of his heart. _I love you._ _Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?_ it echoed in her head. _I don‘t understand… I thought you were happy?_ She had done a horrible and unforgivable thing. And she didn‘t even have the guts to come clean to him about the reason why she didn‘t want to be with him anymore. Did she do it to protect his feelings or because she couldn‘t bare to admit how she screwed up and see his reaction? Ryuji keeps telling her that he was no good for her, that he would screw it up and make her sad. Maybe she was the one that‘s screwed up. It was kind of ironic, that in high school everyone thought of her as a slut when she didn‘t even have a boyfriend. Maybe it had been a premonition. She should have felt bad all over, guilty to her core, but now that she was laying in his arms, she couldn‘t help but feel happy as well, relieved, free... She gently ran her fingers over the smooth skin on his chest until he started to stir.

It was odd to see Ann in the morning without her hurrying to leave again or a green face because she was so hung over, but looking down at the sea of blonde hair and her head resting on his chest, he immediatly knew that he would be happy to wake up to this every morning. It felt somewhat faintly familiar without ever experiencing it. As if it was meant to be. He gently wrapped his arms around her, as if to make sure that she was really there. He could feel her smile against his chest and for a moment, they both were able to forget everything around them as they laid there in a tight embrace. They stayed in bed for another hour, not talking much, taking in the new situation.

„How are you feeling?“ Ryuji asked as they laid on their sides, facing each other.

„I feel… relieved… Like if I am where I‘m supposed to be… But on the other hand, I feel like I‘m not supposed to feel like this after what I‘ve done yesterday…“ Ann said, her hands tucked in under the pillow below her face.

Ryuji didn‘t know what to say. To an extent, he shared her feeling. He didn‘t know Josh that well, he wouldn‘t consider him a friend, but he knew how much Josh loved Ann and how much thought he had put into his proposal. To them, last night felt like something that was meant to happen for a long time. The teens who always had that chemistry since high school finally found together, the beauty lost her heart to the rebel and left her perfect boyfriend for her one true love. The story of a cheesy teen movie. But from Joshs point of view, Ryuji was the asshole, seducing his girlfriend and Ann the harlot, jumping from the caring, nice guy to the high schools bad boy and nowadays no-good loser. After a brief moment of silence, he asked „Do you regret it?“ he tried to hide his insecurity. Yesterday, he thought that he could convince her that there was a better life waiting for her and that it wasn‘t with him. Today, he feared that she would realize the mistake she made by staying.

Ann looked straight into his eyes. „No.“ she moved her head closer so their foreheads were touching. „I want to be here. With you.“ she whispered before moving in to gently kiss him and it was enough to get his heart leaping again.

„This feels surreal….“ he muttered as he moved a strand of hair out of her face.

Ann nodded „Yeah…“ she pondered for a bit before adding „It‘s crazy how often I dreamed about this the first months after leaving…“.

Ryuji swallowed before asking „So…. Why did you leave that day? I mean… without saying anything...“ he had never blamed her for going. It was the chance of a lifetime. But now, after hearing that she also wasn‘t able to move on that easily, it made him curious.

Ann chewed her lip „I… guess I was scared. I knew that I had to leave and the more I looked at you, the more I wanted to stay…“. It was a lame excuse, and it would have been his good right to call her out on it. Noone had forced her to go to the US. She had been put in front of the classic „love vs. career“-scenario and she had chosen the path that she always detested in movies. She had hurt his feelings, and all she had cared about was how bad it had made her feel, how afraid she had been to call him because she didn‘t want to know if he was mad at her. The only thing that had wracked her brain was how miserable she had felt when she cried into his hoodie instead of thinking about how he must have felt. But it had been easier to pity herself than actually grapple with the fact that she wasn‘t the only one being miserable. And so she had started to tell herself that it must have been just her, that felt sad and that for him, it surely mustn‘t have meant that much. Because it was so much easier. A sudden fear spread inside of her. She had messed up so many lives… Josh… Ryuji…. Shiho, all this time ago… She fought hard to keep the tears under control. She wouldn‘t cry. If he saw her crying, he would worry and he would try to cheer her up. But she didn‘t deserve it. She didn‘t deserve to be held in his arms for comfort when he should actually be mad or at least disappointed, that she had pulled such a stunt on him.

But of course Ryuji noticed. He had seen her on the verge of crying far too many times to not notice now. It wasn‘t that hard. Her eyes only got this sparkly when she was laughing or when she was sad. Since she wasn‘t laughing now, it was clear that something bothered her. He sat up on the bed, ignoring the creaking, and pulled her up into his arms so they were kneeling in front of each other. „Hey...“ he tried to calm her down when the dams broke and she started sobbing against his shoulder. Did she regret dumping Josh? Had she realized her mistake already? He tried to push his fears down as he concentrated on gently stroking her back while holding her close to him.

Ann wiggled out of his embrace to kneel in front of him, burying her face in her hands, her body shaking with sobs „I messed up everything… I… I was so stupid. I hurt you, I hurt Josh…“ she took a few ragged breaths while sobbing „when all I should have done was just tell you how I feel all those years ago…. I… don‘t even have a logical explanation for why I didn‘t wake you up!“

Ryuji was surprised. He gently took her hands and pulled them away from her face „Ann….“ he was at a loss for words. She was right, things could have been way different, but they have been nothing more than teenagers, confused by their long-burried feelings and driven by this unspoken agreement that it was „now-or-never“ and a one-time-thing. He gently placed his hand on her cheek.

„How can you even like me after all of this?“ she sobbed.

Ryuji actually smiled before saying „Are you serious? You do remember all of the things I told you while we were drunk, right?“

„Yeah, but how? How can you still feel like this after I ghosted you for 4 years?!“ Anns voice was shrill with desperation.

Ryuji shrugged. Why did he? Maybe that one line he had said half a year ago – the one he found so incredibly stupid and lame in hindsight - actually had a meaning. _Seems like we just can‘t help it.._. _._ He gently wiped away a tear with his thumb „I dunno… Guess I could ask you the same thing…“. He looked into her confused eyes before quietly saying „Maybe some things are just meant to happen...“.

Ann looked at him with wide eyes. She had never thought of Ryuji as someone to believe in something like this. If all of this was meant to happen… she had really messed up Joshs life bad. She sighed. There was actually nothing that Ryuji could say that would make her feel better. Because there was nothing that would make her less guilty in this entire situation. She remembered Joshs devastated face again. She couldn‘t have stayed with him, not after everything that happened over the last year. Ending things was the right thing to do. She looked up and her heart sank when she looked into those brown eyes that looked at her with so much devotion. She realized that he probably was the only one who could have given her a little comfort in a situation like this. Because he knew how it felt to make a mistake that affected other people about as much as himself. Her guilty conscience still weighed heavy on her shoulders when she leaned forward to kiss him. And as she was sitting in his lap, their lips unwilling to part, she knew that it had always been him. He knew her better than anyone. Maybe because he had known her since middle school, maybe because his time at high school was equally messed up because of the same scumbag teacher, maybe because most of the time he teased her about something, it was because she pretended to be something that she was not. Her fingers gently stroked the smooth skin on his cheeks before slowly tracing his jaw line with the occasional beard stubbles. Ryuji had his arms locked around her and pressed her close to his chest. His hands were curled into fists, clutching the t-shirt that she was wearing.

He paused for a second to look at her. She had tried her best to remove the make-up with water, but there were still traces of mascara under her eyes. The t-shirt that he had given her to sleep in was hanging loosely from her shoulders. „Damn, you‘re beautiful...“ he muttered.

Ann smiled as she lightly ran her fingers over the bare skin on his shoulders. It made him shudder and he started to kiss her neck to return the favor. She started giggling „Stop!“.

„No way.. I‘ve been waiting so long to do this.“ Ryuji whispered against her neck before Ann started to twist in his arms, trying to break free, only this time it wasn‘t like in all those dreams he had had over the last months. He grunted in surprise when she pushed him down onto the matress again, now laying on top of him. He had always thought that it was a stupid metaphore, but he could really lose himself in Anns eyes. They were almost entrancing. He got so lost, that it came as a surprise when she gently kissed him. Her lips were still as soft as he remembered. A cold shower ran down his spine when her hand found his, their fingers locking like they had all those years ago. When their lips parted again, he almost felt cold, but the smile Ann gave him made up for it.

She placed her head on his chest. Even though they were just laying in bed, his heart seemed to beat faster than normal. She smiled as she closed her eyes, concentrating on the steady rythm of his heart that settled down after a few moments. Her right hand was still locked with his, but his free hand started to weave through her hair, massaging her scalp. She let out a relaxed sigh before whispering „I never want to get out of this bed again.“. She didn‘t need to see his face to know that he grinned.

„That sounds effing amazing...“ he muttered in return before raising his head to plant a kiss on top of her head. „But you‘ll have to get back to your job at some point. Being a model involves going out, right?“

Ann sighed „Why do you have to crush my dreams so early?“. But he was right, at some point soon she would have to return to the US. To her workplace. To Joshs apartment that she had been living in until now. Luckily she would be able to stay a few more days before her agency would ask questions. Maybe she could even ask her agent to set her up with an apartment before she got back. She wondered if they would also be willing to get her stuff from Joshs place. And she still had her suitcase at the hotel… „I should have a few days left though...“ she smiled. She didn‘t want to worry him about the logistics.

Ryuji nodded before remembering something else „What about the others?“

Ann sighed. After being present at the proposal, they seemed to be uncomfortable enough to witness her being undecided, but they never heard the whole story of how things went down on that roof-terrace before Ann ran off. She couldn‘t bare to think about the looks of their friends if they found out that the first thing she did after turning down his proposal was to spend a night at Ryujis. Both of them wouldn‘t look particularly good in this story. With a sigh, she rolled off of him and onto her side, still not letting go of his hand. She nervously chewed her lip as she tried to imagine the others reaction. Ren and Makoto were such honest people. Would they despise her for what she did? She suddenly got the thought, that maybe Futaba would be happy even. After all, she had given her such a huge speech, claiming that she would be better off with „someone like them“ and who could that have been except Ryuji?

Ryuji turned over to look at her again and saw how deep in thought she was. He brought her back to reality with a kiss before saying „Hey… let‘s not worry about this for now.“ he smiled when she looked at him. „You said you have a few days left. So let‘s do it. Let‘s just not get out of bed.“

Anns grip on his hand tightened when her eyes lit up „That sounds effing amazing.“ she pressed a kiss onto his lips before drawing the blanket over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Be Your Shadow ~ The Wombats
> 
> I can't believe that we're nearing the end. And it all started with this chapter, that I wrote, before I decided to build something up around it.


	15. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cause I just really wanna be with you"

Outside, the days passed by, but inside, it felt like time had stopped as Ann and Ryuji holed themselves up in his apartment, only barely noticing anything going on outside. Ryuji was able to swap his shifts and Ann had put their friends on hold by texting them that they shouldn‘t worry about her and that she needed time to figure things out. The days flew by as they lived off of delivery food and barely ever got out of his bed. Ann never noticed how tired the last months had made her. Or maybe it was just because she hadn‘t slept this well in a long, long time. Whenever they were awake, they either talked, played video games or watched a movie, never letting go of the other. Both her and him would get thoughtful from time to time, they both had things to work out. Like years ago, they shared a secret again. It felt oddly familiar. They spent almost a week in this weird limbo before Ann finally had to face the fact that she needed to return to the States to get her things together and out of Joshs apartment.

„So, where will you be staying?“ Ryuji asked as he watched Ann getting ready the day of her departure.

„I‘ll stay at Beatrices until I find something new...“ Ann said as she tried to stuff her dress into her small purse. She would fly home in some of Ryujis jogging pants and a certain purple hoodie.

Ryuji watched her try for a little longer before saying „Ya know… you can.. leave it here if you want...“. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

„Okay, this stays then“ Ann gratefully tossed the dress across the room before snapping her purse shut. After being holed up in here for a week, she had made herself at home rather quick.

As she was about to go get her phone, Ryuji gently grabbed her wrist to pull her into his arms. „You‘re gonna come get it back, right?“ he muttered as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

She nodded. „I promise.“ she wrapped her arms around his neck.

„And don‘t take 4 years again, okay?“ he gently kissed her forehead.

„I won‘t.“ Ann smiled a small smile before she moved in to kiss him, her arms locking around his neck a little tighter. It felt like minutes had passed when their parted lips again. „How does two weeks from now sound?“ she whispered, her forehead resting against his.

„Sounds awesome.“ Ryuji whispered back, a grin on his face.

„I have to get going...“ Ann sighed as she took a look at the clock. Letting go of him was hard, especially after spending almost every minute of an entire week together, but her taxi was about to arrive any minute now. Watching her put on the high heels that she came in combined with his loose-fitted jogging-pants and huge hoodie was an odd sight to behold. They shared a long hug in the door before Ann turned away to walk to the elevators. She was almost around the corner when she turned around once more. In a few strides she was back in front of him and before he could say anything, she pressed another kiss onto his lips. Surprised at first, Ryuji was quick to react, returning her kiss, wrapping his arms around her one last time. A tingle ran down his spine when her fingers ran up the back of his neck to gently weave through his hair. They lingered in a tight embrace for a few more seconds before Ann whispered „Two weeks.“. A smile ran across her lips.

„Yeah. Two weeks.“ he whispered, forcing to put on a smile as well. „Text me when you‘re home, okay?“ he added. This time, they had to part for real.

Ann waved one last time before she turned around the corner. It was the first time in a long time that she got a proper look at herself in the mirror as she rode the elevator down. Despite the fact that she hadn‘t done her skincare-routine for a week and had only washed her hair with whatever it was that Ryuji used, she finally understood what it meant when someone „had that glow“. She just looked so… alive. A laugh escaped her. When she stepped out of the shabby building, the bright daylight blinded her. It felt like she had been asleep for years. She took one last look back at the broken glass door that lead to the place that felt like her own saferoom. The place where her heart belonged. The edges of her mouth twitched when she realized how cheesy that sounded. The taxi honked impatiently and tore her out of her thoughts.

It was late evening when Ann finally stepped into the arrival-hall of the airport. The face-drop of Beatrice was immediate when she spotted her approach in loose leisure-wear combined with high heels. „I mean…. What an outfit...“ she brought out before taking a step back to take in the entirety once more… „Seriously… how are you managing to pull this off? You still look kinda amazing...“. They greeted each other with a hug before walking towards the exit. „So… I went to your place to get some of your stuff for you…“ her friend started before the excitement got the better of her „I mean… of course I had to talk to Josh there… He told me you just ran off and went off the grid? He called your best friend a couple of times to see if you‘re okay but she had no idea where you‘ve been off to. Where were you?“.

Hearing that even after breaking his heart, he still cared enough for her to worry if she was alright hurt more than she imagined. While hidden away with Ryuji, they found comfort in the fact that they both were sort of the bad guys in this scenario, mostly her, but Ryuji as always had to insist that he shared her guilt. He felt guilty for an entirely different reason, but Ann had told him often enough that she would hear none of it. They were in this together... But now that she was out in the world again, she needed to face the other result of her actions. She suddenly got scared. What was she supposed to tell Beatrice? Would she despise her if she told her that she was at Ryujis the whole time? Would she think that while Josh was worried about her well-being she was off messing with another guy? And was that really all it was? It certainly hadn‘t been all pink hearts and roses that week. Over all, they had spent far more time talking than making out. It had been kind of therapeutic. But they were the only ones who knew that. From the outside, their week off the grid gave off an entirely different picture. She started to sweat while desperately looking for a safe answer that wasn‘t a lie but also didn‘t sound like she had been screwing around with another guy for a week.

„You were with him, right?“ Beatrices voice cut through her thoughts.

Her cheeks flushed before she managed to nod „Yeah…“ she admitted, fearing the worst.

Beatrice was quiet for a moment before muttering „Damn, Ann….“. They took a few steps in silence before her friend spoke up again „So that‘s why you‘re rocking this outfit so much...“ her voice was steady and it was impossible to tell whether she said it with disgust or as a joke. When Ann stared at her in surprise, she gave her a quick wink and the weight on her heart was lifted.

„Thank you… For getting some stuff for me. I really hope that I find a new place soon.“.

„Hey, you can stay with me as long as you like. Been a while since I had a roommate.“ Beatrice shrugged „And since your guy is on another continent now, I don‘t even have to give you the run-down of what to do when you have a guy over.“.

Ann chewed her lips „So… you saw Josh. How was he doing?“ she carefully asked as they stepped out into the cold air.

„Do you really want to go there, Ann?“ she asked.

„I… don‘t. But I feel like I should.“ Ann said as she hailed a cab.

„Look.. what you did wasn‘t the honorable way, but you did what you did. There‘s no point in making yourself suffer on purpose.“ Beatrice pointed out as she got into the cab with her before giving the driver her adress.

„So did he say something?“.

Beatrice rolled her eyes and sighed „Okay, guess you want the tough love then: The guy thought he had the woman for life and she turned down his proposal and broke up with him instead. I guess he‘s as crushed as anyone would be in this situation. He seems to have a lot of questions…“.

Ann absentmindedly fidgeted while remembering the tons of questions he had had on the roof-top _I thought you were happy? Have I done something wrong? What can I do to make you reconsider?_ There have been so many questions and she had answers for so little of them. There was nothing that he had done wrong. The only problem was that he wasn‘t Ryuji. She sensed Beatrice watching her from the sid.

„Told ya you wouldn‘t like to hear it….“.

Ann shook her head „No. I think I needed to hear that. I can‘t forget how horrible I made him feel...“. They rest of the ride continued in silence.

Beatrices apartment was small, but not as small as Ryujis. At least her place had a seperate bedroom. „And voila, this is where you will be sleeping.“ Beatrice presented the couch to her in a grand gesture before dropping down on it. Ann smiled as she took off her shoes and sat down beside her. When Beatrice noticed her taking out her phone she got up and smiled „I‘ll give you a little privacy and get changed.“ she said before she skipped off to her bedroom. Ann had to giggle before she looked at her phone. And for the first time in forever she felt nervous about texting Ryuji.

**Ann:** I got back safe. Glad to be out of those shoes now ;) I love you.

Her fingers seemed to type the last 3 words on their own. _I don‘t understand. I thought you loved me?_ She violently shook her head in an attempt to get rid of the memories. Should she write that? She knew that it was true, but would she scare him with this huge step forward? They hadn‘t even really established what they are now. She decided to delete the last words.

**Ann:** I got back safe. Glad to be out of those shoes now ;) I can‘t wait to return to you.

As she hit Send, Beatrice walked back into the room and tossed her some of her clothes that she had picked up from Joshs place. She grinned as she dropped down beside her on the sofa „Did you write something dirty?“.

„What? No! He just wanted me to write when I‘m home safe.“ Ann justified, embarassed by her directness.

Beatrice shook her head with a grin before jabbing her in the shoulder „Oh come on! We‘ve covered the gloomy part, now it‘s time to dish! Tell me about the guy! What have you been up to this past week?“.

Ann got uncomfortable. She didn‘t feel like she was ready to start gushing over him. It felt wrong „I really shouldn‘t...“ she refused. „I shouldn‘t be talking about my new.. relationship… so short after breaking another guys heart.“ she chewed her lip and repeated a sentence that she had said a few times in the past week „I feel happy, but I feel like I shouldn‘t.“.

Beatrice furrowed her brow before asking „Do you regret turning Josh down?“.

Ann looked at her with wide eyes „I regret hurting him.“

„Yeah, but let‘s say you could turn back time. Where would you go and what would you change?“

Ann knitted her eyebrows over her bizarre question before giving it a real thought. A distressed giggle escaped her when she realized. It became so clearly obvious „I would go back to the morning I left Japan. I would wake him up and talk about… us. I shouldn‘t have ran away from the truth.“ while saying it, she realized how horrible it sounded that she would trade her time with Josh. He was a good guy after all and he had made her happy. But she screwed him over by running off to her high school crush. Cause that‘s what he had always been. Calling him her friend from high school had always been an understatement. That loud-mouthed idiot with the biggest heart of all. Her life had turned into a chick-flick so much, it wasn‘t even funny anymore.

„Guess that‘s a pretty obvious answer.“ Beatrice shrugged. „So, tell me more!“

Ann rolled her eyes with a shy smile before saying „I… think I‘m where I‘m meant to be.“

1 week later

Ann took a deep breath when she stood in front of the apartment that used to be her home. Her agency had been pretty quick to provide her with a small studio apartment somewhere close to the offices. She had texted Josh in advance, telling him that she would come and pick up her stuff. When she unlocked the door, she saw him putting on his shoes. He looked both surprised and horrified to see her.

„Oh.. you‘re here early.“ he said after finishing tying up his shoes.

Ann checked the time on her phone. She was indeed 10 minutes early. „I- I‘m sorry. Is now a bad time?“ she asked. She felt like she was standing in front of a complete stranger.

Josh shook his head „It‘s okay.. I just thought that I‘d head out while you pack your things.“

„Oh… I see.“ Ann replied. It seemed like it wasn‘t only her, who felt incredibly awkward.

„So… I‘ll get going then. Just leave your keys on the kitchen table when you‘re done.“ he said before attempting to walk past her.

Ann flinched „Josh… I‘m really sorry...“ she said. She figured that nothing she would say would make any difference. Him being on the defence and trying to evade her was actually only one of the many scenarios she had made up in her head over the last few days, when it became obvious that she needed to talk – or at least text – with him. She wondered how she would have reacted, if it was her in his position. She would have probably screamed and broke stuff, insulting him in every way possible for how he had toyed with her feelings. But he didn‘t. He just looked defeated.

Josh managed a weak and tired smile „You… don‘t have to say that.“

„I know.“ Ann said. „I‘m sorry for disappearing like that. It was all too much at that moment. I‘m sorry that I turned you down like this...“

Josh raised his hands. He looked pained „Let‘s just… not bring this up.“. He took a deep breath „We should just draw a line here.“. For the first time this day, he actually looked her in the eye „Goodbye, Ann.“

Ann nodded. „Goodbye, Josh.“. When he closed the door behind him, she let out a long sigh. She had figured that they wouldn‘t stay friends. She would have never been able to look him in the eyes after what she did to him. It was for the better, that he left their time behind him. She hoped that he would be able to smile again soon and that he would meet someone new. Someone who would make him happy.

When she stepped into the living room, she felt like she had never been here before. Nothing had changed, yet still, it felt ages ago since she lived here. It felt like she was invading someone elses place. She walked into the bedroom to make a turn into the walk-in closet. The first thing she dug out was her box of memorabilia. The hoodie wasn‘t in there anymore, of course, but she would never make the mistake again of burrying her past memories.

There wasn‘t a lot to pack up except for her toiletries and all her clothes. Since she had moved into Joshs apartment, all the furniture was his. When she stood at the kitchen table, she took another deep breath and took a last look at her previous life. It looked pretty, but also cold. It appeared spotless, but it wasn‘t. It was the life she had thought she wanted before knowing better. She placed the keys on the table and left without looking back.

December 26th

„Merry late christmas, everyone!“ Haru smiled as they all sat at LeBlanc, enjoying a bowl of curry. They each had celebrated christmas on their own, but the 26th had become their Phantom Thief christmas over the years. „It‘s great, that we‘re finally complete again.“ she beamed at Ann, who was sitting on one of the benches beside Futaba.

„I can‘t believe that you really took a flight on christmas day to be here now.“ Makoto said.

„It was on short-notice. It takes almost a whole day to fly from Europe to Japan. My parents didn‘t mind though. They had to get on with their work anyway.“ Ann smiled.

„You must be incredibly tired! If you need a place to stay, you can sleep in our guestroom.“ Haru offered.

Ann smiled „You‘re too sweet. But…“ she cast a look at Ryuji, who was sitting at the bar „I‘m actually staying with Ryuji.“. The whole room fell quiet.

Yusuke was the first to react when he started chuckling. He looked at Hifumi „I believe I told you so.“

„But… you don‘t have a guestroom.. Your apartment is tiny!“ Morgana called out.

Ann noticed how Makoto and Ren exchanged a look. She guessed that they had already figured it out. On the other side of the table, Haru gaped at Ann. Beside her, Futaba had a wide grin on her face.

„Merry christmas!“ Ren called out, raising his coffee cup. The others followed.

The evening ran its course. „You could have told me in advance.“ Ren grinned at his best friend as they both sat the bar.

Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck „Yeah, sorry ‘bout that… We just didn‘t know how you‘d react..“

Ren looked understanding „I get it.“. He smiled „I‘m really happy for you.“

Ryuji grinned „Dude, don‘t get so sappy.“. He looked at Ann, who was laughing with the girls over in the booth. „But yeah. Things are really good right now.“. His heart jumped when his eyes met hers across the room. She beamed at him before getting up and walking over to them. „Ready to go?“ he asked her when she leaned against him. He put his arm around her waist.

„Yeah… I think the jetlag starts kicking in...“ she yawned before looking at Ren „Still. I‘m really glad I came. I can‘t wait to do this every year.“

Ren smiled, but not as much Ryuji. She leaned in to give him a kiss.

„GET A ROOM!“ Futaba called out from the booths.

Ann grinned as she turned around in Ryujis arm „What? Aren‘t we your OPT – or whatever - anymore?“

„You told her that?!“ Futaba exclaimed „And it‘s OTP! It‘s not that hard!“

Ryuji grinned before sliding off the bar-chair, his arm still hooked around her „We‘re out.“

„Good night, everyone!“ Ann called out as they walked out the door.

„So, I guess it‘s official now.“ Ryuji said as they were riding the train to his place.

„I guess it is.“ Ann smiled. They hadn‘t really made a plan to tell everyone tonight, but they also decided that they wouldn‘t lie, if it should come up. So far, they hadn‘t really put a name on what they had. It just was what it was. It still felt like a huge relief to be able to tell her friends, and to see that they apparently were happy for her. „You okay with that?“.

Ryuji grinned „Hell yeah, I am.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Waste ~ Foster The People


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll keep you close to me"

It was a rather cold day for June. A weekday like every day else for Ryuji, who had been in charge of closing up shop again. It was starting to get dark outside when he finally entered his run-down apartment building. As he rounded the last corner in the hallway, he abruptly stopped when someone was already waiting in front of his door. When she spotted him, she hopped off the big suitcase that she was sitting on.

„I see you changed the locks...“ she stated.

„Since „someone“ lost their keys a few weeks ago, I kinda had to...“ Ryuji answered.

She snorted „As if anyone would want to steal something from this place...“

„Says the one who stores her 100$-creams in there...“ he shrugged, slowly closing the distance between them until they stood face to face on his doormat. „You said you were coming tomorrow, I didn‘t get to clean up the place..“

Ann grinned „As if this place was ever cleaned up...“. She slung her arms around his waist and gave him a soft kiss. While Ryuji returned the hug with one arm, his free hand fidgeted around with the keys to unlock the door.

„Didn‘t you say that you were only staying for the weekend?“ Ryuji asked as he watched Ann drag in her huge suitcase.

„Yeah, but I didn‘t know how the weather would be and what we would do...“ Ann listed up „And thanks for the help, by the way. Such a gentleman.“ Ryuji did a mock bow while Ann dropped her purse on the table and took off her shoes before she walked over to his dresser to fish out a pair of his sweatpants and a particular purple hoodie.

„For real? You bring all this stuff along to then wear my clothes?“ Ryuji asked, disbelieving, as he watched Ann getting changed in the middle of the room.

„First of all: Yes. And also: For Real?“ she grinned.

Ryuji couldn‘t help but grin. He walked up to her to take her into his arms and to give her a long kiss but she pushed him onto the bed instead, that didn‘t make any noises anymore since she made him buy a new one.

„I missed you.“ she whispered as she was kneeling over him.

„I missed ya too.“ he answered, blinking, as her hair tickled his face.

She gave him another long kiss before she dropped down onto the matress beside him. Most of the time, they saw each other over weekends now. If her work allowed it, Ann mostly came to Tokyo. Ryuji had been to her place in the States too, but it had turned out that they both enjoyed their time together more, if they were back where it had all begun. It felt something like a get-away for her, a place of rest. After her split from Josh, there were a few tabloids haunting her with questions as to when and why, but by now, this was all long forgotten by the media and noone bothered to ask anymore, when she showed up alone to an event. Ryuji never wanted to get into the spotlight with her, and she understood why. His rage-fit on the phone when she told him about some paparazzi following her to ask about Josh or any potential lovers was still very vivid in her memory. If she hadn‘t stopped him, he surely would have jumped onto the next plane to get to her and hunt those guys down...

„Whatcha wanna do for dinner?“ Ryuji asked as he pulled her closer to his side.

„Let‘s just order something...“ Ann said, placing her head on his chest and her arm around his waist.

„Curry?“ he grinned. Futaba had convinced Sojiro a few months back to offer delivery for his more and more popular curry.

An hour later, they were both sitting on the bed cross-legged, both a box of curry and rice in their hand, talking about their last two weeks apart. They were almost done when Ann finally forced herself to bring it up: „I.. kinda have to tell you why I got here earlier than planned...“ she started, uncertain of his following reaction „I have made an apointment tomorrow morning. To look at an apartment.“ she calmly said as she watched Ryujis eyes going wide.

Ryuji couldn‘t even tell why he suddenly was so nervous about this. Everytime he and Ann were together, it was awesome. Of course, the first months they needed to sort everything out, not only living-wise, but by now, it felt like she lived here with him. He didn‘t even like this apartment that much, it was far too small and a little gross. He realized that the fear of being afraid to move in with her was bigger than the actual fear of commitment.

„It‘s.. okay if you don‘t want to.. I‘ll just look at it for myself maybe. We don‘t have to move in together, I just thought about getting my own place so I can leave some more stuff here and not fill up your place even more...“

„I don‘t mind...“ Ryuji said.

„I know you don‘t, but I already took up all the space in your bathroom...“

„No, I mean… I don‘t mind looking at the apartment with you.“

Anns eyes grew wide before her smile followed „For real?“ she asked.

Ryuji nodded „Yeah, for real.“

„I don‘t want you to feel like you have to...“ she insisted.

„I know. I want to.“

Ann let out an excited squeal before setting her empty box aside. „You wanna see some pictures?“

„Sure!" Ryuji grinned.

Ann swiped around on her phone before moving over to sit beside him. At first, Ryuji feared that she would want something terribly fancy and modern, like her apartment in the US was. But the one she showed him now wasn‘t too extravagant. It looked nice and comfortable at the same time, the bath was a regular size, but everything was an upgrade to the bathroom in Ryujis place, and it had a separate kitchen and a spacious living room along with two bedrooms.

„So…. Do you like it?“ Ann nervously asked. She knew that it was risky to look at apartments without even telling him, but she had immediatly felt pretty good about this one so she didn‘t want to risk losing it.

Ryuji looked at the provided pictures once more before answering. „I do… But do you? Are you sure you don‘t want anything fancier or somethin?“

„No. I like my other apartment, but it does look a little cold… I would like to have something that looks more like a home.“ she smiled.

„But.. would it be really worth it, if you only get to be here for the weekends?“

„I‘ve been talking to my management. It doesn‘t matter where I am, as long as I show up to the jobs… So I was thinking that maybe I make Tokyo my new home-home and my other apartment more of a work-home...“ Ann explained, again uncertain of his reaction. Would he even be happy to hear that she would be here for longer? So far, they only knew each other from their long-distance, weekend relationship.

Her insecurities were quickly swept away when Ryuji chuckled „You had this all planned out already, huh?“

„I… thought about it on my flight back two weeks ago…“ Ann admitted. „It‘s crazy, I know… Did I scare you off with all of this?“ she meekly asked.

Ryuji moved over so he sat in front of her, holding her face between his hands. „You didn‘t. I can‘t believe how awesome all of this sounds.“ he slightly stroked her cheek with his thumb when Anns eyes lit up.

„Really?“ she asked, her voice shaking.

He nodded before pressing a kiss on her lips.

„I love you.“ he whispered as they sat there, their foreheads touching.

„I love you too.“ she whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the Chapter:  
> Lethal Combination ~ The Wombats
> 
> And so the credits role. It's been 16 weeks since I posted the very first chapter. I was so nervous and I would have never imagined that this would get so many Hits. There were so many images in my head while I wrote this, so to all you readers out there who know how to draw, I'd so love to see the scene of them standing on his doormat and kissing (or really any other scene that you enjoyed...) brought to life in a drawing :)
> 
> It feels so strange to know that this really is the last chapter, I almost feel a bit melancholic:) Thank you so much for all the Kudos and your kind words. You have no idea how happy each and every one of them made me and still do to this day.


End file.
